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Man’s Rights in Abortion

4 Dec

The views expressed in the following passage do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of All opinions stated below are the views of the author and in no way represent the views, concerns, or policies of

By William Bixby

I am not Pro-Life and I am also not Pro-Choice. And, though my stance on the subject is not defined in terms clearly enough to choose a side on this debate, I do have a singular belief that rings true on the issue. The act of abortion as it now stands is completely unfair to prospective fathers.

This article was not written in an attempt to convince people to stop having abortions nor was it written to encourage people to have unplanned children. There is no stand on a moral high ground that was meant to shame the people who decide abortion is the best option for them or to praise those that decide to keep the unborn child despite difficult personal situations. This is just an attempt to explain exactly what is wrong with abortion from the male point of view.

Let me start by exempting the one big outlier in abortion, rape. If a woman was the victim of sexual assault, then she should have the complete and sole right to decide if she wants to abort her assailant’s child. No person should be forced into sex with another regardless of gender, and no woman should be forced to carry their abuser’s child. Furthermore, no criminal should have any extension of power over their victim, and the emotional and physical stress that is caused by being raped and the physical toll of carrying a child should never be forced upon any woman.

However, in consensual, intimate relationships, whether the intimacy is purely physical or both sexual and emotional, men are undeservedly devoid of power when it comes to abortion. Once a couple has become pregnant, only the woman has the right to decide whether a child is going to be born or be aborted. The idea of “choice” with regards to abortion sounds so simple and appropriate. A woman, who has to carry the child for nine months, should decide whether she can handle the burden of bearing and caring for the child in her womb. But, the pro-choice enthusiasts ultimately disregard the needs and desires of the father of the unborn child without ever listening to him. The choice to have or abort a baby rests in the hands of one person when the decision to make the child was made by two people. This practice is unfair and deplorable. Two people made a decision to sleep together. Two people failed to properly use contraception to prevent pregnancy. And most essential to my point, two people collectively created a new life.

If two people were necessary to create a baby, it seems that both partners should have some input into the future of that child. However, women hold all the power once a child has been conceived. Women decide whether a man who wants to be a dad will lose that chance at fatherhood, and conversely they decide if a man who is not ready to have a child will become a father. The power to kill a fetus holds an abundance of authority over a man’s life. Becoming a dad is one of the most challenging and rewarding endeavors in a man’s life, and many men relish the opportunity to shoulder that responsibility. But the possibility of being someone’s father can be crushed by a woman who is not ready to become a mother. Any and every man can be denied his parental right by the simple selfish act of a woman choosing to go through with an abortion without his consent. And, the decision to have a child can be equally as devastating to a man. An hour of fun (If we are being honest, 10-20 minutes of fun) can lead to 18 years of child support payments for a guy, because in most states women are awarded primary custody until proven to be unfit parents. 20-40% of a man’s earnings can be garnished to pay for a child that he could not afford, was too immature to raise, or simply did not want for personal reasons (and this disregards the detrimental emotional effect that an absent father has on the child). Responsible fathers have all the same financial culpability and the added emotional accountability to this child that that they not ready to father. From the moment that the first pregnancy test reads positive, all the power in a relationship shifts to the lady. With the inherent charge of deciding the fate of the fetus, she also is suddenly in control of the life of her sex partner. And, that is unjust.

I do not have a solution that would make the issue of abortion less polarizing to the general public. Nor do I know how to make the decision of whether or not to have an abortion more equitable between the sexes. I do not know that any endowment of authority over abortion that is given to men would not make the process of aborting a baby any easier for women or any fairer for men. But, the lack of a solution to the inequalities of abortion does not mean that they should continue to be ignored. And, a discourse about the subject is a step in the right direction. Maybe the law could require the signatures of both of the prospective parents of the unborn baby for an abortion to be allowed. Or more conceivably, the judicial system could forage into different custody laws, because women who have to pay child support rather than receive it may be more apt to weigh their stances on abortion more diligently. Whatever the course of action though, men need more rights when the future of their child and the quality of the rest of their lives are lying in the hands of someone else.

