The Management of Pubes: A Woman Revealed


A long, long, long time ago, people were hairy. Both men and women needed that hair for warmth and protection against environmental conditions. Pubic hair, in particular, was crucial because it sheltered the very organs responsible for procreating the world’s population, as well as trapping the natural scent of one’s genitals which revealed clues about a potential partner’s fertility and overall health. Despite the invention of undergarments providing plenty of pubic protection from Mother Nature, humans continue to grow masses of hair on their privates. Our standards of beauty have evolved in such a way that makes this phenomenon rather distasteful to both men and women. Just in the last 50 years, pubic hair styles have gone from full fros to no-longer-grows. As in, a woman who continues to wax will eventually no longer grow pubes at all, due to the damaged hair follicles. Although there are some serious man-scapers out there, women do the most pubic maintenance. And how a woman maintains her lady garden says more about her than you think.

Waxed:

A woman who is waxed is three things: aesthetically-charged, financially-stable, and sexually active. If she can endure the pain of the hair being ripped from the most sensitive part of her body every 3 to 4 weeks, she holds bodily beauty at the top of her priority list. That does not mean she is shallow, it just means she is committed. She is also likely to be committed to manicures and yoga, but also to her work and relationships with the people in her life. She is consistent, which makes her reliable. The waxed woman either makes her own money and enough of it or she is being taken care of. It may just be her parents, but someone is footing the bill for the semi-monthly $60 bikini wax or the ultra-painful $75-a-pop Brazilian wax. A woman who consistently waxes is also consistently having sex. However, waxers have to be somewhat calculated about their sexual encounters because they have to grow their pubes to at least one-fourth of an inch before the next wax. They also want to keep it up because the more you wax, the less the hair grows back and if a woman likes it bare down there, she cannot delay her next appointment. It is also recommended to abstain from sex after a wax, until the next day. Managing this kind of regimen really reveals a woman’s true desires. She is invested in being sexy, but more importantly, feeling sexy. Unless she has chronic in-grown hairs and/or razor rash from hell, women who are not getting laid have very few reasons to keep her hedges in such excruciatingly pristine condition.

Shaved:

A woman who prefers a razor over the rrrrip of a wax strip, is leading a different lifestyle in terms of self-grooming, finances, and sex. Much like her waxed counterpart, the shaven lady wants to be and feel sexy. She still wants the bare-naked crotch, but not the stubble management, crotch-puckering pain, or the wax lady who gets all up in her lady bits. Her beauty routine is not low-maintenance per se, it’s just probably less sophisticated. She does her own nails, trims her own bangs and removes her own pubes because that is what she has always done and it suits her just fine. Shaving can definitely be a chore but does not require the same commitment that waxing does. Commitment is certainly not an issue of hers though. She doesn’t require regular scheduled maintenance when she isn’t getting any regular driving time. Remember, waxing is a lifestyle. Shaving is a choice for flexibility and if a woman has the luxury of choices when it comes to her bush, then she is probably a one-man woman. Unless she’s getting into a bathing suit, she can let her garden grow and when a proper suitor comes to court her, she can jump in the shower with her Bic; no appointment, no salon, no money, and no wax-lady-in-her-business, necessary. Granted, waxed girls can go grab a razor too, but they won’t because they have an appointment for a Brazilian in the morning. The preference for shaving may also have a financial component as well. That is not to say that she is on a budget, but she does not value aesthetic beauty in the same way. Her mindset about money, in terms of grooming, is if she can do it herself, she isn’t going to pay someone else to do it. She spends her money monthly on a DVR and premium movie channels or perhaps theatre tickets, scrap-booking materials, or even her designer coffee habit. There’s always a possibility she’s just broke, but you don’t have to see her pubes to figure that out.

Whether it be waxing or shaving, there is a moment in the hair removal process when a woman asks herself, “Am I going to leave any hair there?” And the answer, whichever it is, is very revealing, indeed.

Hair Still There:

The most traditional pubic hairstyles are the classic Triangle and the Landing Strip. Triangle girls are probably more classic themselves in terms of style and personality. If she sports a triangle, she’s timeless and timeless is very elegant. A woman who goes a bit narrower with a Landing Strip, is riding a more youthful line. She is not necessarily young in age, but she probably has a little edge to her. Most importantly, if after a wax or shave, a woman still has hair down there, she is making a statement and it’s all about femininity and sensuality. She didn’t get that hair until she was twelve and she didn’t stop thinking it was weird until she was sixteen. Now she feels weird without it. She knows that because she tried having no hair and it was creepily reminiscent of pre-pubescence. A woman who chooses to keeps her nether-region semi-covered, after all the careful removal around it, wants to be discovered, not exposed. She’s the type that often leaves something to the imagination and may even be a bit modest. She’s not necessarily hiding anything, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to look.

Bald:

Whether by waxing or shaving, ladies that take it all off are also making a statement and it is very much about femininity, and unequivocally about sex. When a woman keeps nothing to even cast a shadow over her genitals, she is expressing her desire to be desired. She is self-assured and wants others to know she has nothing to hide. She is probably quite daring in her sex-life, but she also really aims to please. If her partner is satisfied, then she is too. She values youth in all aspects. The look of no hair down there can be taboo for some, but for her it looks young and hot! To her, young equals hot, and hot is not hairy. As she ages she will explore new ways to look and feel young because ultimately she’s got to be hot.

Au Natural:

A woman who does no pubic maintenance at all may be one of two things: very conservative or very liberal. Although these two are polar opposites, they’re both a little old-fashioned. One makes her bed every day and the other makes her own cruelty-free, organic soap, but they’re both leaving their lady garden alone because why fix what isn’t broken.  As far as the traditionalist goes, do not judge her Victorian values. She was raised that way. She probably cringes at the words, “pubic hair”, let alone considers styling them. She has preconceived notions about girls that groom their girl parts and frankly, they’re kind of whorish. As for the more eccentric of the two, she is the epitome of nonconformist. At her first suspicion that a more hairless honeypot had become the norm, she started letting nature take its course. And if you don’t like it, then you can kick rocks.

Just so you know…

There are two popular practices going on in the pelvic-primping world that should be briefly mentioned and that is laser hair removal and vagazzling. The average laser hair removal session costs between $300 and $500. The average number of sessions required to stop growing pubic hair is between 5 and 8. A woman who makes that kind of commitment to a bare-naked crotch is an intensified version of the waxed woman. She spends that kind of money to look good, because she can. She also buys crocodile handbags and donates to the World Wildlife Foundation, to look good. As far as the vagazzling goes, be advised to turn around, and walk in the other direction. This woman has crowned her coochie. Not because she thinks that highly of herself, don’t be deluded. She did that because she is lacking some serious self-awareness. She wants attention and will go to great lengths to get it. She sucks the air out of the room and not because she’s breathtaking.

Even though folks greatly despise it, pubic hair is going strong, making itself known on our bodies despite our consistent use of protective underpants. From an evolutionary standpoint, we must consider that homo-sapiens continue to grow pubes for some purpose that we have not yet discovered. In the meantime, the way that it is managed can give us useful clues into the psyches of our fellows. Maybe for that reason alone is why Mother Nature still makes it so.


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