Only Ugly Lesbians Are Really Gay


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They will never make it unless one of them starts wearing overalls with socks and sandals.

Lipstick lesbians are a myth that was thought up by a couple of sexually frustrated comic book nerds who never left their mothers’ basements for their own entertainment. The fantasy of steamy lesbian intercourse made by two smoking, hot women is about as realistic as finding a living, breathing unicorn crapping a rainbow. And, if you see a horse with a horn pooping rainbows or you catch two sexy girls going at it, you are high, dreaming, or watching fetish porn. There are no unicorns and there are no hot lesbian couples. Neither of these exist in the real world. That was a pony with a coned paper plate taped to his head at your fifth birthday party. And, what you see in the clubs are two hot girls who are drunk enough to kiss each other and maybe even have sex, but who will never be in a committed relationship. They are just two women stuck in a phase that will pass after college. Any person, man or woman, can appreciate the female form. And, a little “liquid courage” sometimes encourages women to push their sexual boundaries. That does not make them gay.

The only thing that makes any person gay is the innate desire to sleep with people of the same sex. Attractive women can be attracted to other hot women, but these women can not be fully gay because there are no such things as pretty lesbians (And yes, attractiveness is relative, but there is a standard of aesthetic beauty that everyone can agree upon). The only real lesbians are the butch ones.

Two beautiful lesbians have never participated in a stable relationship throughout the history of the planet Earth. When has anyone ever observed two hot women on a real date? They are like bigfoot. People talk about their cousin who knew a guy whose wife was having an affair and ran across them in a forest. But, no one has seen them first hand. Unattractive lesbians hang together, one unattractive woman is often seen with a pretty one, but there are never two gorgeous homosexual women walking around the park holding hands and planning a life together. And, that is because pretty women are not lesbians. The women who are concerned with looking feminine and being attractive are either bisexual or bi-curious. They are simply taking a hiatus from man love, usually because of some betrayal by the men in their lives. Why else would a beautiful woman who could feasibly attract another gorgeous woman to date court a woman who looks, dresses, and acts like a man instead of a real man? The women who date butch lesbians are attracted to men, but have been hurt by them. They are not necessarily interested in butch girls because of their sex, but more so because of their appearance. Butch lesbians, on the other hand, could actually be attracted to women. These women are interested in the female form. Butch lesbians never date men, rarely date each other, and in most relationships, whether with another butch lesbian or with a femme lesbian, one woman assumes the classic male role (the rule of aggressor) and the other assumes the classic female role (the demure role). According to the Handbook of Gender Research in Psychology, Vol. 1, butch lesbians have more testosterone than femme lesbians, so they are in essence more “manly” than their sexual partners. Though this phenomena could be attributed to socialization, it does prove that femme women tend to seek a male figure rather than another female one for a relationship.

Femme lesbians are either undecided or confused about who and what they want sexually. But, they are not gay. Women are naturally closer with one another than men, both emotionally and physically. Relationships between women are tactile and loving. They hug. They kiss. And, emotional attachments are more common between them. With women, emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy, so a butch lesbian has a distinct advantage over men. Simply being a woman lends itself to same-sex sexual activity because of the intimacy that exists naturally between women. And, homosexual behavior does not only exist in lesbians. Identified straight women regularly kiss and grope each other publicly, but then go home with their coed partners.

Hot lesbian couples do not exist. Beautiful women are sometimes attracted to each other, but in the end, feminine women seek males. Lipstick lesbians do not exist. Deal with it.


7 comments for “Only Ugly Lesbians Are Really Gay

  1. Kaylie
    May 23, 2014 at 3:51 PM

    I’m a feminine lesbian, always have been who only dates other feminine lesbians, so there goes your stupid theory.

    I’ve never been hurt by men, I’ve just always loved women.

    Why don’t you see two feminine women together?? Because they don’t stand out. They look like two friends. The butch ones are much more noticeable.

    The butch/femme dynamic is also very much associated with social class. The less educated, less wealthy women in lesbian relationships tend to imitate heterosexual roles.

    However, go to Los Angeles, California and you’ll find that most lesbians there are feminine and only want to date other feminine women.

    • AFM
      May 23, 2014 at 8:22 PM

      Kaylie, this lipstick lesbian phenomena is a fantasy made up by men. If you want anyone to believe you, you’re going to have to prove this with a picture.

      • CTM
        June 26, 2015 at 1:30 AM

        What is she supposed to do? Take a pic of two femme Lesbians in public? First of all thats Rude and second

        THAT IS SO CREEPY AF.

  2. Vivian
    April 17, 2015 at 12:16 PM

    Nice satirical piece.

  3. Truth
    December 3, 2015 at 11:57 AM

    In the picture above it is very hard to tell which one is the husband.

  4. AW
    April 21, 2016 at 7:14 PM

    I guess the one on the right in the picture above has to be the husband. Go figure.

  5. June 12, 2016 at 6:42 AM

    its ignorance im telling you. im gay by the way. i only come on here to ask people about dying my hair.

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