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The Cat Whisperer: How Good Are You in the Bedroom?

5 Apr

Unless you have literally helped every woman that you have ever met find their way to nightly religion (Oh God, Oh God, Oh God), then you may wonder how well you stack up between the sheets against the average Joe. Well, through stringent calculated searches and great sacrifice, has put together the definitive way of, ahem, finding how you measure up in the bedroom against the other guys. These pointers will help you to figure out how impressive you actually are in the sack.


1. Do You Listen to the Woman?

Here is your first hint that this article was written by someone who understands women. The first piece of advice for understanding women sexually is knowing how to listen to their emotions. In fact, your most important tool in pleasing a woman is understanding how she feels and what she wants. You will only understand a woman’s desires by shutting your mouth and paying close attention to her, so seriously, shut your mouth and listen to your lady. Most women need to connect emotionally with a man to enjoy themselves physically. If you are attentive and caring enough, you will find that most women will tell you exactly how to make them happy between the sheets. She will tell you if she likes light petting (everyone does) or a strong touch (everyone does). She will let you know if she is in the mood for gentle lovemaking, a passionate, romantic session, or rough, nasty sex. What a woman wants sexually changes from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. Listening is not as simple as laughing at the appropriate moments and nodding your head like a human bobble-head doll. Listening to a woman includes picking up her nonverbal cues as well as actively participating in the conversation that she has with you. And, the connection that the two of you make before you start having sex directly affects how good the sex actually is. Sex is not only physical, but also mental and emotional (especially for most women). If you do not listen to your woman, then you can not be a great lover.


2. Size Matters

Every guy wants to have a thirteen inch rooster in his pants, but only a few men actually measure up to those standards. And truthfully, though a few size queens who only want enormous penises do exist in the population, most women prefer to work with a penis that is a teensy bit smaller than a foot. The Grafenburg spot or the G-spot, a bundle of nerves that is easily stimulated, is located about three inches inside the vagina and the average penis is about six inches, so unless you have the tiniest penis in the world, you probably can give your date a little pleasure with your member. Women usually are more concerned with girth and motion than length anyway.


3. Approach

Your mental and emotional approach decide how well you are able to please your lover. Your mindset can not be selfish if you want to please a woman, because the best lovers get pleasure from pleasing their partners. Seeing your lady’s face and hearing her voice in the heat of passion should be enough for you. If you are good lover, then your partner should know that your goal in sex is for her to get off every time you have sex. Pick positions that she likes. Use toys. Make her fantasies come true by doing the things that she enjoys in the bedroom. But, there should be no pressure on her to finish. A lot of men are too goal-oriented when it comes to sex and that affects the quality of the experience for everyone involved. Guys are either too involved in their own pleasure or too focused on providing an orgasm to actually give their partner an orgasm. These mindsets prove to be counterproductive in the bedroom because they are based in egocentrism. Men who just want sexual release could not care less about their partner or their pleasure. Obviously, this leaves their partners unsatisfied most of the time. And, guys who are focused on giving an orgasm to their lovers for their own egos put pressure on themselves and their partners to perform. This leads to performance anxiety for both parties and no climaxes for one party. A good lover relaxes and focuses on making the experience great for his partner.


4. Foreplay

Every sexual encounter is different, but most couples have fairly predictable sex together. There is a little kissing, a little foreplay, and then the old in-and-out in most cases. If your idea of foreplay is a kiss here and a few licks there before dry-humping her until you finish, then you are either a ninth grader who should not be having sex for your own sake, or the most disappointing lover in the history of sex who should not be having sex for the sake of everyone else. Any decent partner should be aiming for a couple of orgasms for his lady every time in the preliminary rounds of sex. Up to 85% of women can not orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so foreplay is the main course for a lot of women. It should be treated as such. Good sex starts with good conversation, and then transitions into great kissing. That kissing builds into sensual touching that becomes more passionate as the night proceeds. And finally, comes attentive oral sex. A great lover listens to what his partner’s body tells him in addition to what she says. The way that a woman’s body moves relays what she wants from her partner. Her hips dictate how you should react. If she presses her hips forward, then she wants a little more pressure on her clitoris. If her hips are moving back, then the sensation may be too intense for her or painful. And, most women express themselves vocally too. If she says ”Faster,” then that probably indicates that she wants you to go faster. ”Harder” means to add a little pressure. And, if she says, Right there,” then keep doing exactly what you are doing. Being sensitive to both verbal and nonverbal cues and engaging in plenty of enthusiastic foreplay shows that you are a receptive and satisfying sex partner.



Any man that makes magic happen between the sheets knows that there is no exact code to giving a woman pleasure. Each woman is different, and as mentioned before, what a woman wants at any particular point in time can change depending on various situational circumstances or for no reason at all. So, there are only three rules that apply to most sexual situations and technique with women. Take your time with her. Explore her body. Build momentum and intensity.

If you are the type of man that rushes through sex every time you sleep with a woman, then you have probably never given a woman an orgasm in your life. Though a quickie hits the spot sometimes, most situations call for a little less hammering and a lot more stroking. Women generally take more time, effort, and attention to climax. You have to read your partner’s non-verbal cues in order to please her. Most women need passionate kissing to connect, but some women do not like to kiss. Take your time and find what she likes and dislikes with her partner. Physical contact is obviously necessary in sex, but most guys keep all intimate acts focused on genital to genital stimulation. The entirety of a woman’s body becomes an erogenous zone when she is stimulated, so use her tactile senses to incite her passion. Build sexual tension by caressing her slowly and intently. Move your hands and your mouth to titillate her. Often ignored body parts like the inside of elbows, the backs of knees, armpits, and the feet hide bundles of nerves. Stimulate them as you explore each other’s bodies. Most men rush to get to penetration here, but a good lover makes her wait. Connecting through touching builds the intensity of sex when it actually does occur.

Once it finally is time for some coed mattress dancing, a good lover has the same level of attentiveness with his partner despite the opportunity for more personal pleasure. A lot of men think that it is their turn to get off once their penis enters a vagina. They start pounding away at the woman until they finish. This is a mistake. Sex requires as much finesse as it does raw aggression. Moving your hips to stroke in several directions and keeping a good rhythm help to increase the chance that you stimulate her G-spot and creates more sensation altogether for both of you. Size does not matter as much as technique and enthusiasm. As long as you use the few inches that you have well, then most women will enjoy sex with you. And, if you do have the smallest penis in the world your fingers and tongue will help you immensely with the ladies. Change pace and positions unless she is close to orgasm. Use your body bring her pleasure. A man who knows how to move knows how to please women.


As a lover, you have to read the situation every time you enter the bedroom. Sometimes the hottest sex is a quickie before a night out, but most of the time the night demands a slow, sultry encounter. How good you are in bed depends on your ability to guess your partner’s needs and desires, how well you listen and communicate, how purposeful you are about foreplay, and how well you read her body.

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