This article was originally posted on January 25, 2011. Due to a great response from our readers, we brought it back for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.
By the Nice Guy A.K.A. Mr. Fantastic
Since the advent of the Atari home console system in the late 1970′s (ATARI! Baby, YEAAAH!), the endless debate has weighed on:
“Why is he ALWAYS playing those DAMN video games?!”
“I’m at home playing video games, why won’t she STOP complaining?!”
In a selfless effort to save a few of your marriages and relationships, I’ll play mediator in an attempt to help both sides understand the view points and importance of the other on this matter. But I ask everyone to remember one thing … when TRUTH is present, CHANGE must take place.
Women, first as always, and as it should be, why do men play video games? Women, the answer to this is actually quite simple, please listen closely. Entertainment. Nothing more, nothing less. Men play video games because they are entertaining. The same reason we watch sports, hunt, hang with our buddies, drink; it’s just entertainment. The same reason we marry or date you all … you used to be entertaining. JOKING, JOKING, calm down! Don’t go cutting off all your hair. I’m just having fun, BUT remember, “Entertainment!” Men like to be entertained…
Now men, this is for you … and for the women as well, because we ALL know (especially the married men out there) that she’s not gonna let you have anything for yourself. She even needs to be a part of the advice you get from other men. And there my friend is your answer. Women are threatened by the idea that you could find any happiness outside of them. This is our biggest transgression against the women we love. While we find it utterly stupid, and make no mistake, IT IS! Women despise any and everything that you may remotely value over them. Dumb? YES! VERY! Because there’s nothing we value more than them. Women, we…are…men. You’re always on our minds. Guys, stop letting them guilt trip you into thinking you’re doing something wrong, YOU’RE NOT. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending time playing with a small little mechanical device that gives you such pleasure and joy, is there ladies?
Which brings me to my next point. Women, why ALL the complaining? Wives, its 1 A.M., do you know where your husband is? Sure you do! He’s in the living room, den, basement, kids’ room, or annoying as it may be, he’s at the edge of your bed playing that DAMN video game. BUT he’s home. Girlfriends, and I MEAN girlfriends, you’re NOT wives yet. If you have any hope of bearing his last name, and we’ve seen the doodles, we know your endgame, ease up. Its Saturday night 3 A.M., do you know where your man is? Suuuure, the same DAMN place he’s been all night … ignoring your text and rushing you off the phone when you call, when you have nothing to talk about, you just hate he’s enjoying himself and you’re not! But he’s at home or his boy’s house, playing that DAMN video game. He could be sleeping with your incredibly hot friend that’s sliding him hints or out chasing women like he used to. Remember those days? Remember how long it took for you to break him? Didn’t you two meet you in a bar or club? He could easily be out meeting someone else that doesn’t doodle. Mothers, sisters, grandmothers, do you know where your little adolescents or young adults are? Of course you do! The whole house does, because no one can sleep with him jacked up on red bull and swearing profusely every time he dies. But hey, he’s not out drinking, doing drugs, getting a young lady pregnant or experimenting with boys. He’s playing that DAMN video game!
Against my better judgment, I’m going to actually help you women with some tactics in breaking us men away from our video games:
1. Hide the game. Men are typically very disorganized and we’ll assume we misplaced it, EVEN if we SWORE we left it in the console and on pause from the night before.
2. Hide the game. Blame it on the dog or the baby, NOT your children or any other siblings. They are subject to our wrath and WILL be held accountable! I have scars till this day.
3. Change the IP address or disconnect the Internet. Most games are played on-line these days, and if he can’t connect to the Internet, he won’t get the same thrill or have the desire to play.
4. Get him out of the house. Come up with a reason for you all to go out. He’ll hate it at first, but some good food and a little liquor and that sexy dress of yours, which shows off your … he won’t remember any video game (and put away your little mechanical device).
One IMPORTANT piece of advice to remember is NEVER damage the video console or game. He’ll only go out and buy another whether you approve or not.
So women STOP complaining. Sure he’s not perfect, but he is a good man. You KNOW where he is at all times. Plus he’s learned to live with your constant nagging, insecurities, extensive shoe collection, flower paintings and potpourri, he’s even learned to not leave his dirty underwear in the middle of the living room floor. And as much as we love them, realize we CAN’T play our video games forever. And when we’re bored and all done with them, we’ll just replace them trade them in, or toss them aside. But we can NEVER toss, replace or trade you in, nor would we want to. And men, when the games start disappearing and the baby’s receiving the blame, or you just can’t figure out why you can’t connect to the internet, just go into the other room, hug her, kiss her, lay there with her, tell her you love her, stay right by her side till she falls asleep…then get up, set your alarm, go grab the extra copy of the game she knows nothing about and play quietly all night long, just make sure you’re in bed before she wakes up… Women, when you wake up in the middle of the night and he’s not there, just smile, you KNOW where he’s at, plus that copy you know “nothing” about is actually his missing game. You’ve returned the backup and used the cash on those new shoes he keeps inquiring about the price of, never mind they’re only your sixth pair of yellow heels. “Why do you have SO many pairs of heels in the same color?! What’s the difference?”