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10 Ways to Know If He Is Cheating

3 Oct

Worst start to a marriage…ever.

Is your husband or boyfriend cheating on you? Before I give you the definitive list of ways to know if he’s cheating, allow me to clear up some misconceptions for a few celebrity spouses and wealthy housewives. If your husband is a professional actor, athlete, or successful business man that travels, he is probably not faithful.  I do not say this because I have cynicism about fidelity, but because I have realistic expectations of people. I wasn’t surprised that Tiger Woods had extra-marital relations or that Shaquille O’Neal had multiple affairs. They are two of the most recognizable figures in the world, so they have unlimited options for affairs. You should not be surprised that a multi-millionaire business man that is forced to travel without his family can be infidelitous. There is a direct correlation between your financial status and availability and your likelihood to have an affair. As your options grow so does the number of possibilities to cheat. But I digress…

If your man is a commoner like the rest of us, then here are a few tips to figure out if he is sneaking behind your back.

1. He changes his appearance suddenly – This sudden change indicates a larger, more impactful change in conscience. This is probably one of the 1st signs of infidelity. That new haircut that’s trendy and completely different from any hairstyle that he’s ever had, might have been suggested to him by another lady and not the barber. He normally dresses sloppily and in tatered clothes to work, but for the last week, he’s been in dry-cleaned suits? He has new shoes and a new wardrobe now. That car that you thought was a dusty brown is now bright red? He might be trying to impress some one new.

2. He’s distant and despondent – You used to communicate regularly about the casual happenings in your lives and the world around you. Now he never converses with you and is always in daydreaming. You try to get into his head and heart, but that leads to arguments. There is an emotional disconnect that occurred somehow. Your boyfriend may be emotionally intimate with someone else, which leads to physical intimacy and/or break-ups.

3. He’s always with his friends – Occasionally, this is true, but most of the time a guy is not with his friends. As a single man, I spent a lot of time with my buddies. But, a room full of single guys is loud and boisterous. If you call and can’t hear the television blaring and people yelling profanities with the occasional obscenity tossed in, then your significant other is not with the boys. He’s with someone whom you would not approve.

4. He’s working late – Different jobs necessitate various work hours and differing levels of availability. However, “I’m working late.” is a perfect alibi, because there is no feasible way to check the truth of the statement. As a spouse, you have some general idea of when your husband works and how long. If he has a big project that keeps him at work late for an extended period of time and he never brings any work home, he may be having an at-work romance.

5. You keep hearing rumors – Rumors are the proverbial two-edged sword. They could have been spread purposely to break you up by a jealous person. They could be entirely unfounded in truth and detrimental to your relationship. Or, they could be the result of a cheating lover.

6. You can never find him – He never answers his phone. Your call gets returned hours later when he’s on the way home. He does not return texts. He’s missing regularly for large blocks of time.

If you can never find your man, this may be what he’s doing.

7. You are accused of cheating - My dad used to say, “A liar thinks that everybody else lies too.” This is true for the cheater too. A person that has to consider every move that he makes to keep secrets, is carefully watching your moves too. He sees your actions through a filter of deceipt and will see every irregular behavior that you have as a sign of infidelity.

8. You are not having sex - Your lover used to kiss and hold you regularly, but now he seems disinterested. When you said that you noticed he wasn’t as frisky, he started again, but seemed disingenious. You went from a “twice a week” couple to not making love in nearly a month. If he’s not sleeping with you, then he has found another love interest. If you always have to initiate intimacy, then he is probably unfaithful.

9. He has a new “move” – If your love making instantly changes from pedestrian to explosive, or if he goes from a once a week guy to practically ripping off your clothes, then he might be cheating. He had to learn that new move somewhere, right? Here’s something depressing for the married folks out there. Technique with intimacy doesn’t usually change unprompted. So, if you didn’t teach him how to do that, his mistress probably did.

10. Use your intuition – Finally, use your intuition. If something is amiss or recently something is troubling you about your spouse, then you already have a clue that their is some deception. When you trust your intuition with these types of situations, you are rarely mistaken.

9 Responses to “10 Ways to Know If He Is Cheating”

  1. stop cheating September 22, 2011 at 1:34 PM #

    I think that partners cheating on us and having affairs outside is really painful and depressing. Some of the things that I feel that could be really helpful is to sit down with the partner and get a complete reasoning and understanding of the reasons for the cheating. One needs to make it a point to express self, appropriately and frequently. Also I feel that taking the issue out of the four walls does more bad than good.

