10 Ways to Know If You Are Dating a Slut


First, let me start by saying that calling women sluts is objectifying and demeaning to women. But be honest, there are a few ladies out there (And, I use the term “ladies” very loosely. See what I did there? “Loose.”) who have done everything that they could to earn the label “whore, skank, or slut.” I am talking about them, not all you free “loving”, independent women. Here are the top ten ways to know if your girlfriend is a slut.

dating a slut

This is the girl you sleep with, not date.

1. You Keep Running Into Guys She Knows

It is completely normal to occasionally run into one of your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends. Once you reach a certain age, it is completely impossible not to have the awkward situation come up. Your girlfriend sees some idiot and puts her head down. That clueless nimrod sees her and ambles over to say “hi.” Of course, he did not notice that you were standing right next to her, because he was so excited to see her. So, when he realizes that you are with her, the two of them fumble through introductions just long enough for you to realize that they have at some point had sex. She tells you that he is just a friend, but you know the truth. Well, if you have one of these moments with a new guy every two weeks, then your girlfriend might be the neighborhood slut.

 

2. She Smokes

Smoking is physical proof of an oral fixation. And, anyone who always wants things in her mouth is probably not too particular about who she bangs. I am sure that this is high praise for you. Conventional wisdom says that a woman who is willing to participate in an activity that will definitely kill her is probably okay with dating and screwing a guy that probably is not the best choice for her. In fact, a person that will kill herself slowly with poison is probably just not a good decision maker altogether. According to researchers, smokers are having 10% more sex than non-smokers. Smokers are risk-takers. How else could you explain your girlfriend sleeping with you?

 

3. She Is Always Drunk

People who are always drunk are usually attempting to escape their everyday lives through self-soothing. When men drink excessively, they usually go home alone. When women drink excessively, they almost never go home alone. Alcohol allows people to be more promiscuous and supplies an excuse for the sleaziness. Think about the times that you have sex with your girlfriend. Is it always after she leaves the club at 2 a.m and is obliterated? Is it when the two of you leave the bar after a countless number of drinks? Does the bartender at 4 separate clubs know her personally? Is it difficult to remember the last time that you ever had fully conscious, sober sex? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then your girlfriend might be the bar room skank.

 

4. She Has An Associate’s Degree in Art

People with Associate’s Degrees in Art have 32% more sex than people with college degrees and high school dropouts according to a study at the University of Chicago. Artists and poets have twice the number of sex partners as the general population. So, if she writes and recites poetry, she may have¬†”shook a few spears” in her day (yes, that is a Shakespearean sex reference).

 

5. She Hates God

Agnostics and atheists engage in 31% more sex than the religious population. For those people who consider themselves highly religious, there are usually a lot of stigmas and restraints that go along with their religion, specifically in Christian homes (and especially in Catholics ones*). There is a common patriarchal focus on abstaining from sex until marriage for religious men and women. However, people who do not believe in God put less stock in the moral consequence of casual sex. If your woman is atheist, she has probably praised the man pole for a long time.

 

6. She Is Always At Work

Is your girlfriend always at work? When you show up at her job, does someone always tell you that she just left? When you call her, does she always call you back after initially not answering the phone. Now, think hard. When is the last time that you had sex. Believe me, if she is not doing the no-pants dance with you, then she is doing somebody.

 

7. She Will Not Say How Many People She Has Slept With

First of all, women normally ask these types of questions first, so the fact that you had to ask her is your first indicator that she might be slutty. But anyway, whenever you ask her about her past, she changes the subject. When she is cornered on the subject, she blows you instead of answering you (in case you missed that, she just solved her problem with sex). Even though you asked her how many people that she slept with first, she asks you what your number is and then gives you a number that is lower than that. This means that either your girlfriend has been in the backseat of so many cars that she has lost count or she knows that 167 sex partners is a lot for anybody.

 

8. There Are Signs of Sex With Other People

You have a burning sensation firing out of your manhood, and you have only slept with your girlfriend for the last 8 months. You find used condoms around her house, but the size is different and it is a brand that you do not recognize. Your girlfriend leaves the house with panties and comes back without them. These are all signs that you are dating a trollop. Leave her.

 

9. She Is Always At the Gym, But Never Loses Weight

Guys, the gym is ripe with opportunity for women to sex. It is an atmosphere where everyone has tight, revealing clothing and everyone is there to work up a sweat. You add the testosterone that people are bound to produce through exercise and the taut, muscular bodies that inhabit the gym and you have the perfect recipe for an affair. And, the trainers have an intense, personal relationship with the people that they train. Their job is to push your woman to do more than she thought she could. They are motivators; muscle bound, charismatic motivators who touch your woman regularly in all places that you dream about touching her. Plus, trainers know how to talk to women because their job dictates that they build solid relationships with them. So, if your girl is always at the gym but not losing weight, then her trainer is pushing her hard, but from behind with no clothes on their bodies.

daddy issues - choices

10. Daddy Issues

Daddy issues, or as I like to call them, single man’s gold, is a sure sign that your girlfriend has been blowing the neighborhood.¬† A woman’s relationship with her father, or her lack of a relationship with him, has a direct effect on her sexuality. Go to a strip club and see how many of the working mothers there have had good relationships with their dads. Women with daddy issues are bound to go one of four ways, asexual, bi-curious, slutty, or a combination of bi-curious and slutty. Asexuality happens when a woman is not attracted to women and does not know how to connect with the opposite sex because of the lack of positive male role models. It is also the least common effect of being fatherless. Bi-curiousity is just a natural outcome of being close with only women. If women are the only trust-worthy people that you know, but you are attracted to men then some there is bound to be some dallying on both sides of the fence. Sluthood is the most common outcome of women missing their father figure, and there are both straight and bisexual sluts. These women look for their dads in the bedrooms of strange men and women. And if your girlfriend is missing her dad, she may have searched a few bedsheets in her day.

 

*The prevalence of anal sex in Hispanic Catholic homes has increased significantly, presumably to allow teenagers to technically keep their virginity while having unmarried sex and to allow them to have sex without the threat of having children.


1 comment for “10 Ways to Know If You Are Dating a Slut

  1. wooliewalker
    May 30, 2013 at 10:08 PM

    I will out right deny some of these for being too outrageous. others that have more of a psychological result such as daddy issues, are more likely because of actual proof given by psychologists and other theorists that state paternal complications tend to bring outdifferent behaviors in people.

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