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Before Getting Married

17 Sep

Before you get married there are things that a man should know. Unless you are extremely fortunate, no one will completely inform you of these  things. To ease your transition into married life, men have come together to warn you about the nefarious pitfalls of and ready you for the biggest endeavor in which you will ever partake.

1. Enjoy the simple things together – You should not marry a woman because she is gorgeous and you enjoy attending concerts, comedy shows, or various other big events together. Anyone enjoys the company of another person when in an overtly, entertaining venue and with an attractive woman. Do not marry a woman because she is the person that you “should” marry. Her parents are wealthy, she is cultured, has an inheritance, and you were college sweethearts. So what? Money fades and college kids mature into different people. Marry the woman that you lose hours talking to about absolutely nothing. Marry the woman that goes to obscure sporting events and takes an unplanned trip to a Star Wars convention with you. The woman that attends public outings that she has no interest in and has a good time, simply because she loves you is the woman with whom you should spend your life. The woman that you enjoy doing the simple things with, is the one to marry.

2. Compliment her – Marrying a woman is similar to owning a car.* Just like the regular maintenance that a car requires, you have to perform regular maintenance to your relationship to keep her happy. After you have learned to communicate openly and honestly, learn to say all the little positive things to her that you think but do not mention. Women need compliments to feel appreciated. When your partner feels appreciated, she will be more apt to do the little things that make you happy.

3. Learn to apologize – As a man, there are a few things that you need to know before you get married. None of them are more important than this one. You are going to make numerous mistakes in your relationship. Some of your errors will be tangible, and with some of them you will be clueless as to what you actually did. Either way, you need to learn how to apologize. Unfortunately, the way that you learned to apologize as a child no longer is sufficient. Men are taught to look sincerely into someone’s eyes, say that you are sorry, shake their hand, and return to normal life before your indiscretion. When you are married, that simple gesture does not work. First you need to identify your mistake and apologize for it. Next, you need to disclose your intentions in the matter and assure your partner that the results of your behavior were not the intended ones. Finally, you resolve the problem by finding a reasonable alternative to your previous actions so as not to repeat that mistake again. And yes, all these steps are necessary.

4. There is a difference between you are wrong and you hurt my feelings – You may be correct in voicing your complaint. You may be right about whatever it is that the two of you are arguing. You may have said your criticism in the most docile, non-threatening way that you know how to express it. But, if you hurt the feelings of your significant other, then you need to apologize. A person’s emotions are tied to different things depending on their various life experiences. Even though you may not have intended to illicit a certain, negative response, once you have evoked it, apologize. You told the truth with no harmful intentions. You also hurt her feelings, so fix it. In the end, you have to ask yourself would you rather be right, or be happy?

5. The big things are not as important as the little ones – In relationships, the big disagreements and even vicious arguments are seldom the reason that a breakup happens. Infidelity and poor financial decisions are not as detrimental to a couple as the minute occurrences that happen naturally when two people are completely self-involved and ignorant to the needs of their loved ones. It is the culmination of many different little things that forces couples to split. If you have to ask your wife continuously to the same things, then resentment grows and festers. Concurrently, if she has to keep reminding you of simple things then she may become agitated.

6. Save money – Women need security. This does not mean that once a woman is in a relationship, her ability too fend for herself dissipates. It does mean that there is often an unspoken expectation for the man to take care of financial responsibilities. When the spending becomes strained in a relationship, so do the emotional connections. The leading cause of divorce is instability and inconsistency with the management of money.

6. Women are beautiful – As a single man, you understand and appreciate women in a completely different way than the way you love them as a married man. When you are single you enjoy relationships with women solely on a surface level. You appreciate women only physically and intellectually. You notice the subtle and obvious differences between women and men. Their soft skin, protruding hips, supple breasts, long hair, and long legs are in stark contrast to the rugged male form. Women are built more curvy and delicate from their lips, to their bust line, down to their petite feet. The female form is aesthetically beautiful. Finding the woman that has the brains to match her physical beauty is amazing. You have met the person that is your equal in every way. You move from intrigue, to basic attraction, to full-on lust. That lust becomes more passionate and finally gives way to love. And, after you marry a woman, you experience love at another level. Until you live with someone, you do not really know them; you know what they show you. When you share a home with another person, their true character is revealed. You begin to share your hopes, goals, and dreams, as well as your fears and insecurities. You know and appreciate your spouse on a more complex level because you express your most candid thoughts and most intimate emotions. You can be vulnerable with the woman that you love in a way that could never be reached with one of your male friends. A transparency develops with the woman that you marry that is difficult to describe. And, you love her for it. As the two of you go through the natural progressions of married life, like having children and amassing financial wealth, your love for your wife grows exponentially. You love who she is internally more than what she is physically or what she does. Women fill so many pertinent roles in the lives of the men that they love, such as wife, friend, lover, mother to your children, and adviser, and men are better for it. Women are beautiful and the relationships that men have with them are the most precious gift that they receive.

*To all of the feminists readers, please read on, there is a fairly relevant and sanguine point to this seemingly misogynistic statement. Also, is not responsible for any actions taken to convince the author not make other misogynistic comments.

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