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What My Tattoo Says About Me

29 Jun

People get tattoos for various reasons. Some mark themselves as a form of self-expression, as the ultimate form of body art. Some do it to remember a distinct time period or to commemorate a loved one. What you get tattooed onto your body says something about who you are, and occasionally what you want to express is interpreted differently by the public. This list will help you understand what your tattoo means.

Guide to Tattoos: Male

Barbwire on the arm – “I’m a tool and I got this tattoo in the 90′s. I also might have been a stripper/bodybuilder.”

Barbwire on leg or any where else – “I’m a douche bag.”

Also note the state under the basketball, because athletes have to “represent.”

Basketball, Football, any sports equipment – “I played high school sports and I think I’m a better athlete than I actually am.” By the way, this tattoo is only okay if you are a professional athlete, and it’s still “tool-ish” on pros.

This guy really loves Philly.

Sports teams anywhere on body – “I am mildly retarded and have no identity.” *Editor’s note: Excuse me, slightly “mentally challenged”. Tattooing a sports team on you is absolutely insane. And, it’s idiotic for athletes, too, because they get traded to different teams without notice or regard.

Sun anywhere on body – “I think I’m an Adonis and I work out too much.” or “I might be a hippie and a vegan.”

Unless it says this you’re probably a gay man. And your sexuality is still questionable if you get a lower back tattoo and you say that you are hetero.

Any tattoo on the lower back – “I like men…and attention.”

Chinese Lettering anywhere – “I got this tattoo in the 90′s, and I like to follow trends. I hope this tattoo doesn’t actually mean I sleep with mountain goats, because I don’t speak Mandarin.” Unless, of course you are actually Asian, specifically Chinese. Then, it means “I am proud of my culture.”

Tribal tattoo on arm – “I am a tool, but I have no idea of how much of a tool I am.” “My great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was Cherokee. I’m also confused about whose side it was on.” Unless, you’re Samoan or Native American. In which case it means, I’m engulfed in my heritage.

Tribal tattoo on back – “I lift weights, but need a way to cover up my ‘bacne’”…with the same exception for Native Americans and Samoans.

Tears on face – “I’m a thug or a ‘wannabe’ thug,” and “I lost someone dear to me.” It can also mean, “I kill people,” or “I want you to believe that I kill people because I can’t fight.”

Anything else on the face – “I’ve run out of space to tattoo anything else on my body.” Or, “I NEED ATTENTION!!!” “I need you to know that I’m a (wannabe) thug or I wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble.” “I am in a gang, don’t try me.”

Wolf on arm – “I’m a loner.” “I like to hunt and fix cars.” “I’m a serial killer and have at least three bodies buried on the premises.”

Horse anywhere – “I’m a cowboy.” “I like horses a little too much.” “I am from rural Texas/New Mexico/California/Arizona.”

Any other animal – “This animal really represents who I think I am.”

Cartoon character anywhere – “I’m really immature.” or “My friends called me Snoopy/Super Mario/Scooby/whatever and I got this tattoo when I was 18.”

Guns anywhere – “I’m really violent, but I’ve never shot or had a fight with anyone.” “I live in a trailer park or tenement housing.”

Praying hands anywhere – “I need street cred.” Or,  “I am currently in or have previously been in prison.” Side note: If the lines of the tattoo are wide and the ink is light, then do not provoke this person, they attained that tattoo in a prison.

Sleeve without Skulls – “I’m an artist.” I’m a rapper.” “I’m a professional athlete.” “I don’t care what you think.”"I’m a member of the Yakuza.”

Sleeve with Skulls – “I’m an artist.” “I’m a tattoo artist.” “I like punk/goth culture and don’t apologize for it.”

Angel Wings on back – “I have done some things that I’m not proud of.” And, “I might have homosexual tendencies.”

Biblical scripture anywhere – “I lost a close friend.” Or, “I’m very spiritual, but not too religious.”

Islamic scripture anywhere – “I’m not a practicing Muslim.” “I haven’t read the part of the Quran that says no tattoos.”

Buddhist scripture anywhere – “I want people to think that I’m deep, but I’m not.”

