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Reasons Not to Date The Hipster Girl

7 Sep

Every person is different, and at we generally like to celebrate all our differences and our similarities. But, the hipster movement has taken over popular culture and people are beginning to overtly accentuate their eccentricities to the point where being normal is shunned. It is now cool to date the weird girl with the “Blossom” hat and Birkenstock sandals instead of making fun of her with your friends. Quirks are mainstream and bullying is shamed. But, you should not fall into the traps that the millennials have set for you. Hipster women need to be avoided at all costs. There are plenty of reasons not to date a hipster girl. Here are a few.

hipster girl03

She Is Probably Unstable

Piercing your septum, covering your face, neck, or hands in tattoos, and/or dying your hair any color that does not occur naturally in human beings are all indirect signs of instability. The woman who changes her hair color erratically from blue to orange to beach ball yellow probably does not have a normal home life. And, though tattoos have become mainstream in the last ten years, the woman with “Butt Slut” inked across her butt cheeks may have some daddy issues amongst other problems. Any woman that publicly alters her appearance so drastically has no foresight about their future. And while it is fun to live in the moment with someone who could be full of life, creativity, and passion, keeping the lights on and having cable TV is kind of fun too. Because, in order to keep a decent paying career you have to avoid a subculture appearance. Not delivering pizzas, not working in restaurants, and not living in your mother’s basement is a direct result of looking and acting within societal norms. And, the classy ladies that you will eventually meet will also like your paying the bills version of fun. Unless you are a bar owner, a tattoo artist, or a musician you should stay away from the crazy chick with the purple Skrillex cut the “No Regrets” tattoo across her boobs..

She Craves Attention

The nerd culture that drives hipster culture is about being seen. No woman wears thick brimmed glasses despite having perfect vision, dyes her hair neon green, and dons breath-restricting high-waisted skinny jean daisy duke cutoffs with suspenders without wanting people to look at them. That woman is just dying for someone to notice how alternative she is. And, attention whores are like regular whores but with very little loyalty and even less transparency. Even street walkers are loyal to their pimps, but people who need to be the center of attention wherever they go are only concerned with their own well-being. A woman who needs eyes on her to be happy will leave as soon as finds a way to get more attention from the people around her.

Creative Style Does Not Mean Open Mind

Men think that hipster girls have open minds about culture, sex, and politics and would be great to date. But, ideologies about those topics vary from person to person within this subculture just like they do in all of society. Background and life experience dictate different preferences, not choice of clothing and accessories. There are liberal and conservative hipsters. Some of them are everymen and -women and some are elitist. Hipster girls are no more intelligent, cool, or daring than any other person in society, and hipster culture amounts to alternative clothing for ordinary people.

expensive food

Hipster Life Gets Expensive

That micro-brew with Swiss hops blended into an IPA costs ten dollar a bottle (no, hipsters do not only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon). The vegan restaurant that specializes in meat-inspired main courses that are composed only of organic vegetables raised in pH lowered soil can get pricey. Gluten free anything costs more and tastes worse than its flour filled counterparts, yet hipster women consciously go out of their way to find these overpriced, mediocre foods. They spend countless dollars to achieve their “ironic” look that is basically slutting up their grandparents clothes by making them tighter and shorter or making the same clothes look even more elongated, dopey, and dumpy. Save your money. Date a yuppie.

Can An Entire Subculture Be Based on Irony?

Everyone gets it. You are witty and sarcastic. Your clothes are nerdy. You read classic literature, and have a few “important” quotes tatted on your shoulder. But, can you live your entire life based on not being like everyone else? And, if your sole purpose in life is to not fit in with everyone else, then why would be a part of any group? This is the irony of the hipster movement. Collectively leaving the establishment to build your own community that will eventually replace the established powers makes you the establishment.

Hipsters Are Hypocrites

Hipsters can not stand judgmental right-wingers who sit and tear down others constantly, yet they spend a pretty decent allotment of their time tearing down people in society. People who eat meat are murderers. People who like big brands are destroying the economy. People who drive gas cars hate the environment. Here’s the thing. I like steak, and if one cow has to be sacrificed for me and the homies to get our red meat fix, then Clarabelle has to go to the slaughterhouse. McDonald’s might be the worst food in the world for humans, but it tastes good. Your judgments will not stop people from buying it. People like Old Navy and Starbucks. They like sporting events and Budweiser. And, your constant cynicism about major brands is ridiculous because American Apparel and Urban Outfitters are just as large and controversial as the rest of those big brands.

Is Skinny A Thing?

Being slim is sexy. Having an athletic build is even sexier. Sexy comes in large sizes too. But, why are so many hipster girls skinny? Third world hunger commercials are not a standard of beauty, the “I need nutrients and vitamins” look is not in, and skinny jeans on skinny people is an abomination. The irony here is that a group of people who are completely obsessed with “being alternative” succumb to unhealthy beauty standards set by an establishment that they publicly oppose.


These are the only people for whom androgyny was completely believable.


Androgyny has worked for exactly five people: Prince, David Bowie, Marilyn Manson, Justin Beiber, and Ruby Rose. It has helped the careers of eighties hair bands, Tilda Swinton, and a few fashion supermodels, but androgyny as a whole has only been accepted when it came from people who genuinely showed “gender-fluid” identities. Feigned masculinity, or femininity for that matter, look awkward and contrived, especially on women who only wear the clothes to be “ironic”.

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