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Why Won’t He Commit

19 Oct

This article was originally submitted on February 27, 2011. Because of the response from our readers, we have resubmitted this article for our readers. Enjoy.

He always says all the right things to you. He is kind, patient, and responsible. More so, the two of you have fun together. You talk about any and everything to him. He is your lover and your best friend. This guy seems like he could be your soul mate, but he will not make a commitment to you. These are the top reasons why a man will not take your relationship to the next level, in no particular order.

1. He has emotional baggage - Guys have emotions too. Your boyfriend may have had a terrible experience in a relationship before the two of you met. Emotional scars from past dalliances can affect your present relationship. One of the first steps to finding resolution with a difficult break-up is him openly communicating his feelings about the split to someone that he trusts. Men seldom talk to anyone about their feelings, regardless of how painful those emotions may be.  Often, a man’s girlfriend is his only connection to emoting regularly.If you convince him to share his experiences, preferably have someone other than you converse with him. While you may be fully invested in this relationship, you may not be capable of hearing in vivid detail what connected him to another woman.

2. You have emotional baggage - You have had a string of bad relationships over the last year and your faith in men has dwindled steadily since then. There is an emotional wall that protects your feelings from the pain and mistrust that you have received from men, but it also guards against genuine affection from the right man. Men are also more intuitive than they are perceived to be. If you are keeping a part of yourself from him, then he will not commit. He will guard his heart as adamantly as you have been guarding yours. Communication is once again the answer. So, tell him that you are protective of your heart, find a friend that you trust with your darkest secrets, and open up about your difficulties with dating.

3. He is too immature - Before a man can commit, he has to grow up. An immature guy will never marry you because you are not his priority. His priority is his special car, new video games, old “bromances”, or himself. With an immature guy you represent a luxury, not a necessity. Leave the frat boy alone immediately. You can not force him to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.

4. He is not ready financially - Financial stability will make or break your relationship. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Well over 70% of divorces are caused by couples falling on hard financial times. The inability to pay bills on time or possibly being evicted from your home places a great deal of stress on couples. When your basic needs are going unmet, relationships tend struggle. If your man clearly tells you that he is not stable enough financially to support your relationship, either trust him and wait while he builds his credit and finds another job, get another job to help with bills, or find a new man altogether.

5. He wants to play the field - Whether he has had a minimum amount of partners and wants to get a little more experience, or he thinks that he is “too much man for one woman,” you should distance yourself from this guy. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is a byproduct of immaturity, and in either situation, you lose. If he honestly needs to date other women because he was not exposed to different women prior to meeting you, then you have to come to terms with the fact that someone that you hold dear, may find someone else. In parallel, you have to accept the fact that the same person that you care for immensely, did not fully appreciate  the scope of your relationship. If you are dating the egotistical, “weigh his options guy,” then you have misjudged the character of a man in which you have invested time and emotion. The best solution is abstraction.

6. You are crazy - A man will not commit to a woman that is completely, mentally unstable. If you are manic-depressive, bipolar, or schizophrenic and medicated, then you should keep taking your medicine. If you are not medicated and just utterly irrational, then you should consider therapy and possibly becoming medicated. Men do not enjoy arguing. Men do not enjoy crying. Men do not enjoy arguing and crying with their women. If you can not talk to your significant other without breaking into tears or a fit of rage, then seek help.

7. You are lame - You never go out anymore. You dress poorly now, too. The two of you seem like an old married couple, more like roommates than lovers. Instead dressing well and spending nights out on the town, you spend nights watching the newscast in your sweatpants. You ask, “What’s wrong?” constantly. Nothing is wrong, except that he is going to bang his head against a wall until it is a bloody pulp if you ask him that question again. Where is the fun girl that he met out clubbing with his friends? Where is the girl that rode with him to Atlantic City on a whim? If you find her, you may find an engagement ring too. Men are unintentionally expected to be the entertainment for their relationships. In most pairings, the guy has to bring the excitement and enthusiasm with him. Women that are equally engaging find husbands.

8. He is not the one - You met in college and he was awesome. The two of you like all the same things, you finish each others sentences, and the last two years have flown by quickly. Slowly, you start to feel a slight disinterest in working out the tawdry problems that arise in your relationship. In fact, you have become slightly disinterested in him. Similarly, he has checked out of the romance emotionally. On paper, everything matches perfectly, but in reality your bond has weakened significantly. Relationships all work in theory if people are willing to compromise. However, some people are not compatible despite having the same passions.

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