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What She Is Really Saying

23 Aug

By William Bixby

In an attempt to help men understand the fairer sex and thus better relationships between the sexes, has put together a list of some of the most common phrases that women say to men and what they really mean.

Day to Day

It is your decision.

I have already told you what I want you to do.

Would you like some MY food?

Ummm, what you’re eating looks better than what I have. Give me your food.

Do I look fat in this dress?

If you ever want to see me out of this dress and near your meat and potatoes again, tell me I look beautiful.

Do you think that she’s cute?

She looks curvy and slutty, just like you like them.

Which one of my friend’s would you sleep with?

I want to fight.

I don’t want to mess up our friendship.

I am not attracted to you even though you are a nice guy. I generally like guys that actually have a pair.

I like you, but…

Have you heard of the friend zone? Well, you’re in it.

We need to talk.

I want to complain about something you did.

We need that.

I want that.

What’s that noise?

Wait, you’re almost sleep, aren’t you? Well, right now I want to talk to you about something that I could talk to you about at any other time.

Do you want to come up and have some coffee?

I think you are hot, and I may want to make out with you.

I need some space.

I don’t like you.

We are too different.

I don’t like you.

I don’t want a boyfriend right now.

I don’t like you.

Let’s take a little break.

I used to like you, but now I don’t like you anymore.

Oh, you are so cute.

You are completely non-threatening, and if I had a little sister, I would want her to be your friend. I personally do not like you.

You never listen.

What I am saying is more important than what you are saying. I’m right.

Don’t worry about it.

Worry about what I’m going to do to you after I say ‘Don’t worry about it.’

Give me five minutes.

Give me ten minutes. I have to put on my clothes, feed the dog, and put on makeup.

Give me ten minutes.

Give me thirty minutes. I’m going to change my outfit a few times and make a few phone calls.

Give me thirty minutes.

Grab a beer, kick off your shoes, and put your feet up. It’s going to be a while.

I want a sensitive guy.

I want a guy who listens to everything I say and doesn’t talk.

I like bad boys.

You are too sensitive.


Is your place near here?

You are getting lucky tonight, buddy!

I want to take it slow (before you have slept together)

I haven’t decided if I want to attend the no pants party with you yet.

I want to take it slow (after you have had sex)

You have no clue what foreplay is, do you?

This guy will never see her again.

Well, I have to get up early tomorrow. Good night.

I am never going to have sex with you.


Your penis is tiny.


Please finish. My show is coming on.

Right there, right there.

Right there, right there.

Thank you. That was great.

That was better than getting a pedicure…but barely.

(Blank stare, rhythmic full body convulsions, no words)

You are the vagina whisperer.

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