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The 5 Things You Are Guaranteed to Go Through When Your Girl Gets Pregnant

28 Feb

By MJ5

Becoming a father is the best experience a man will ever encounter in his life. You may remember the first time you made money legally or the first time you went to a strip club, but you will NEVER forget the day your first child was born.

As joyous an occasion as it will eventually TURN OUT to be, for some men it can have a very shaky start! For every 1 White guy out there who is planning to have a kid and taking all the necessary steps to ensure that his wife DOES get pregnant, there are 43 minority men out there who knocked up someone they KNOW they won’t ever be in a long term relationship with!


You have just gotten blessed with a baby mama for LIFE! So technically, she is about to be the longest relationship most men have had up to that point, whether you want her or not. But those first few weeks of getting your ”GIRL” knocked up are going to be some of the most stressful moments you have ever encountered in your entire life. Unfortunately, there is no book for men called “What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting” so I am going to tell you the top 5 things you are guaranteed to go through when you find out you’re about to be a dad!


1. Mistruths


One of the first ways most men find out there about to be a father is through the ‘period warning’. If you are consistently sexually active with a certain woman, you are more familiar when that time of the month is due than she is. A man’s responsibility is to know when his girl’s period is due, how long it lasts, what days are the bad ones to steer clear of, and what days you can and can’t have sex with her on (if that’s your thing).


You have become a PERIOD EXPERT!


Once you are sexually active with one woman long enough, you even know what things she does during the month that can have negative and positive effects on her during her cycle. I used to be really good at stopping my ex from eating chocolate one week before her cycle was due because it made her cramping worse.


Men don’t ever want to be considered PERIOD EXPERTS, but if you spend enough time banging the same girl there are just some things you have to pick up on. And the MAIN reason we become Period Experts is because we want to know the exact day she is starting to become late. And if you are a father right now, I bet you remember the time you knew your girl was late.


The mistruth is that she knew almost a week or two before you even thought to think that she was late. She knew her body was acting different! She knew she was sleeping more! She knew there was a problem WAY before you ever started counting days!! She didn’t mean to lead you in the wrong direction and let you hold out hope that she wasn’t pregnant. She needed this extra time of knowing before you did so she could start figuring out what she is going to do without your damn input. She needed a head start on your crap. Remember, this is one of the last times she gets to think about being pregnant without you knowing! This is valuable time to her and she will maximize it.


I know most men are thinking that their baby mamas may have just not known the warning signs and she wouldn’t withhold information from you. I challenge you to ask any father, and they will tell you that their baby mama has slipped up and said she knew almost right after conception. Women know their bodies and they will keep you at bay for as long as possible so they can get themselves together!!


2. Ambush

1. Noun

A surprise attack by people lying in wait in a concealed position.
2. Verb

Make a surprise attack on (someone) from a concealed position.

noun. ambuscade – wait – trap – snare


verb. waylay – ambuscade

Regardless of what ANY woman tells you, before she has the ‘talk’ with you she doesn’t THINK she is pregnant, she KNOWS!


The key here is to expect the ambush so that you don’t get ambushed and you know when you’re getting set up. Women are getting smart now and telling future baby daddies about their upcoming bundles of child support in public places. It’s a strategically sound plan because the man can’t cuss, can’t yell, and can’t do much but sit there in shock and silence. This gives her every opportunity to read your facial expressions so she can know her next move.


Men, these first moments after she tells you are the most crucial!!! You need to have the best poker face of your life, because any sign of disappointment or anger in your face will do you NO good! If you want the kid, then you need to smile and be supportive. If you know that you’re going to try and persuade her to get an A(bortion), now is the time to show the most disappointed face that you have ever had. Just know that once you decide to play the A game, you can NEVER go back! When she decides to keep it and you think the world of your child at their high school graduation, you will be regularly reminded of you not wanting the kid!!


3. Denial


This is the most normal thought process every man will have once they find out they’re about to have a kid with a woman that they don’t want. It’s perfectly normal to want the kid but not want it with HER!


Denial is a strong reaction and is the second longest stage of the five. You know the men who are in denial – they are on Maury saying they can’t be the father due to some nonsense like the kid is left-handed or has a big nose! Even though this is the most natural reaction, you have to overcome it.


One of the biggest instances of denial is making her take a home pregnancy test! Please don’t waste your money! Let’s face it, pregnancy tests are VERY expensive and you really don’t need the buy-one-get-two-free to tell you what she already knows! Another reason not to spend money on pregnancy tests is because your future baby mama has already taken 14 of them! She has already wasted HER money!! No need to waste your cash too! When a woman approaches a man to tell him that she MAY be pregnant, trust me, it’s because she already KNOWS and has taken multiple tests prior to your ‘talk’. Single women who are sexually active in 2012 already have purchased home pregnancy tests and most likely stockpile them in her bathroom!


4. Lies


I know you’re wondering what the difference between the earlier stage of mistruths and this one is going to be. The difference is simple – when she was telling you mistruths she didn’t have the knowledge. Now she knows something and is intentionally lying to you!


One of the biggest lies she is going to tell you is in the form of a question that makes your believe you might actually have an input! “What do you think we should do?” Future baby mama doesn’t care what YOU think at all, so when she asks you this question this is the beginning of the lies!