12 Responses to “Man’s Rights in Abortion”

  1. Elsa Frozen September 21, 2016 at 11:16 AM #

    Whoa, this is a very alarming discourse. The only thing that a human has say so over is his or her own body. A man cannot be permitted to force a woman to carry his child or to abort it. I shudder to think of the prospect of having a man force me to have or abort the child. If a man and woman are in a loving, committed relationship and both want to have children then this is a non-issue. If a man does not want a child he should always wear a condom (and not complain about “numbness” or whatever), date a baren woman or have a vasectomy. If the man wants a child and deliberately impregnates a woman who does not want this, one could argue that this is a case of aggravated assault on (the sovereignty and autonomy of) the woman and she should be able to terminate if she so wishes. If he does this by accident, she should also always be the one who decides. It is her body and childbirth is not always safe. Women can die while giving birth. Ultimately no one is forcing him to “unload” his business in her womb. He did this of his own accord and so he accepts the fact that the body he unloaded in becomes pregnant and that this body is autonomous and therefore can do as it pleases with the load. The fact that the woman becomes pregnant does not give him the right to violate her body by forcing her to carry a child she does not want for 9 months, giving a painful birth to it which fucks up her body and raise it for a minimum of 18 years or have herself taken to an abortion facility and be violated there and have the child taken from her by force. Not if she damnwell wants this. We are not cows nor chattle. So men, you don’t want baby? Try being celibate, always wearing a condom, having a vasectomy, dating a baren woman, becoming gay etc. You want a baby? How about finding a woman who desperately wants the same? Stop being a bunch of cry babies or women will stop having sex with you altogether and be done with it. Because trust me, no woman shall accept this kind of meddling in her affairs and rightfully so.

    • AFM September 21, 2016 at 3:09 PM #

      No man should have the authority to tell a woman to carry or abort a child. That is true. But, I think the author is attempting to make the point that men have no power over whether they will become a father or have their child aborted once the pregnancy happens. Condoms do not solve that problem, and men are most likely not running around trying to get women pregnant. But, if they are excited once the prospect of becoming a father happens, then they have no power in whether that child will be born. If a man is completely willing to take full custody of that child, should he not be given the opportunity to raise his child? It seems a little unfair. I assume that the author did not give a solution because the problem is fairly complex and what solution given would be fair to women? I understood the article as saying that men have no rights in abortion and that is not fair, but not necessarily trying to infringe on the rights of women.

  2. Elsa Frozen September 22, 2016 at 3:46 AM #

    I’m sorry, but once the load is deposited in an unwanting woman and she does not want to mix her genes with yours and conceive a child, you cannot make her have it. If you refuse to use a condom or have a vasectomy, and still wish to have unprotected sex and she gets pregnant and intends to keep it, then you accepted the risk of pregnancy. You had unprotected fun and left your soldiers in her womb. You can refuse to be a part of the childs life. That is always your right. You always have a choice, Do not have unprotected sex if you don’t want children, don’t fuck around without a condom or do not be promiscuous. That way you retain all the power over your little soldiers. The question is: why would a man want a child from a woman that does not want a child from him? Men have the power to choose to be a father or not. Wear a condom with women that you do not want to have your child or only date a woman who uses contraceptives. If you are in a relationship and you want a child, talk to your woman and if she says yes, go ahead and have yourself a baby. If a man wants to take full custody of a child, but the woman does not want the bodily discomfort of carying the child for nine months and the pain of child labor…Should we make a law that makes women who are unwilling to conceive go to a sort of jail which keeps her chained to her bed for 9 months so she can’t terminate the pregnancy and send her on her way after she had the child? I think that women will then become very careful about who they have sex with and this would usher in the end of the hedonistic lifestyle most men have grown accustomed to. No more one night stands, no more promiscuous fun :’(. Only marriage. Hmmm…this could potentially be a good evolution. Go ahead and challenge us for the right to decide over our own bodies and there will be hell to pay muhahahaha :p.

    But on a serious note, if you want a child…go and sleep with a woman who wants the same. If you don’t…wrap up your little soldiers and only sleep with a woman who also does not want a child. Do not trust her with the contraceptives, but also always wear your raincoat to avoid accidents.

    • AFM September 22, 2016 at 9:13 PM #

      Unfortunately, some men use protection and still get their partner pregnant. And, there are women who get pregnant on purpose to secure child support payments from affluent guys. 18 years of payments for a child that you did not want is terrible. The child is basically fatherless and both parents are usually bitter. The author said that men lose 20%-40% of their income because of this. Can you as woman imagine 1 out of every 5 of your dollars being taken away from you by the government to support a man whom you are no longer dating and a child that you did not want? And conversely, there are men who wanted their unborn child, but the woman with whom they were in a relationship aborted the child without conversing about the decision. That loss has to be even more gut wrenching for a man who wants to be a dad. It isn’t realistic to tell guys to stop having sex if they do not want babies, because people as a whole are driven by sex. You wouldn’t tell women to stop having sex would you? It takes two people to make a baby, but only one person has power over that new life. Again, I personally do not have a feasible solution. Men should not be able to tell women what to do with their bodies, but any reasonable person would say that this situation is skewed heavily towards women.

