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Top Ten Sex Mishaps

29 Mar

By William Bixby

1. You Leave As Soon As The Act Is Done - No one wants to feel used, and a quick exit is ample ammunition for those feelings to arise. The complaints of women who have been used for sex are well documented, however not only women are being exploited. Men are supposed to be emotionless sex fiends, but the truth is that men need intimacy too. Women sometimes use men for sex. So, do your best to show your lover that they are more than a good lay. Stay with them and talk for a little while after a hot sweaty session together. A good cuddle and a compliment can go a long way in any sexual relationship.

2. You Bring Work Into the Bedroom - There is nothing quite as off-putting as a someone who is always at work regardless of their location. Are you constantly on business related calls, using one of your three phones to talk while working on some “big” project. Work supersedes everything in your life and it is apparent. This personality type is characterized by a pile of work papers that has found a home on the nightstand. The bedroom is for only two activities, sleep and sex. So, drop the extra assignments and leave your work at the job. Your partner does not want to be constantly reminded of their hard work day and your stressful career.


3. You Wear The Uniform Daily - Every person appreciates when their lover makes an effort to look sexy for them. Both women and men can get caught up in wearing, sweatpants and a t-shirt, or the  “lounging uniform”, everyday. Change it up occasionally if you want to keep things hot between you. Ladies buy some lingerie or edible underwear and tell your guy that you are wearing them around lunchtime. By dinner, he may be willing to skip the meal altogether for a sexy time. Men, throw out your old ratty underwear and buy some silk or satin boxer shorts. Leave your woman spicy notes around the house and build her anticipation. By the end of the day, she may be ripping your clothes off instead of waiting for you to initiate sex.


4. You Are Insecure - You have stretch marks. You have a spare tire. Your breasts are too small. Your hips are too wide. Or maybe your junk is too small. You have spent a little too much time at the table and have grown man boobs. You are too tall. You are too short. Your nose is pointy. Look, everyone has shortcomings. Believe me, no one is flawless. So, figure out what are your strongest attributes and accentuate them. Ladies, if you are uncomfortable with your love handles, then throw on a bustier which accentuates your breasts. If you have small breasts, put on some stockings and show off your legs. Your guy thinks that you are hot. Guys, women are attracted to your confidence. So, believe in yourself and be yourself. Your lady will think that you are sexy.


5. You Never Make A Sound - Your partner needs feedback in the bedroom. You do not have to magically transform into a phone sex operator overnight, but an occasionally “ooh” or “aah” might make sex more enticing. If you like the position that you are in then tell your partner. A few grunts and moans works well for your significant other’s ego. Men if your woman gets a little too loud for your comfort, take it as a compliment. Even if she is faking, sometimes the excitement of being allowed to be vocal can lead to a real orgasm.

6. You Are Never the Boss - As a rule, if one sex partner is always giving all the orders in the bedroom, then the other person is either bored or boring. If you are always waiting for your lover to initiate sex and they do all the work, then it is time to make a change. Grab your partner by the waist and jump on them. This applies for both sexes. Your lover will be happy to give over control.


7. You Play Connect The Dots - Can your partner anticipate what move you are going to do next? Does he or she automatically switch into missionary right after spooning like he/she read your mind? Well, that is a problem. That means that you are completely predictable. Do not kiss her lips, her neck and her breast in sequence. You have to break all your patterns if you want to continue to please your lover. The entire body is an erogenous zone if the proper touch and anticipation is applied properly. Kiss the insides of her her elbows, her armpits, and the back of her knees. They are full of nerve endings. Caress the inside of her thigh before touching her vagina. It builds anticipation. Stroke her feet. If handled right, you can drive your lady crazy.


8. You Do Not Like Oral Sex - Wait, people like you still exist? I get it, genitals are gross and you are a borderline germophobe who uses hand sanitizer after shaking hands with other people. Well, it is no longer the 1950′s and believe me, your lover is dying of boredom in the bedroom. You should act as excited as possible about spending a few intimate moments with your lover, make sure that he or she bathes (maybe you could bathe them as a nice prelude to the festivities), and get yourself ready to travel below the “navel” line. Your partner will appreciate your efforts and may reciprocate. Remember, oral sex should be a staple in the bedroom. After all, everyone enjoys a little extra dessert.

The Last Two Are Just for the Guys

9. You Finish Too Quickly

Every man has or will have a situation where he finishes a little earlier than he expected or he finishes a little quicker than his partner wanted him to finish. At some point in his life, every man will be a “two-pump chump”. Because of the relevance of easily accessible porn and the media’s obsession with sex, people think that sex is supposed to last for hours. The average sexual encounter lasts between 4-20 minutes. So, a quick finish is not always abnormal. Your date may have really turned you on that night or maybe a few months had passed since you got some action. Whatever the reason, the way that you handle this situation will directly affect how your partner receives it, so proactive. Be charming and a little self-deprecating. Tell her that she was just too hot and that you got excited. But, the next time that you have sex, you have to have a game plan too. Try varying the positions and changing speeds. Some sex positions cause more friction which can in turn cause you to finish quickly. Positions where you support your own weight can cause you to flex your pubococcygeus muscles therefore causing you come early. Changing the speed and depth of your penetration can also help you to last longer. When you get excited stop thrusting and push in as deep as possible until the sensation passes. If you know that you are getting lucky, you can even pleasure yourself before the big event. All these methods allow men to delay finishing.

10. You Can Not Get It Up

Unfortunately, every man will face this challenge one day too (and it will be a sad, sad day). The good news is that you have other options at your disposal until your member decides to show up to the party. The day that you can not get it up is a perfect opportunity to show your oral skills or to use the natural dexterity of your fingers. Find the Grafenberg spot (G-spot for you commoners). If you do not make a big deal of it and please her in other ways, then it will not be a big deal.


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