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Playbook for the Wing Man

9 Oct

The wing man is the most important tool to any single man that hopes to be successful in approaching and engaging hot single females. Women have multiple, different tactics to foil the single man’s plans for the night, from the outright cock-block, to the more subtle ladies night. But, there is hope. With the proper execution of these plays by experienced wing men, single guys can easily pull the hottie away from her standard crowd of man-hating friends. In lue of the NBA playoffs and the long-gone March Madness, here is the official wingman playbook.

In each play of the wingman playbook, the x’s represent you and your wingman and the o’s represent the hot girl and her hateful, vindictive unattractive friends.

Situation: The hot girl is with her “rooster” blocking friend. You have watched this friend destroy several guys’ chances of having even a small conversation with the hottie by guarding her like a pit bull. She steps in front her hot friend when guys approach. She feigns boredom when a guy actually gets a word in to the hot chick. She will even pull her away from guys trying to chat up her friend.

The plan: Your wingman must engage the hateful friend even if it means flirting. This is called “taking one for the team” in layman’s terms. He has to set a pick for you to get to the sexy girl by any means necessary. Once the ugly friend is fully immersed in meaningless conversation, you get around the two of them and work your magic. But, work fast the ugly girl always gets free quickly.

Situation: You thought that a chick looked good from far across the room. It turned out that she looked far from good when you got a little closer. Now you are stuck in a conversation with a woman that is not attractive and is very boring.

The plan: You introduce her to your wingman, have him draw her attention towards himself and make your get away. Once she has a new target, you are free to talk to whomever you want.

Situation: You have walked into a ladies night and the lady with whom you want to converse is completely surrounded by her sour-faced friends (I’m sure you know a few people that always look like they’ve been sucking on a lemon). You know that you can not walk into the middle of a ladies night without being shooed away unsuccessfully with your tail between your legs as they laugh together at your futile attempt.

The plan: You will need a few wingmen to get open this time, but this scenario is similar to the pick and roll. This situation calls for a well-coordinated attack. If any one of her possibly desperate and often disparaging girlfriends is left roaming freely, they can and will hate on your plans to flirt with the cute one. You once again have to wait for the perfect opportunity to attack, but move quickly once you see your chance, because depending on how beautiful she is, there may guys waiting for the same chance as you are and they may use the diversion made by your wingmen if you doddle.

Situation: The ladies are out on the dance floor in a tight circle. They are dancing together and no man has been able to successfully pull any one of the girls away from their friends. This is partially because they have confusingly started dancing suggestively and seductively grinding on one another. This makes all the guys that are near the group of girls get rowdy which makes them less likely to split up.

The plan: You have to break the circle. You being able to woo the hottest girl of this clique is entirely dependent on your ability to penetrate this faux-lesbian dance party. You send the least threatening, best dancer directly into the middle of the girls. If he dances well enough, one of the girls will gravitate towards him. You send the tallest, attractive friend in next because he can hypothetically dance with and talk to any one of the girls in the circle. Once your target dancer is free, you make your move. Hint: this works a lot better if you are a decent dancer.

Situation: It is 1:45  a.m. and the bar/club/whatever establishment that you are in closes at 2. You have connected on a emotional level with a sexy, woman and you know that she is into you. Her friends are slowly matriculating towards her with stale faces and their hands on their hips. You only have seconds to sell a trip to your apartment for a few more drinks or maybe coffee and hopefully breakfast.

The plan: This is a classic delay offense. Any reason that her nosy friends give her to ditch you and go home with them will sound better than whatever you have to say or do with her. They will plead, pull, and even guilt her into leaving you at the place. Your wingmen have a duty to keep her friends spread out, away from you, and occupied. Tell them to talk about the weather. Make them tell the girls how beautiful they are, despite the fact that some of them look and sound like the love child of Bea Arthur and Mr. T. Tell them to wrestle the hating girlfriends to the ground like a rabid wildebeest if they have to, but do not let them talk to your lady. If they do their job well, you just may get that breakfast with a hot lady.

Study this playbook carefully, so that you can fulfill your duties as a wingman. Because, every man has needed a good wingman at some point in his life and you might need one soon.

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