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What He Is Really Saying

14 Sep

Statement: “I’m a romantic.”
True Meaning: “I have no money.”

Statement: “You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about.”
True Meaning: “You are the only girl who will sleep with me.”

Statement: “I really want to get to know you better.”
True Meaning: “I really want to sleep with you and tell my friends about it.”

Statement: “She’s kinda cute.”
True Meaning: “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed after the deed is done.”

Statement: “I don’t know if I like her.”
True Meaning: “She won’t sleep with me.”

Statement: “Was it good for you?”
True Meaning: “I have a small penis.”

Statement: “I had a wonderful time last night.”
True Meaning: “I have no idea what to say after a one night stand.”

Statement: “Do you love me?”
True Meaning: “I’ve done something really stupid and you might find out soon.”

Statement: “Do you ‘really’ love me?”
True Meaning: “Have you found out what I did? If not, get ready for it.”

Statement: “How much do you love me?”
True Meaning: “Please don’t dump me.”

Statement: “I have something to tell you.”
True Meaning: “You now have herpes.”

Statement: “I’ve been thinking a lot.”
True Meaning: “It’s not you. It’s me.”

Statement: “I think we should just be friends.”
True Meaning: “It’s not me. It’s you.”

Statement: “I’ve learned a lot from you.”
True Meaning: “I am going to use those lessons on your younger sister.”

Statement: “I never lie.”
True Meaning: “I regularly omit the truth.”

Statement: “I am not looking for anything too serious.”
True Meaning: “I do not think that you are girlfriend material, but I would like to keep sleeping with you.”

Statement: “Hey stranger.”
True Meaning: “We had hot sex a long time ago. Are you up for a little more doggy style?”

Statement: “I do not ruin our relationship.”
True Meaning: “You are honestly not that hot.”

Statement: “Can we talk about this later?”
True Meaning: “Will you please shut up?”


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