By William Bixby
Most people expect a drawn out moral lecture about how wrong it is to date people who have promised themselves to other people. And, that is true. There is something pretty foul about taking something that does not belong to you, even if it is a man. But, there are better reasons for you to pick a single guy over the married guy. Ladies, dating a married man probably seems like a win-win situation. You get all the passionate sex that you want without the hassle of a relationship. Good relationships are difficult to find and even more challenging to maintain. By dating a married man, you would hypothetically deal with a lot less of the drama of dating, but still experience all the strong emotions and connection of being a couple. For a hard-working professional who does not have the time to cultivate something meaningful with another person or just a woman who wants to have a fling, this might seem like a viable option. However, dating married men is one of the worst decisions you could make. Drama will define you in this type of relationship, and ultimately you will get hurt. You will develop feelings for the man with whom you are having an affair, he will never leave his wife, he will treat you poorly, and then he will leave you.
Here is the truth about married men. No level-headed man has an affair; only the broken men have them. And, there are only two types of men who cheat on their wives: the men who never should have been married at all, and the men who are going through difficulties with their wives. Neither of these men will provide all the qualities that you are looking for in a mate.
The man who never should have been married will supply you with what you think you need. He will give you plenty of attention and fawn over you for stretches of time. He is always available to you whenever you need him, that is, until you give him what he wants. This man is the classic cheater. You may have great sex with him because his ego is tied to his penis, but that is the only thing that he will give you other than a STD. You are not the only woman that he is “dating”, and the only person that he cares about is himself. He does not care about his kids, his wife, and he certainly does not care about you. He cares about his next conquest. And if the two of you maintain a sexual relationship for any stretch of time, you may begin to confuse the exciting sex for general care and concern. You are going to develop feelings for this man, because sex and love are inextricably linked. Two people can not sleep together for an extended amount of time exclusively without becoming romantically involved. In fact, new research from Concordia University in Montreal proves that emotional attachment grows from sexual desire. Through Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) the study found that both love and lust come from the insular cortex and striatum, and that their effects are overlapping. Sleeping with a man, even the wrong one can cause you to love him. And, the self-centered womanizer is not the guy that you want to fall for. Once he has slept with you, you will see him more intermittently and later in the night. The small relationship that you have formed will start to resemble a booty call. And once you start complaining, you will never see him again.
But, the classic cheater is not the worst married man with whom to be entangled. The man who is fighting with his wife can be much more dangerous to you. He reels you in because he seems genuine. The way that you meet this man is usually completely innocuous. You met at the job or when both of you were with your friends. He may actually talk to you about your problems and listen to you instead of staring at your chest like the aforementioned philanderer. You develop an authentic connection over a few group lunch dates and those random conversations at the water cooler with him. And then, you realize that the two of you have more in common than you thought previously. He talks to you about his struggles with his wife, and you believe that he is a good man who is caught in a bad situation. He says that she does not understand him and you do. The danger with starting a relationship with this man is that the emotional foundation of the romance is already set in place, so you will find it harder to leave him. You are already invested in the relationship from the moment that you enter into it, so you see it through. But, this man is confused. He likes you, but he loves his wife and family. He adores you, but how can he leave?
Listen closely. With either of these two men, there is one standard truth. Any man who is cheating on his wife will not leave his spouse and his family for you regardless of what you do or say. No matter how much plead with him, no matter what you do sexually with him, and no matter how much you threaten him, his family will always be more important than you. He took a vow before his family, friends, and his God to love and cherish his wife until his death or her death. Most people do not take that commitment lightly. And, even the men that do not respect their their vows do respect the law. The way that government handles divorce is more deterrent than any man needs. Leaving his wife could cost a man half of his assets in most states before the divorce is finalized. If he has children, then he will lose his home because the government always leans towards the ruling that gives stability to the children of divorcees, and custody usually goes to the mother. Next, a man who divorces his wife faces alimony payments, child support payments, and the new living expenses that incurred when you have to move out. A new relationship with you could cost this man 2/3 of his life’s work. Not many men are willing to give up so much for a relationship that is not proven. And then, he has to learn your quirks, your desires, and most importantly, your needs as he starts a new relationship with new responsibilities. Married men know what they are dealing with at home. You represent the unknown, and nothing is scarier than the unknown.
You should spend some time thinking about what this type of romance affords you. If this man eschews all that he loves to be with you, how could you ever trust him not to leave you? He dumped the woman that he promised to love forever to be with you. Only a fool would believe that he could love them enough to stop cheating. If you have a child with him, will he resent the child and you? You will have to explain why their father is not present. The affair could also lead to verbal and physical confrontations with his wife. And all of that exertion would be for a man who cares for someone else.
Dating a married man is one of the most empty endeavors that you could embark upon. In the midst of passion, it feels so right and the excitement is unparalleled. But after the sheets come off the bed and the fire begins to dissipate, you realize that he has left to be with his family and that you are alone. Do not date married men. They may say all the right things, they may be great in bed, but the price that you pay is too high.