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Do Not Divorce Her!

19 Sep

This article was originally posted on May 20, 2011. Because of the great response that we have had about this article at we have decided to post it again for our readers. You are welcome.

Your wife has not been the same person since the two of you married six years ago. Before you were married, she cooked breakfast and dinner for you, cleaned the house so diligently that you could eat a meal on the toilet seat, washed and ironed your clothes, and had hours of spontaneous, vigorous sex with you. Before you got married, your life was a dream. You proposed to her because you could not imagine finding anyone that could satisfy you the way that she did mentally, emotionally, and physically. Now, after six years of marriage, you both buy and eat breakfast and dinner separately, you dry-clean all your clothes, your house looks like what is under the toilet seat, and occasionally she will will let you dry hump her for 5 minutes if you both do not fall asleep first. She nags you about miniscule things that you forget to do. She nags you when fail to meet her lofty standards of excellence. She even nags you when do things right. The situation looks dire. You are suddenly living your worst nightmare. You feel like you are wasting away the good years of your life with a woman that does not appreciate or understand you. You are drowning in this marriage. You just had a baby and neither of you are sleeping the entire night. You thought that having a child would bring you closer together; instead it just exacerbates the problems that you already had and this marriage is quickly becoming more than you can handle. Your wife barely resembles the fun-loving girl that you married long ago, and you have finally decided that a split might be the best thing for you, her, and the baby. But, you should not be hasty in planning your escape. Divorce is not nearly as simple as it seems. In theory, you would just file some notarized papers saying that you and your wife have irreconcilable differences, a judge would then authorize the split, and you and your wife would become your ex. Divorces rarely end that simply and there are many options to consider.

Money poses one of the biggest problems while still in a marriage and with ending one. To file for a divorce, you first have to retain a lawyer which will you cost you at least $1,000-$2,000. Then, you have to wait for the court to receive the papers, which will take a few weeks to process, and wait for your wife to be served the divorce papers, which could take a few more weeks. Next, you have to wait for your wife to retain a lawyer so that you can work out the details of the split. If everyone resolves their end of the divorce quickly and amicably, then, in total, the divorce can be settled in a few months. However, divorces almost never end quickly and positively. In general, a divorce propagates a fight over custody, property, and businesses which all equates to a fight over money. There is alimony, child support, and losing half of your acquired gross worth facing you after a divorce. The law favors women in all of these cases. If you moved your wife out of a trailer park into your mansion without signing a pre-nuptial agreement, then you are responsible for raising and maintaining her standard of living. Since, she has grown accustomed to living in posh surroundings, you have to keep her there with alimony. On top of that, if you have children together, then there are provisions made for that in child support, though it often ends up being a separate allowance for your ex-wife. Finally, you will lose the house that your family has lived in for the duration of your marriage. Financially, divorce has too steep a price to pay if your wife shows no mental instability and did not have an affair.

Emotionally, you are probably still attached to your wife despite the constant bickering that leads to divorce. In fact, people that argue with each other constantly, care deeply about one another or they would not take the time to engage their partner. Contrary to popular belief, the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. Only a large collection of fun experiences and good memories can convince two people to commit their lives to one another, thus the emotion that presently is pushing you apart can be re-directed into positive behaviors. The woman that you married is still buried within the woman that lives with you; you just have not seen the best parts of each other in a while. Focus on dating again and finding time to be intimate, both emotionally and sexually. Fully recovering from a break-up, on average, takes about half of the time spent in the relationship. That means splitting from a woman after 6 years would take 3 years to get over. That time could be better utilized tweaking and fixing the relationship. There is also a toll on the children. The parent that leaves the house, ultimately becomes the villain. Since woman are awarded custody in most cases, that means the man is often seen as the parent that abandoned his family.

Finding another woman that shares your desires and fits your lifestyle becomes increasingly difficult as you get older. In a marriage, your goals, likes and dislikes, and everyday living shift to accommodate your spouse and children. You are regularly exposed to different things by your wife and kids, so naturally you expand and contract your list of wants accordingly. With a divorce, those wants change again. You have to re-define who you are without the person with whom you were going to spend your life. Those trips that you secretly enjoyed taking her to go antiquing are no longer a priority. Your old buddies may become more prevalent in your life again, and the next woman that you date will have to adjust to that. In addition to that, you will have to accept that any woman that you date will not be the equivalent of your ex. She may fulfill you completely, but your new relationship may function in stark contrast to the way that your old marriage did. A divorce means a lot of uncomfortable adjustments.

Divorce is not as viable an option as people may consider it to be today. It costs an inordinate amount of money, people are not prepared for the full taxing of emotions that it brings, and the succeeding relationship will not provide the same type of fulfillment that the original did. If you decide to marry a woman, then you and your partner should also decide to work through your problems like adults. Divorce is the worst option and should almost never be considered.

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