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What Men Want from Women

22 Aug

This article was originally posted on February 2, 2012. Because of the positive feedback that we at have received about this article, we have decided to run it again. Enjoy.

Men are pretty simple. If you want to make a man happy, then give him the “3 F’s”. Chris Rock, one of the most insightful comedians in standup, said it in one of his standup routines. Feed him, fuck him, and shut the fuck up occasionally if you want to keep a man. Though they may seem oversimplified, these are the keys to any successful relationship with a guy. Every man only needs three behaviors from a woman to stay in a happy relationship. They are the three things that drive us, food, sex, and peace of mind. Ladies, be aware.

This woman is going to keep a happy man.

Step 1: Feed Him

Unless, your boyfriend had a mother who believed that men should know how to cook and clean for themselves, then you as a woman should learn to tend to your home. There was a time in the recent past when all women knew their way around a kitchen and cleaned the house regularly, but those times are fading away quickly. But, that has not changed the expectations of most of the men in this generation. All the people of the generation where women were in the home and men worked to earn a living and provide for their family now reside in nursing homes. Modern women are entrenched in the workforce and some are earning more than their spouses. Occasionally, there is an incredible woman who provides for her family and keeps her home spotless while cooking three square meals, but it not the norm. Learning how to put a meal together gives a woman an advantage over other women when choosing a mate. Does this mean that a woman should stifle her success to keep her man? Not necessarily. But, it does mean that women should be aware of some of the hidden expectations of the opposite sex.

Step 2: Fuck Him

If you are unwilling to do something freaky with your man, then some other chick will do it. It is the absolute truth. People are inevitably attracted to what they want in a sex partner. The woman that will do anything in the bedroom will eventually find her way to your man. And, if he is unhappy with you and your boring sex life then he may stray. That does not mean that women should engage in weird sex acts with their spouses regardless of how uncomfortable those acts make them. But, it does mean that people should aim to please their partners sexually. Unfulfilled sexual needs can lead to infidelity when the right circumstances align. And, the time that a man waits before actually cheating on his wife depends solely on what type of guy he is. Abstaining from extramarital sex is not easy in this age. With the easy access to dating sites, Facebook, and cell phones hooking up with another woman is much easier for a man than it has ever been. And, there are sites that are exclusive to men that want to cheat like too. Though no woman is at fault for a man breaking his promise of fidelity, keeping him satisfied sexually will keep his mind occupied with the right person, his wife.

Check yourself.

Step 3: Shut the F&ck Up

This could be the most important step of the three. A man can deal with bad cooking and a sparse, boring loveless sex life if he has peace at home. If you as a woman learn how not to argue about the little things and to refrain from talking incessantly about any and everything, then you will keep your man at home. To a man, every contrite issue is simply not worth worrying or arguing about, and therefore most things do not warrant conversation. He does not want to be bombarded with the trappings of your day at the moment that he hits the doorway. That does not mean that he does not love you, or that he is not interested in what is important to you. It means that he has own unique set of problems at his job and is he attempting to deescalate when he gets home. And similarly to the way that most things do not warrant a conversation to a man, most things are not worth a full-blown argument to him either. If you can discuss problems rationally with him, then any rational man will engage your points. What he does not want is you calling him and his mother four letter words when he forgets to buy milk on his way home. A man needs his woman to respect him and realize that when he upsets her it is almost never is intentional. The perceived slights that she holds against him are her emotional manifestations of a physical act that he performed. With men, there are seldom ulterior motives behind an action. In layman’s terms, most of the time a man did not do whatever it is that his woman is upset about just to piss her off.


The way to keep a man happy is fairly easy. Simply cook good food, regularly sex him up, and try not argue about everything. If you can do those three things, your man will stay with you forever.

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