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Long Distance Relationships

5 Jun

Long distance relationships are completely pointless. They are an exercise in futility. Couples who are seriously dating and are forced to uproot their lives and live in different cities long-term should officially part ways before they leave for their new destinations. The relationship will not work. Long distance relationships fail for a myriad of different reasons, but they fail most often because of indolence, infidelity, and growing indifference. The lack of intimacy, both physical and emotional, generally dooms any chance for love.

Laziness affects the best romantic relationships. People who live together sometimes lose their significant others because they do not work hard enough to keep them. People forget the reasons why their partner was attracted to them in the first place and stop doing those things. Keeping a courtship fresh, exciting, and fulfilling requires at least the same amount of work that was done to attract the person initially. The distance between two people in a long distance romance breeds laxity. In any relationship, people invest their time and emotions because they get some return on that investment. That return may be physical through sex. It could be an emotional connection. Or, sometimes the person is completely altruistic and the reward is simply witnessing the joy of their partner. But, when the partner is not present, those rewards that fuel the relationship go missing. People commit time, money, passion, and empathy towards their partners, but are unfulfilled after giving their all. And so, those people stop working at their romances because the payoff is not worth the investment. Relationships regularly fail because of the couples’ unwillingness to work to stay together.

And, laziness leads to neglect. Negligence in any partnership has desultory effects on both partners. When men and women feel emotionally and physically disconnected from their loved ones, they reach out to other people for intimacy. Cheating remains one of the largest causes of break-ups in long distance relationships because people need physical intimacy (not just sex, but touching) and emotional intimacy to connect with each other. People who are romantically involved grow accustomed to a certain level of touching and communication when they are together. Phone calls can not fill the void left from a loved one leaving the city. Couples begin to grow apart as the physical space becomes an emotional barrier. Then, one person from the relationship finds someone else with whom they connect in their city. They spend time together and nature takes its course. Couples can grow apart and cheat in relationships where both partners live together, but couples that are separated by large distances, especially over long periods of time, are especially susceptible to wandering. People search for intimacy that is tangible and accessible. The disassociation between lovers because of space often leads to misplaced love and acts of lust.

But, indolence and cheating are not the only pitfalls that break apart couples. The apathy and concurrent indifference that grows in a long distance relationship are the leading cause of failed long distance relationships. There is only so much pixelated, Facetime sex that a couple can participate in before they get bored with one another. The phone calls that happened daily in the first few months of the relationship start to happen every other day. Then, they happen once or twice a week. Before long, someone in the relationship realizes that they have nothing to talk about with the person that they love. They do not laugh together. They do not cry or argue with one another. They simply stop communicating, because they have stopped caring about their lover. Infidelity can be overcome in the instances where the cheater realizes their mistake and works towards changing, atoning, and reconnecting with their partner. But, indifference is insurmountable. And, long distance romances are difficult to maintain because they breed indifference.

Absence should make the heart grow fonder. In theory, leaving your significant other to pursue your dreams or career would cause them to miss you and appreciate all that you give to them and the relationship. However, in the real world, physical proximity brings you closer emotionally. So, do not waste your time on long distance relationships. They never end well.

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