The race to find your perfect match begins the moment you hit 21, and along the way you will encounter several different women who will look like your soul mate. However, there are a few girls who are decidedly not the right girl for anyone. These are more of the women who you should avoid like the plague.
1. The ‘I Didn’t Get Your Text Until Now’ Girl
She is constantly texting on her phone, but somehow your text messages never get through. She blames your missing texts on T-Mobile, her phone going dead, or the phone gods. She answers calls in the order of importance and unfortunately for you, her boyfriend is last on that list. Her mother, her best friend, her male friends, and any else takes precedence over your call. You can never get in touch with her, but she always calls when she needs something from you whether it be dinner, help moving things around, or even sex. Though she will never admit it, she is screening your calls constantly and waiting for someone better to call her. This relationship can only end in heartache.
2. The ‘Girls Night Out’ Girl
She spends half her nights out with her girlfriends drinking and being hit on by good-looking guys who have a lot more money than you. She spends the rest of her nights drinking and complaining at home about how inadequate you are as a boyfriend with her single girlfriends who are constantly encouraging her to cheat. Sooner or later one of those guys is going to say the right thing and find himself drinking and doing other things with your girlfriend. If she is always ‘out with the girls’, get her out of your life quickly.
3. The ‘Belieber’
There is no reason for any self-respecting woman over the age of 17 to like Justin Bieber, One Direction, etc. Justin Bieber is a self-destructive, idiot who built a failing music career on being more cute than he is talented. And, we mean cute in the “puppy” way not in the hot girl way, though he does look like a lesbian. Any grown woman who loves the Bieb hates themselves…and good music.
4. The Girl with Stuffed Animals
Is there an echo in here? No self-respecting woman over the age of 15 keeps her collection of stuffed animals in her living space. Barbie dolls, My Little Ponies, and any other type of toys from childhood should leave within a year or two of when her first kiss happens. A woman with a room full of stuffed animals is psychotic and dangerous. Unless you plan on burying the pet that she will inevitably kill and cook for you to eat, then you should avoid this woman at all costs.
5. The Gamer
She loves all the same things that you love. She plays Halo with you, she goes shopping for games with you, and she never tries to talk to you while you are solving the riddle on level 12 of your favorite action/adventure game. Sounds like the perfect woman does it not? Well, you will never have a break from her, your man cave will be non-existent, and any time with the boys will quickly become co-ed. The bad thing about a gamer girl is that she is always there. No matter who you are, you will need some break from your partner eventually. Plus, who wants to get their ass kicked by their girlfriend in Tekken or Street Fighter?
6. The VIP Service Girl
She needs to go to the VIP section every time that she enters the club, and you are footing the bill. The fact that she is still “clubbing” was your first clue that she might not be the right girl for you, but I digress. She needs at least two bottles in her section because her status is more important than your wallet, and a gold digger of this caliber would never be seen in your Corolla. No, you need to drive a luxury car to get her attention. Her affection comes with a hefty price tag. Unfortunately, you do not know how much she costs until you have footed the bill for another one of her whims. If a woman asks for you to buy her something too soon in the relationship, then she may be with you for your money and not your company. Be wary.
7. The Rebound
She just got out of a long relationship. Her ex was either a terrible guy who abused her physically and emotionally, or he was a great guy whom she wronged in the relationship. In theory, it seems like the perfect situation for any eligible bachelor. You save her from an evil ex and are rewarded with lots of sex and affection, or you reap all the benefits of a woman trying to make right the mistakes she made with another guy. In a perfect world, that is exactly what would happen. You would walk into a stress-free with lots of sex and happy feelings from a hot woman. But, in the real world there is no way that you could win with a girl who is on the rebound. A woman who is fresh out of a relationship usually thinks that you are just like her sorry ex-boyfriend or she thinks that you are the complete antithesis of him. She will accuse you of doing the same things that he did and punish you for his misdeeds or she will cling to you too soon if you prove to her that you are a good guy. Either way, you are going to pay the price for her ex. And then, there is the possibility that you really like her and she dumps you because you were just a fling to her.
8. The Girl Who Travels
This woman will be one of the most intriguing women that you will ever meet. She experiences all the things that you have always thought about doing. Her life puts your bucket list to shame. She has swam with the sharks in South Africa, she rode a train through all fifty states in the U.S., she photographed wild pandas in Northern China, and she seems to always be on a adventure. She is free-spirited, surprisingly candid, and you have the wildest sex of your life with her. She is all that you can think of during the day and the night. Unfortunately, though she thinks that you are a nice guy, you are boring the snot out of her. Don’t take it personally though. You would have to be the handsome barbarian heir of Jacques Cousteau and the Queen of England to impress this woman. She will never settle down with any normal man, and if she ever nested and had a typical family she would be suicidal with the sedentary lifestyle.
9. The “Perfect Woman”
You finally caught the girl who is completely out of your league. She is this gorgeous amazon who every man would feel lucky to have for one night or a lifetime. She is brilliant, beautiful, and she is with you. Enjoy her while she is still interested. Honestly, you may be the one guy who spends a lifetime with the perfect woman, but the woman who spent her entire life as the object of everyone’s desire usually needs a certain amount of attention to feel comfortable. Men will come after her constantly, and if she is anything less than perfect, and you fail to give her what she needs, she may listen to them. Most women who are obviously out of your league are also impossibly high maintenance. While you are busy working to satisfy her, the pool boy or a richer playboy will be maintaining her.
10. The Control Freak
Unless you are the type of man who needs someone to make all his life decisions for him, steer clear of a control freak. She is domineering and abusive. The only man who can survive such an overbearing person is a masochist who is completely submissive to the desires of his partner. This woman has issues, and the biggest one is insecurity. She emasculates her partners constantly and publicly. She commands, she does not ask. She makes sure that you leave the house looking ragged so that women do not approach you when she is not with you, and she belittles you despite your best efforts to please her when you are with are. There is no pleasing this woman, so avoid her at all costs.