I have known many men who thought they had their woman convinced to go the A route and the woman knew FULL WELL what she was going to do! Some baby mamas are so horrible at lying that she took your money, set up the A appointment, and even went to the doctor’s office knowing she wasn’t going to go through with it.


Another lie you may hear just to see how you are going to react is “you won’t have to help me if you don’t want to”. Men, this is a LIE! As a betting man, I am taking the under on the women that have said this and actually followed through with it. There aren’t many women who are willing to raise a child without filing child support on the father! It’s not her mistake, and it’s not your mistake. It was a mutual accident and you’re going to have to pay for it as she makes the final decision. You have just let your future baby mama make a financial decision about your money whether you’re with her or not! Get ready, there will be a deduction of 20-25% of your take home pay in about 8.5 months after she tells you this lie!


If you are not committed to this woman, the next lie you may hear is her swearing that ‘Future Child Support Jr.’ is surely yours. Never trust this lie! If you’re not committed to her, there is nothing stopping her from not being committed to you! It could be her ex that she was never over. It could be her coworker that she told you keeps flirting with her but she cant stand him! Paternity testing is free in all states that enforce child support so I suggest taking full advantage of this once Junior is born. The best line I have used in this situation is “I trust you, but I don’t trust women!” It worked for me, it may work for you. What happens if she made one mistake that she didn’t think to tell you because they used a condom. The point here is that if you pay child support for 16 years and find out the child is not yours, you will NOT be reimbursed any money you have paid. Better be safe than sorry from the beginning!


“You can sign over your parental rights”. This is another bold face lie! Legally, most states assign fatherhood to a child unless the mother doesn’t reveal the information. Why would any woman go at being a parent alone when she can get paid and get relief from you? If she didn’t want you to be a part of Junior’s life, she wouldn’t have ever told you she was pregnant in the first place!! She would be in Canada raising a child you never knew you fathered! Don’t fall for it, it’s a test wrapped up in a lie!


5. Acceptance


Once you have gone through all these emotions and you have been lied to, its about high time you accept that you’re a new father. Most states don’t charge child support until the child is born so take 20% of your check for the months leading up to the birth to save or go to strip clubs! Do whatever the hell you want to do!! Just remember that these are the last few months that you get to spend this 20% how you choose before the state TAKES it! This will be the last time in a long time that you choose how to spend this portion of your check, so choose wisely!!


Accept that you are going to be a father and do the best you can! There is no point in pouting and fighting science (paternity tests are 99.999% accurate, you’re most likely NOT the .0001% – your luck isn’t that great).


If you’re having a boy, spend time with him and make him the best man you know how to be.  Play catch, take him out to sporting events, and do all that man stuff. He needs to learn how to stand up and pee and the mother can’t help him with that! You might as well teach your own son how to be a man.


If you’re having a girl, every man knows his sole two responsibilities – keep her off the pole (meat pole or metal) and try to raise her better than her mother was raised by her dad! Let’s face it, you do not want your daughter growing up to be like her mom in a lot of ways. You do not want your daughter growing up to do the things you did with her mom that you recorded on your phone. You want to raise a self-respecting, independent woman who doesn’t have sex till around 35!


5 Responses to “The 5 Things You Are Guaranteed to Go Through When Your Girl Gets Pregnant”

  1. Anonymous December 22, 2012 at 10:36 AM #

    a woman filing a restraining order is as close to getting any action from a woman as you are going to get.

  2. Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 2:34 AM #

    i aint even gonna lie, me and my baby mamma live in charleston, south carolina. i did her wrong the whole time we were together, but im sorry about it now. in fact, i tried to get back with her but she said hell no, after i ignored her during the whole pregnancy. now she is putting me on child support, and i don’t know how to get out of it. ima do for my baby girl, but how do i get out of being put on child support from the government and try to keep this private?

  3. Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 5:19 PM #

    One of Terrell Owens’ baby mamas has her fingers crossed that the recently-fired wide receiver lands a new NFL team STAT … all so she can keep getting paid. TMZ broke the story … T.O’s fourth baby mama — a woman named Melanie Paige Smith — filed papers earlier this month to BLOCK T.O.’s request to lower his massive child support payments. In the docs, Smith’s reasoning was largely based on the fact that T.O. had recently inked a deal with the Seattle Seahawks, for close to a $1,000,000 … and could afford to continue shelling out for his kid. But as of Sunday that’s no longer the case — Terrell revealed via Twitter that he was axed by the NFL team and is currently a free agent. Translation — no more paycheck. Now Smith’s attorney — Randall Kessler — tells TMZ … T.O.’s career snag won’t affect his client’s request to keep the dough coming — at least for now. Instead she has her “fingers crossed that another team picks him up.” Don’t hold your breath.

  4. Anonymous December 24, 2012 at 11:06 AM #

    What I will lay out is an added perspective that might help brothers realize the utter stupidity of putting themselves in situations that will keep their pockets empty, kill their ability to support a family down the road and possibly lead to incarceration. Getting caught under the neck of the merciless child support system is an absolutely horrible feeling. Children are a beautiful gift from God, and we can all appreciate a pretty woman, but if you let this stuff get the best of you, you’re begging for a life of misery.

  5. Anonymous December 27, 2012 at 11:43 PM #

    What say you? Would you fight the EX in court or pay the child support for an easy life?

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