    • DIANE July 4, 2012 at 2:02 AM #


      • AFM July 4, 2012 at 8:20 AM #

        I’m sorry it has taken me so long to respond to you Diane, but here we go. The first question that I have for you is,’ Have you been cheated on before?’ Sometimes, when a person endures a relationship with an unfaithful partner, they carry baggage from that bad relationship into their next relationship. It is unfair to blame your current partner for the transgressions of another partner. If you have never been in a relationship with a cheater, then the next question is, ‘What has he done to make you stop trusting him?’ Normally, there is a specific moment when suspicion arises. And, if you found panties or condom wrappers in his home, then you know that something is wrong. The last thing that I will say to you is this. If you know that something is amiss in your relationship, and you do not have any concrete evidence, then leave him anyway. In most cases where cheating is suspected, the partner who is being cheated on has enough proof to leave,but they just stick around until the other person fully betrays them. Your guy may not be cheating on you, but it is obvious that his priorities are placed elsewhere. When a person truly cares about you, they make all the necessary adjustments to their schedule to accommodate you into their life.

  2. briana August 11, 2012 at 11:14 AM #

    My question is when is the right time to let that person go.? That person never answer my texts and when he do its twenty to thirty minutes afterwards and his favourite excuse is that he is sleep or that he was playing ball.but I know he’s cheating cause recently he hasn’t been playing ball n he doesn’t txt bk less I txt him its like we have a lil game to see who’s going to txt first.then he goes on a website and says he married to some other girl but claims its fake.somethings u just don’t do and that’s one of them.he gets mad at me for speaking to other guys yet he can say he’s married to somebody else ..Idk wat to do.?

    • AFM August 11, 2012 at 5:01 PM #

      Briana, this is a difficult situation to comment on without all the information. But I will say that most of the time, when a partner in a relationship suspects that their partner is cheating, there usually is something wrong. If your husband never answers the phone when you call (in recreational time, not work), then he may be doing something that you may not approve of. Trust your instincts. Things like constantly being unavailable and accusing you of cheating with other guys can be signs of a man with a guilty conscience. However, if you have been cheated on in the past, it could be that you are overreacting to his innocent behavior.

  3. lauren January 2, 2013 at 4:12 PM #

    So I have been seeing this guy for just a month and things are already going sour…. I have found out so far that he tells alot of lies just little ones like when we first got together he told me he was a manager of a bar and then it turned out my cousin knew a guy my boyfriend worked with in the bar and this guy said he was never the manager so when i heard that I kind of thought well what else could he lie to me about if he can tell little minor lies like that… Then he tells me things like he used to be a player and that he would cheat on most of his past girlfriends and when I said well what makes me so different he never answered… And then on new years eve his best friend was having a party and everyone went but he didnt want me to go because he said he doesnt like me drinking and when I said I wont drink he then said well I wouldnt want you there anyway cause theres going to be people there I dont like and I dont want you seeing me getting into fights… And that has annoyed me ever since he barely text or rang me all that night I dont know what to say without starting an argument so early into the relationship.

    • AFM January 2, 2013 at 6:15 PM #

      Lauren, it is pretty obvious that you like this guy. However, he has given you every classic sign of a guy that is sleeping around. He lies, he has excuses why he does not want to be with you, and now he is not calling you. In situations like these, I always say trust your gut. And, your gut should tell you that a liar who does not want to be with you on New Year’s Eve (most likely so that he could sleep with other girls) is probably not the right guy for you.

  4. linda blevins August 24, 2013 at 12:49 AM #

    WE have been over a year now and we used to have sexall the time.bit hear latley we ant been having sex and we use to sleep together and now he fall asleep on the couch and holding his penics while he sleeps on the couch like he dont want know body to touch it and he wont answer my calls either like he use to.i have an 8 yrs.old son and its not it not his son and he loves him dearly i need to know either to leave him or not thankd

    • AFM August 26, 2013 at 2:11 PM #

      I would never tell you what to do Linda, but it does sound like the two of you have some serious issues that need to be worked out. The first thing that I would suggest is to try talking about your problems honestly. The relationship may be beyond repair, but clear communication could help both of you to see what you want from the relationship. It is a good sign that he has not left the house, because that means that he may still be in the relationship mentally, however you should be prepared to hear the truth from him when the two of you finally talk. And, it might not be pretty. Make sure that you and he do not call each other names if the argument gets heated. And, refrain from using “I” and you”. Talk about what you as a couple desire. Good luck.

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