By Rodimus Dunn
1. A Booty call- Is there really any explanation necessary? It doesn’t matter the day, time, or distance; guys will drop anything to get laid. Funny enough, it usually seems that the woman who wants the late night action always lives ridiculously far away.
2. Usain Bolt racing- The world has never seen anyone do the things this guy has accomplished in such a short period of time. Every time he takes the track there’s a strong possibility you might witness history. The best part about all of this is that it you only have to drop everything for about 10 seconds. There’s absolutely no downside to this … unless we find out later that he’s been using steroids.
3. Unplanned presidential address- If all of the major TV stations break to the white house and it wasn’t planned, some very important news is about to be disseminated. The possibilities are endless: someone important died, we’re going to war, someone attacked America, we captured/killed a known terrorist, or the president is going to deny getting fellatio in the oval office.
4. The “I’m pregnant” conversation- These are some of the best words a happy husband could hear from his beautiful wife. When those same words are said by the random chick you met at the bar 2 weeks ago, not so much. At any rate, if you happen to be on the other end of phone when “Destiny” utters that phrase, you must drop everything immediately and become an amateur doctor. Get a detailed past medical history, understand the frequency of her menstrual cycles, and analyze the sensitivity and specificity of the pregnancy exam she used.
5. Wife goes into labor- This is the event that if you don’t drop everything for it, you may miss it entirely. Although scores of women remain in labor for tens of hours, you don’t want to be the guy whose wife delivered quickly, and completely missed the baby being born. Whether you have to fly, drive, or run all the way there, new daddy has to get to the hospital to share in the festivities. A new baby being born is so important; police officers are often merciful if they catch you speeding.
6. School/daycare calls- Generally schools and daycares are rather self-sufficient, so when they have to call the parents, something pretty bad has happened. More than likely junior has gotten sick, hurt, or has injured someone else badly. Obviously, if the situation involves you’re offspring, everything has to be dropped immediately. Every second of delay makes the panic that much more intense, as every possibly horrific scenario flashes through your mind.
7. Free food- No one likes to admit it, but we’ve all gone significantly out of our way, or waited in line far too long for some free food. Even those of who are very well compensated financially can’t resist the allure of a complimentary morsel of goodness. This time last year I remember braving the line at Chick-fil-A the moment I found out they were giving away free spicy chicken sandwiches. Apparently I wasn’t the only one, because I was behind numerous people who looked like waiting in line for a fast food wasn’t a planned event. Sadly it doesn’t even have to be free food. Recently I saw the line to Baskin Robbins extended outside the building on 30 cent scoop night. Guys will drop everything for food deals, and many times we’ll drag our women with us.
8. When nature calls- To be completely frank, guys are never embarrassed to take a leak. Behind a tree, next to a car, in the shower, when you get that feeling, everything else is secondary. I don’t know how long women can hold it, but I know that guys can only last a very short time before the levees break. Not only that, if you add a little bit of alcohol to the equation, we’re dropping everything at about 30 minute intervals to get some relief.
Family emergencies- You’d be surprised the number of people who won’t drop everything to aid a loved one. Of course some people are always in need of being “saved,” so I can understand the sentiment. The whole issue is a microcosm for the decaying of our society.
Car chases- These used to be must see television, as they didn’t occur very frequently. Now you can catch these on YouTube or the local news station’s website. There’s no reason to stop what you’re doing to watch one of these anymore.
Lotto results- Everyone would drop everything and run to the TV when it was time to announce the winning numbers. As a matter of fact, people would literally watch the news only to see if they won. Anyway, this practice has been rendered unnecessary by the internet.