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How Not to Get Traffic Tickets

11 Dec

1. Do Not Be a Minority

Though minorities make up less than half of the population, they represent more than half of new traffic tickets. By the numbers, people of color get substantially more tickets than their Caucasian counterparts, so having a little less pigmentation is a successful plan for avoiding trouble with Johnny Law. Unfortunately, no one besides the late Michael Jackson had any control over their skin color, so if you are black or brown, then you are screwed.

2. Use Freeways As Much As Possible

The majority of tickets that are issued to civilians are not given to them on the freeways. The tickets that are given on the freeways are just the most visible ones. No, the vast majority of traffic tickets are given on the streets of metropolitan areas where officers can hide behind all the familiar landmarks of the city. Driving on the freeways hides you from the officers by keeping you in a pack of commuters unless you are driving obscenely fast or recklessly. So, stay on the interstates and obey speed laws.

3. Do Not Drive in Low Income Areas

The low income parts of the city are notoriously the high-crime areas. And, police are more present in areas where there is high-crime. Though no law enforcement agency will admit it, there are “routine” stops in those neighborhoods and the more chances you have to be stopped, the higher the chance that you will be ticketed.

This car is getting pulled over.

4. Do Not Have an Old Car

Policeman are trained to look for older model cars to stop. Apparently, people with old, beat-up cars are more likely to commit crimes like selling drugs or assault and battery. Or, it could be the fact that people with old cars are more likely to have more traffic infractions like expired registration or even warrants which means more money for the city.

5. Do Not Drive a Sports Car

Policemen are human beings, contrary to popular belief, and their eyes are drawn to the brightly colored sports cars just like average civilians. That, and people that drive sports cars usually drive fast.

6. Do Not Drive in the Fast Lane

Finally, do not speed in the fast lane. Policemen are sitting on the shoulder of highways, freeways, and streets with radar guns, waiting for people to get within range. Most of the tickets that people get are from moving violations that were given to people in the fast lane (over 70%).

7. Have Big Boobs

If all else fails, I hope that you are a cute girl with a huge rack. Believe it or not, they get fewer tickets.

not getting a ticket02This woman is never getting a ticket.

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