  3. Elsa Frozen September 23, 2016 at 7:12 AM #

    I agree that it is heavily skewed towards us, but that is because we have much more to invest into it (blood, sweat and tears, litterally). Alas, there is no viable solution to be thought up here. We lose our jobs or can’t work fulltime anymore because we have a child and try paying for daycare. It is so expensive that we would be working just to pay for it. We miss out on promitions and jobs because we left the workforce to look after our child, because well if we do not do it, who the hell will…daddy? No, daddy wants to bring home the bacon and retain a semblance of a life. He can keep his career and get promotion after promotion, while we stay at home and even lose the prospect of a normal job. Is that fair? Maybe daddy meets another sexy and childless woman and leaves you on your broke ass. So having a child means breaking your back as a woman and/or living on foodstamps for the rest of your miserable life. Let’s have female lawyers become waitresses, because they had to tend to their child and now no one wants to hire her anymore. Rest assured my brothers, so much more in life is heavily skewed towards men. And yes, I can imagine that 20% from my income is taken away from me without a good reason. For every dollar a man makes, I make 80 cents because I am a woman and I don’t have a penis. So we women feel your pain. Do you feel ours, my brothers? I would advise women not to have sex or children outside of a committed relationship and to never stop working not even if he begs you too, but to demand that the man also takes care of the child and works parttime, so she can keep earning her own bread and that she in the event that it does not work out always has something to fall back on and that the man helps his child out financially. Would that not be fairer to everyone?

    • AFM September 24, 2016 at 12:30 PM #

      Women making 20 cents to every dollar that a man makes is definitely an example of a system favoring men, however that is a completely different issue than the one that we are talking about right now. We can argue that later. This discussion is about how a woman holds complete control over whether a baby is born or not born regardless of whether the father is willing. And to your point about women missing work and promotions because of a child, that is her choice. She makes the decision to have child, she chooses whether to take time off to care for the child or neglect the child, and she decides how important her career is versus her child. If a woman picks the right sperm donor, then she does not have to work at all. There are entire television shows dedicated to this phenomenon. Almost none of the women in the “Real Housewives of Wherever” shows are actually wives. They are divorcees or baby mamas. None of them are career women who had to grind it out in their corporate jobs. These women’s exorbitant pay checks come from 20 minutes of, ahem, “hard work” with the right guy. And, while I respect their decision making (I’d definitely take 20 minutes of terrible sex that nets 10K a month over working for peanuts for 30 years), a system that allows anybody to make that much money based on who they slept with is flawed.

      • AFM October 5, 2016 at 5:46 PM #

        Also, thank you so much for commenting Elsa Frozen. It is always special to get feedback from an intelligent, well-informed, and opinionated reader. The added bonus is that you are also a lady. We appreciate you.

  4. Elsa Frozen October 17, 2016 at 3:12 AM #

    Thank you :) . Sorry for the late repIy. I just came back from my first vacation in America. What an interesting country and I met some really nice people.

    • AFM October 18, 2016 at 6:40 PM #

      Oh wow, I would have guessed that you are American. I’m glad that you enjoyed our fine country.

  5. Elsa Frozen October 24, 2016 at 4:17 AM #

    Nope, born and raised in the Netherlands with exotic roots :)

    • AFM October 24, 2016 at 4:46 PM #

      Well, I’m glad that you enjoyed yourself in our fine country. We hope you visit again.

  6. JACOB KLOEPFER April 9, 2019 at 3:24 PM #

    I don’t have an opinion regarding the legality of abortion. It is a multi-dimensional issue whose bounds are limitless, and on which perfect consensus seems humanly impossible. So many things to consider. What I don’t like about this article is the idea of a non-mother parent being involved in the decision to abort. No individual should be able to forcibly or legally compel another to have or abstain from an abortion. That has to be the choice of the impregnated individual. However, this being said, there is a reflectively unequal dynamic created in legal-abortion regions wherein the non-mother parent can be legally compelled to financially support a child they don’t want or can’t afford. Mother-parents, conversely, can never be forced to support a child they don’t want or can’t afford, as they have the option to terminate. For this country to be truly equal, non-mother parents will need to be given a circumventative legal route around parental obligations if and when abortion becomes the law of the land. Argument in favor of abortion calls attention to the plight of the unequipped teenage mother. We say we needn’t punish our girls with motherhood for having sex at young ages, so why need we punish our boys?

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