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Are You His Sidepiece?

16 Jan

When Valentine’s Day approaches, some men are scurrying to buy flowers online for their partners while others are headed to the nearest jewelry store in search of a quick gift. Most men are planning and making reservations at expensive restaurants to quantify their love to the women in their lives. However, a few men are scheduling time for another reason. These men are fighting to keep their secret undercover. And ladies, you might very well be that secret. Relationships are difficult to maintain, and your fidelity does not insure the fealty of your partner. Monogamy is elusive in 2015. Here are a few hints that will let you know if you are his side chick.

side chick02

#1. You Never Celebrate Holidays on the Holiday

February 15th has slowly, but steadily become an unofficial day of appreciation for all the mistresses and “other women” in America. Its official title is National Sidepiece Day. The guys who take their girlfriend out on the 14th of February, make time for their mistress on the 13th or the 15th. And this rule does not apply solely to Valentine’s Day. Think about how often your man actually spends holidays with you. If you have missed four of the last five holidays with your man due to him working, him going out of town, him being worn out from his work week, or some other reason, then you are probably the other woman. Men make time for the woman that they love on special days. And remember ladies, President’s Day and Labor Day do not count towards this assessment. When was the last time that you spent quality minutes with your man on a core holiday? Thanksgiving, Christmas, July the 4th, etc. are your barometers. If your guy is always missing on those days, then he might be someone else’s guy too.

#2. He Will Not Take Pictures with You

Some men genuinely do not like taking pictures of themselves. There is nothing wrong with a man who can actually pass by a mirror without staring at his reflection. However, if your guy absolutely refuses to take pictures with you, is constantly hiding his face when you take pictures, and starts yelling for you to erase that selfie that you took with him in the background, then he might be covering up his relationship with you. If he does not want anyone to know that the two of you are together, then it could be because you are his little secret. A guy who cares will take a picture with you even if it makes him uncomfortable. A guy with a side chick avoids evidence of his cheating like the plague.

side chick

#3. He Will Not Let You Post Pictures of Him

Once again, there is nothing wrong with a guy having a little reticence about having his picture posted on the internet. Those photos last forever. However, when a man demands that you erase any picture of him from your Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media that you have, then he may be hiding something. Whether we like it or not, social media is here to stay. And, it serves as the new medium for public displays of affection (PDA). The average guy does not want the entire world to know his every move through a video diary taken by you, however the occasional post about a good date should not be shot down. A man that shuts down any PDA through social media is either a social pariah, a FBI agent, or another woman’s husband.

#4. You Never Go Out

Unless you are living like America’s family, the Kennedy’s or the Kardashian’s (whichever you prefer), you are probably not going to eat out at a restaurant for every meal as an adult. The ability to cook a good, home-cooked meal is reason enough for a man to stay with a woman in 2015 since a lot of women can not cook. But, any decent boyfriend takes his girl out for a night of fine dining on the town sooner or later. And, if you do not go out for dinner, you should be going out for a night of dancing or drinking or something. A couple in love spends some time together in the view of other adults. The guy who avoids a night on the town with you is avoiding being seen with you. You are either too fat, ugly, or whorish to be seen in public with your guy, or he has a wife that he is hiding from you. Be careful if you only visit cozy, dimly lit places on the outskirts of town too. He may be taking you out solely to appease you.

booty call

This is how he sees you if all the calls are after dark.

#5. He Never Calls Before 11 p.m.

If a guy only calls you between the hours of 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., then unfortunately, you have been cast into the men’s version of the friend zone. And, just like all your friend-zoned male buddies, there is nothing that you can do to escape your fate. You are a booty call. It does not matter how pretty you are, what a great personality you have, or how interesting of a life that you live. You are essentially a nice pair of boobs, a butt, and three serviceable holes to him. The only reason that this guy calls you is to get between your legs or to get your face between his legs. Accept it and move on.

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