Hebrew lettering anywhere – “I’m a pretentious idiot.” Unless, you read Hebrew and are Jewish. In fact, that still makes you a little pompous. Or, “I hope that this doesn’t say that I sodomize camels.”

Guide to Tattoos: Female

Flora on arms, ribs, or upper back – “I’m feminine, sweet, and innocent with a slight edge because I have a tattoo.

Flora on lower back – I’m feminine, sweet, and innocent, but I’ll sleep with you.

Notice the lower back tattoo also

Angel wings on back – “I need a guardian angel to protect me from me.” “With all the drugs and unprotected sex I’ve had, I don’t know how I’ve made it to 30.” “I might have been a stripper.”

Barbwire on arm – “I was a stripper in the 90′s.” or “I was a wild woman in the 90′s.”

Barbwire anywhere else – “I was one of the 1st girls to get a tattoo in the 90′s and I might have been a stripper.”

Tribal tattoo on arm – “I was a wild woman in the mid-90′s.” Or, “I was a stripper in the mid-90′s.”

Tribal tattoo on lower back – “I was a stripper in the mid-90′s and I will sleep with you…and maybe your cute male friend.”

Sun/Moon on the arm or upper back – “I’m earthy/wholesome/into nature.” “I buy green products.”

Sun/Moon on lower back – “I’m earthy/wholesome/into nature and I will sleep with you…and maybe your cute girlfriend.

Butterfly tattoo anywhere except lower back – “I’m 18 and/was 18 when/wanted to be 18 again when I got this. I’m a woman now.”

Butterfly tattoo on lower back – “I got this to show my journey into womanhood and I’ll sleep with you now or after the requisite number of apple-tinis.”

Teddy bear anywhere but lower back – “I talked my single parent mom/tattoo artist into letting me get a tattoo when I was underage.”

Teddy bear on lower back – “My parents are clueless and don’t know that I’m having sex even though I’m underage.” Or, “My parents are cool* and know that I sleep with my boyfriend, but don’t know that I sleep with his best friend and that older guy I met last week.”

*cool means never home and that they erroneously think a teenager is responsible enough to handle all the implications of intimacy

Sleeve without Skulls – “I’m artistic.” “I’m a cool, cute, tough chick.” “I don’t care what you think.”

Sleeve with Skulls – “I’m artistic and counter-culture.” “I’m a into punk or goth people.” “I don’t care what you think because I found where I fit in.”

Biblical scripture anywhere but the lower back – “I am very spiritual, but not necessarily very religious.”

Biblical scripture on lower back – “If I sleep with you, you’re going to marry me.” or at least feel bad about sleeping with me if you’re Christian too.

Rosary anywhere on body – “I have done some things that I am really not proud of.” Or maybe, “I’m a really forgetful nun.”

Hebrew lettering anywhere – “I’m very confused about this Kaballah thing.”

Any tattoo on face – “I NEED ATTENTION, and I am/used to be really broken and/or insecure.” “I’m CRAZY!”

Any tattoo on breasts – “You should stare at my boobs.”

Any tattoo on butt cheeks or “crotchal” region including but not limited to: red kiss lips, paw prints, tribal hearts – “I am currently working as a stripper/porn actress. If you have seen this, then you have given me the appropriate amount of money in order to do so.” Or, “I sleep with a lot of people and I like the look of surprise they give me when they see this.”

19 Responses to “What My Tattoo Says About Me”

  1. alex October 13, 2011 at 3:41 AM #

    whoever made this website is a fucking moron, and deserves to have their legs broken. I would hold you down and tattoo an upside down cross on your forehead to show people how fucking ignorant you are, fuck you.

    • AFM October 13, 2011 at 1:25 PM #

      Feeling regretful about that tramp stamp, Alex?

    • Buck July 25, 2014 at 12:24 PM #

      Wow that ass butterfly tattoo is really signals I am a stupid cheap ghetto dwelling tasteless slut. With no education, knowlegde, breeding, culture, wisdom, jugdement, ambition. As an European i laugh my ass of when i see all that really ugly people you have over there. Get some fucking taste for God´s sake.

      • AFM July 27, 2014 at 9:10 PM #

        I feel like you are attacking me, but the insult was lost in that bigoted comment that you just made.

