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How to Know if You Live in the Hood…

6 Nov

In these difficult economic times many people that once lived a nice, suburban life, have now been thrust into different social classes and thus different neighborhoods. Some people have had to leave their home and relocate to a different area that does not at all resemble their previous location. Some people had the living space change around them drastically. Do not be alarmed. You may have accidentally moved into the hood and there are many smaller indicators of this place that are available to you. Here are a few signs that you need to make some necessary adjustments to your lifestyle, like adding burglar bars and an alarm to your home.

  • There are burglar bars on every other house on your block – Burglar bars in every window of every house on a block is your first hint that there may be a little bit of a crime problem in your new neighborhood.
  • There is a liquor store on one end of your block and a church on the other end – one of the biggest ironies of poor neighborhoods is the close proximity of the churches that serve wholesomeness and ideals of moderation and liquor stores where vices are readily available. If you juxtapose these two things with the crime rate then you will find your new neighborhood is rife with contradictions.
  • Every convenience store in your neighborhood is grossly over-priced – Why does this bar of soap cost $8? Does it brush my teeth and make dinner too?
  • Every convenience store in your neighborhood is owned and operated by a family of immigrant Americans who just learned the English language – “Around here we speak American.”

If you know what Tampico is, you will not live to see 55.

  • The “convenience” stores only sell fruit drink – Fruit juice is healthy and wholesome. Fruit drink insures that you will have diabetes and/or a heart problems.
  • Everyone of your new neighbors knows what a “40″ is – If you are not sure what it is, ask Hector, Pookie, or Bubba depending on what type of hood in which you live.

  • Your children’s new school has a hole in the roof and in the ceiling of each of its classrooms – I hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow
  • The teachers in your children’s new school are over-worked, under-paid, and generally disinterested in the overall welfare of the children – Welcome to public education!
  • Everyone of the children and adults in your new neighborhood are not called by their government name – “Tell Spider, Peanut, and Thunderbird to stop sitting on my car.”
  • You have been stopped by the police for failure to signal when making a right turn when you stopped your car, used your turn signal, made a hand gesture, and then turned your car to the right – When you live in a bad neighborhood, you will be stopped more often things like failure to signal, failure to come to a complete stop at a stop sign, and first degree assault. The last one happens if you actually are a criminal.
  • Old men sit on the corner drinking and talking from sun up to sun down – When you are over 50, retired or out of work, and poor, the party starts whenever you get up.
  • People sit on the porches of their houses and watch you – In poor neighborhoods, the residents sit and watch each other. No one knows the reason this occurs.

  • People walk into an abandoned house at all hours of the night – Congratulations, you have just seen your first crack house.
  • Your neighbor does not have a job or rich parents, but has a new Cadillac Deville with expensive rims and tires, an extravagant house, a hot girlfriend that might be a stripper (you can’t really tell, but her clothes are very revealing), and a pocket full of cash – There is a strong possibility that he sells drugs. You should stay away from him.

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