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How To Cheat Better

2 Jul

cheater02This is how not to cheat.

Because so many of our readers asked about this subject, we the writers at have decided to oblige our fan base with this article about how to be a better philanderer. does not condone cheating or support the wrecking of happy homes, but the collective knowledge of our staff may help you to do so.

Ground Rules

In order for any secret womanizing to successfully occur, there are a few standard ground rules that must be set in place for the other woman. And, since they are all equally important, they will all be labeled number 1.


1. Never allow women to pop up at your place of residence. Your home and your personal space are two things that any woman in your life needs to respect. If a lady friend wants to visit you at your home, then she should place a phone call to you before she shows up. It allows you time to clean up your home, search and hide any signs of another woman, and it gives you time to freshen up and impress her. Women can be extremely observant of the things in your home, and some purposely leave belongings under your bed and in your car solely to mark you as taken. Unless you are aggressively looking for a replacement wife, then your house is a place that should off limits to unannounced visits.

1.  Never make yourself available to any one woman consistently. Creating an emotional relationship with the other woman almost insures that she will become unstable and unpredictable. She will ultimately become problematic and put undue stress on your first relationship if she thinks that she is your first priority. It should be clear to any woman on the side what your intentions are. Tell her that you only have a little time during the week to hang out, and that you have a full schedule on the weekends too. It forces her to accept your hectic schedule and make the time that you do spend together special, or find herself another beau. It also helps her not to place unrealistic expectations on you. She should know that you are the fun guy, not the love guy.

1.  Always keep an extra set of clothes in your car. There are several different occasions that may call for you to change your clothes before you get back to your real relationship, including but not limited to lipstick on your collar, the smell of sex or a different fragrance being stuck in your clothes, and your clothes appearing overly mussed.

1. Never date two women who live in close vicinity to each other. Yes, there are really hot women who live in your apartment complex. And yes, they look especially enticing in their yoga pants after working out at the complex weight room. But, if a woman lives near you, sooner or later she will knock on your door at the wrong time. It could be a friendly visit that reveals your affair to both women or it could be some crisis in her life that causes her to come over without calling, but she will eventually intrude on you and you other woman. Do not date women who live close.



Always buy the same gifts for the ladies that you are dating. Buying the same gifts for different women eliminates multiple problems that most cheaters face. One designated offering means that you do not have to remember which specific gift goes with woman. The presents should always be simple and uniform. This also ensures that you have the same receipts floating around in your belongings which lessens the chances that you are caught because of a paper trail. If you buy one lady a tennis bracelet, but a receipt shows up for diamond earrings she’ll inevitably wonder when you will give her the earrings or conspire to find out who received the other gift. Similarly, you should never give your email address to stores that you frequent to buy gifts. The company will send a thank you email, a confirmation email, or some other digital proof that you have been spending money on someone other than your main squeeze.


Phone Etiquette

The worst enemy of any cheater is the cell phone. It gives people access to you at any moment of the day or night. You can be tracked by it, background noise can give your location away, and it leaves a readily available trail of every conversation that you have had. That excludes text messages and tawdry picture mail photos. Texts and picture mail can be saved by the other woman and shown to the main woman. They can be posted on the internet for the world to see. That innocent pic that you let her snap of you and her at the airport dive bar could be the first clue in a series of mistakes that will be uncovered by your phone. If you are a cheater, try not to keep a cell phone. In the case that you have to have a cell phone, then two things are first priority for you. You must get another cell phone that never leaves your car and you must establish a pattern of being unavailable to the other woman or women. Use your car cell phone solely as a number for your affairs. That phone should be turned off and silenced at all times. Check it at the same times every day to establish a pattern of availability to talk, but do not get in the habit of meeting a woman at the same time every day. She may decide that your free time is her time. Have one of your closest friend take an embarrassing photo of himself and save his name as the owner of the phone. If your girlfriend finds a photograph of his manhood in the pictures, then she will probably leave the phone alone.



Always use affectionate nicknames for the women that you are dating instead of their real names. If you insist on calling your lady friends by their God-given names, then you will eventually accidentally call one of the women the wrong name. When dating more the one woman, terms of affection are completely necessary. Make up a name that you can use with women that is unique to you. They will relate the term to you if it is endearing and think that it also unique to them.

cheater - facebook

Social Media

Social media is the number two killer of relationships behind only cell phone usage. Changing your FaceBook status from “in a relationship” to “looking for friends” is the real world equivalent of murdering your spouse on live video feed. You can not hope to be successful as a cheater and keep a profile on FaceBook, LinkedIn, MySpace, or any other forum. Women can find you and all your information on the world wide web these days, contact your partner, and chat about how much of a douche bag you are.


Dating Etiquette

Never bring either of your phones onto your dates. Make a sound excuse for why you can not keep your phone handy in advance to your significant other and stick by that alibi regardless of the consequences. Inopportune phone calls and texts could be your downfall on a date. If the phone vibrates in your pocket, then your date can feel it even when the ringer is off.  That simple vibration could lead to a barrage of interrogatory questions and ultimately to you revealing the full extent of your wrongdoing.


You should not cheat on your spouse or girlfriend, but if you decide to step out on your significant other then understand that cheating has become more difficult in the last decade than it has ever been before. With the advances in technology and the plethora of ways that people are now connected, deception is more laborious and unfruitful than in years past. If you cheat, you will eventually get caught, however if you follow the preceding set of rules then you may navigate around some of the errors that trip most men.

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