  2. Lyndsay November 8, 2011 at 12:01 PM #

    Oh come on Alex. Have a little sense of humor.
    I not only have a rose on my lower left side of my back, but a butterfly as well. And of course they don’t mean those things that are said on this website but you know as well as anyone here knows that sometimes people do get them for reasons unbeknownst to us.

    Lighten up.

  3. Austin November 26, 2011 at 11:01 PM #

    So basically no one can get anything unless it’s approved by you? The sports teams for example, what if that guy grew up watching those teams with his father and he views it as sentimental? You never know why someone got a tattoo. Yeah there’s some stupid ones out there, but you’re just being a douchebag.

    • AFM November 27, 2011 at 11:36 AM #

      Let me guess, you have a team logo on your lower back, right? Look Austin, you have to live with whatever tattoo you bought, okay? If you want a Phillie fanatic printed on you, that’s your prerogative. If you have a problem with what it means, that sounds like a personal problem. Right?

  4. Sean Tasker March 10, 2012 at 9:00 PM #

    I have a Latin phrase on my shoulder, what does that mean? The Latin translates to “To be rather than to seem”

    • Jose March 19, 2012 at 4:58 AM #

      It means you have trouble achieving your goals but want people to think you have lived a life much greater.

      Btw: this website is funny as!

  5. Carrie April 13, 2012 at 4:44 AM #

    I dunno, this seems pretty spot-on. I have a butterfly ankle tattoo that I totally regret that I got WHEN I WAS 18. I’m 28 now. And my sister has a huge scripture tattoo on her back and she did lose a very close friend. So, of course most of these descriptions are stereotypical, but in my case you’re totally right. And stereotypes exist for a reason. This is probably more to discourage people from certain types of tattoos by helping them to see how they might be perceived. I personally think getting your children’s names and/or baby footprints/handprints is the epitome of tackiness, but that’s just me. These tattoos are extremely popular. (gag). Tattoos are very personal, though, so whatever you get, as long as you like it, that’s really all that matters. You’re the one who has to live with it more or less for forever.

    • AFM April 15, 2012 at 10:21 AM #

      Yep Carrie, I did a lot of research on this. And by research, I mean that I that I sat around, watched people, and made fun of their tattoos.

  6. Nakdimon June 15, 2012 at 5:36 AM #

    Wow, the guy with the Hebrew tatoos has been made a fool of. Anyone that can read Hebrew can see that the spelling is horrible. The large tatoo is “Av”, which means “Father”, the one on the right is “Yeshua” which is the Hebrew name of Jesus, but it’s spelled incorrectly. He has an “aleph” at the end while it should be an “ayin”. Lastly, on the left you see “Ruach haKadosh” which means the Holy Spirit, but it should read “Ruach haKodesh”. YIKES he got screwed over!

  7. stephanie November 23, 2012 at 10:08 PM #

    I think this is stupid. for one, a GUY friend of mine has a tattoo of angel wings on his back, granted it has some other stuff with it .. but it is to represent a close friend to us all who died when she was 14. and i have multiple tattoos that mean NOTHING as described here.

    • AFM November 25, 2012 at 9:25 AM #

      Steph, don’t be upset that your tramp stamp means that you are a little slutty. There is a place in this world for whores and strippers too.

  8. fawk hue August 25, 2013 at 4:22 PM #

    any tattoo means you have some sort of attention issues

    • AFM August 26, 2013 at 12:03 PM #

      You sound a little judgmental buddy. I’m guessing it’s mommy issues.

  9. Solodee May 26, 2014 at 1:55 AM #


    Hilarious. Ridiculous. Interesting.

    Permanent tattoos; don’t you outgrow them at dome point?

  10. u-cee July 25, 2016 at 1:22 PM #

    it actually doesnt say anything in the quran against tattooing ijs

    • AFM August 10, 2016 at 2:55 PM #

      The Quran does not specifically say that tattoos are forbidden, however it does forbid the mutilation and maiming of the body. I would say that continuously sticking a needle into your skin counts as maiming and that purposely changing the natural appearance of your skin could be considered mutilation by some people.

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