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Girls You Will Date in Your Lifetime

15 Apr

By William Bixby

Before any man can settle down with the “Right” woman, he has to date a few of the wrong women first. They are all completely different and completely necessary to a man’s maturation. These women teach men lessons about both the fairer sex and about himself. They help him to grow into the man that can be a loving father and a doting husband in the future. These women are a necessary part of every man’s life.

The Innocent Girl - You met her in elementary school and you eventually ended up being high school sweethearts. She was the archetype of sweetness and innocence. You were always met with affection and adoration when you were around her. She baked cookies for you with her mom, and you were as much a part of her family as her own brother. In fact, you and her brother played ball together even when she was not around. Your parents and everyone near you thought that the two of you would get married, buy a house with the proverbial white picket fence, and have a few rosy cheeked kids. You were so in love.

Why you broke up: Either your high school sweetheart went to college and became a total slut, or you went off to college, and suddenly she seemed a bit more immature than the girls that were at your university. She called you crying about how you were neglecting her, so you did the only that you could do in that situation. You ignored her even more. Way to go Mr. Sensitive.

What she teaches you: This woman teaches you that love is not always enough for a relationship. You genuinely care about her, but as you have matured, you have also realized that love is not always sustainable.


The Earthy, Environmental Girl - She dresses a little bit different and is into hobbies that you have never considered trying. She likes to watch movies and listen to alternative music. She reads books about that are about socioeconomic politics and their affect on governmental policy. You did not know that those books existed before her. This young woman is cerebral and comfortable in her own skin. She shows you a few things that you never thought that you would like. But, she is also decidedly counter-culture and not into her physical appearance.

Why you broke up: You met a hotter, more high maintenance girl. Why? Because boobs, that’s why.

What she teaches you: She teaches you to keep an open mind. You learned that attraction can come in any form. The earthy woman appeals to your mind as much as she does physically. She also teaches you that you are a little shallow, and that physical attraction has some weight too.

The Girl You Hate - This woman is a real bitch. When the relationship is good it is absolutely unbelievable. The sex is mind-blowing. She knows exactly what to say to stroke your ego and how to make you feel like a man. Unfortunately, she usually completely ignores your ego and spends her time saying the exact thing that she knows will hurt your feelings or piss you off. This woman is both angry and miserable, and she will not rest until you are too. The entire relationship consists of emotional battles and make-up sex followed by bigger arguments. She is the most mentally unstable person that you know, but it takes you a year to figure that out.

Why you broke up: Seriously, she was a total bitch.

What she teaches you: Who not to date.


The Rock Chick - She is one tough chick and she likes good music. *She is emasculating and brutally honest, but she is also fun to be around and never goes overboard. Unfortunately, she gets tired of you and starts dating a guy with a blue mohawk.

Why you broke up: Spike, her new boy toy, could kick your ass.

What she teaches you: To grow a pair, because no woman wants to date a guy that she thinks she can beat up. Part of being a boyfriend or a husband is being a man that can lead when necessary. And, no woman will follow a man that they do not respect.


The Party Girl - You meet her out and go home for some good old-fashioned drunken sex. Sometimes, life is about the simple things. Sometimes she kisses her girlfriends when she has had a few drinks, sometimes they all grope you. Life is good. Your entire relationship is one club after another followed by an after party. Your days all mesh together into one big celebration of absolutely nothing. And, that is the point. She is fun.

Why you broke up: You had spent a few months together before you realized that your best times together are in a cloudy haze. And then, she started trying the hard drugs.

What she teaches you: She teaches you how to hold your liquor and what her girlfriend’s underwear looks like. And, she also shows you that even drinking, partying, and sex gets old after a while.


The Freaky Girl - You name it and she is willing to try it with you. She has a whip hanging over her headboard and a few toys hiding under her bed. She is into watersports, bondage, role playing, and any of the nastiest things at the tip of your imagination. She is completely open sexually and you happened to meet her at the right time. Her marriage was too constricting and her divorce was reason enough to start openly experimenting with her sexuality. Nothing is off the table with her.

Why you broke up: No sane person keeps a ball gag and a whip in their top drawer. This woman is crazy, and crazy women are by far the best in the bedroom. However, you realized that the S&M chick is usually not the one that you marry.

What she teaches you: What you like and dislike in the bedroom, and what a “hot carl” is.

The “I’m Like One Of The Guys” Girl - You probably met her in your first year of college and the two of you were just good friends. You hung out over the years and built a real friendship, and then one day, after a lot of drinks, you slept together. You can talk to her about anything including other girls. She cooks for you, occasionally does your laundry, and cleans up behind you. Strangely, she can carry the conversation by herself and cracks jokes (funny ones). If she were actually cute, you would marry her.

Why you broke up: You never were really in a real relationship with her. Things got weird after the sex, and you both vowed to just be friends.

What she teaches you: That women can actually be fun and funny outside the bedroom. You did not realize how much more there was to attraction than appearances.


The Daddy’s Girl - She expects you to pay for everything. It is the least that you can do to get her attention. She expects for you to pay her bills for her. She is your girl isn’t she? She does not have a job, but drives a fully loaded Benz. She lives in one of the family homes rent-free. No matter what you do for her, it is not close to enough because her father has supplied her with everything that she has ever wanted.

Why you broke up: In essence, she was married to her father.

What she teaches you: That there is little difference between a gold digger, a high maintenance woman, and an entitled princess. And, to avoid them all.


The Girl You Should Have Married – This woman embodies all the good traits of the women above, and does not have any the personality traits that are deal breakers for you. She may not be the most beautiful woman in the room, but she is gorgeous to you, and her personality makes her even more attractive. You laugh together, you share similar values, and you have similar goals. She comes from money, and her parents call you son. The two of you communicate well together and you trust each other. She is the perfect woman for you.

Why you broke up: The relationship staled. Nothing was necessarily wrong with her, but things became boring. Maybe you got cold feet. Maybe you slept with her best friend. Either way you knew that she was not the woman for you.

What she teaches you: Even when things seem perfect, they may not be right for you.


All of these women prepare you for the love of your life. To some, dating seems like an exercise in futility. They believe that there is no one out there for them, but that is not the truth. If you have not found the person who makes your days better and keeps you warm at night, then just keep looking. All your bad experiences are shaping you and readying you for the relationship that will change your life.

*First sexist statement of the year. YAY!

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