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Why Do Women Cheat?

3 Dec

why she is cheating - feature

The average person believes that there are several different contributing factors that decide whether a woman will cheat on her significant other. However, there are only four simple reasons why a woman would cheat, for a sense of empowerment, because she has been hurt by others, because she has low self worth, or because she is bored with her relationship. Every other perceived reason is an extension of one of these rules.


Reason #1: She is a Maneater

This woman cheats because she has spent her lifetime following her career rather than cultivating her love life. She is in upper management in her company, is a disciplined leader, and an assertive business person. She is much more likely to approach a guy rather than wait for him to make a move and will sleep with him right away. This woman will sleep with as many guys as she wants to with no regrets. Cheating is not considered to be infidelity to her. In her mind, she has earned the right for a little fun and justifies her actions by pointing to the fact that men in her position have done this for centuries. She is the boss and does as she pleases regardless of who she hurts.

The maneater lives with no regrets. She is powerful and has no emotions attached to her sexual behavior. She thinks and acts “like a man.”


Reason #2: She is hurt

There are numerous reasons why women may cheat, but the most common reason is due to emotional or physical trauma earlier in their lives. Women that have been sexually or verbally abused are emotionally damaged long after the assaults have stopped happening. Being the victim of abuse can cause people, not just women, to behave more promiscuously and erratic. But, abuse is not the only reason that a hurt woman will cheat. Bad endings to good relationships cause desperate reactions in good women too. If her last boyfriend left her and married her best friend after saying for three years that he would never get married, and they now have two children together even though he said that he hated kids, then the woman that you are dating may become disenfranchised with relationships altogether. She will take that slight from an unfaithful boyfriend of the past and use it to make all the new men in her life as jaded with love as she has become.


Reason #3: She is insecure

This woman has low self worth. She can not believe that she is worthy of a healthy relationship with another human being, so she sabotages all of her relationships by committing an act that is seldom forgiven. Though she knows that a guy is a great match for her, she will sleep with another man despite his fidelity and her feelings for him. Her insecurities convince her that her boyfriend is cheating on her anyway.

This is common in women that lack positive male role models  during their childhood. These women find it difficult to trust men because most of the men to whom they have been exposed have failed them miserably. Their fathers may have left when they were children which caused their mother to openly tear down their image of their father. Without a man in the house or in close proximity of the child to model what a good man should do in a relationship as a father and lover, the mother assumes both roles and ultimately teaches her daughter to do the same.


Reason #4: She is bored

You have been in a relationship with her for a few years now and the fire left a year ago. Instead of a romantic date followed by passionate love making, she generally reads a book while you watch television. You both love each other, but there is no spontaneity or desire in the relationship. You can not remember the last time that you had sex, and when you have sex it terrible. A rule of romantic affairs is that if your lover is not sleeping with you, then they are sleeping with someone else.

That is right, you can pay the bills, have a great emotional connection, have both emotional and physical fidelity, and share your life with someone but still get screwed. And being screwed over by your lover screwing someone else is the worst kind of screwing possible.

Keeping Her Happy

29 Nov

keeping her happy

The key is finding the balance between these two things.

A woman needs come down to three simple things, intimacy, security, and communication. If a man provides these three things to the woman he loves, he will keep her forever. However, as with most things that involve ladies, achieving these things are a little more difficult than the realization of their necessity. Intimacy is both physical and emotional. Women need financial security, security from danger, and secure shelter. And communication is just a lot of work.

Issues with physical intimacy proves to be the easiest problems to correct. Any man with reasonable size and stamina can please a woman with a little intuition and knowledge. Look for her physical cues and read a manual like The Joy of Sex to improve the quality of physical intimacy. Though it is unfair, it is mostly your responsibility as a man to keep the party going. Emotional intimacy, though often attached to physical intimacy is a completely separate entity. Emotional intimacy is how willing you are to bear your feelings with the person you are closest to. It is only achieved through emotional vulnerability and it is a by-product of emotional maturity. Men are socialized to only feel happy or angry, so it is difficult to share other emotions like disappointment and despair without feeling effeminate. Men are taught to soldier on stoically until the situation gets better. Most of them have to work to truly be intimate with anyone about their feelings, but this type of emotional connection draws people closer together and is required for maturation. Emotional maturity is buying those tickets to the ballet, even though you would rather stab yourself in the kneecaps with dull spoons. Sacrificing your time and ignoring your wants exudes maturity and it pays infinitely when connecting with a lady, because in general, their aptitude for and involvement in physical intimacy is directly connected with the amount of emotional intimacy shown.

This is what women are thinking when they see one-ply toilet paper.

Security is equally important. Women, though not necessarily dependent on men for it, appreciate when a man provides it. Security from peril precludes all other needs. If women do not feel safe with you, then they will not date you. So, hit the gym, learn how to throw a punch, and learn to assess levels of danger surrounding you. She needs to know that you are competent and have her best interests at heart. When she does not worry about needless, extraneous plights, you build trust with her. This trust is the foundation of any relationship. Physical shelter, becomes more significant as your relationship progresses because future plans start come to fruition. As a man, you will need some form of shelter, preferably a home in a safe neighborhood. But a clean, woman-friendly apartment should serve your purposes. Buy some big, fluffy towels and hang them in the bathroom. Women like towels, just trust me on this one. Buy some two or three ply toilet tissue. Nothing is more unattractive than a man that chooses to give his woman a rug burn in her nether regions from cheap toilet paper. Relationships have been lost because of toilet paper. Financial soundness commonly provides for the two aforementioned manifestations of security, so find a job and keep it. No woman wants to go to work, pay bills, and come home to find you in exactly the same spot that she left you, playing your Playstation 3 or talking on the phone.

This is how a man feels about communication.

The most difficult  need of a woman for a man to supply is communication. A recent study by psychiatrist Scott Haltzman M.D. says that on average men use about 2,000 words daily in 3 different tones and that women use 7,000 words in 5 tones. Not only do women talk over 3 times as much as men, but they are also almost twice as expressive. There are 3 ways to approach this problem. You can nod your head and say “uh huh,” over and over again until she gives up. You can go on the offensive and overwhelm her with countless, pointless questions about her day and all her friends and whatever else you can throw at her. She will get tired of talking to you and try to leave, but don’t let her. Follow her around the house for another thirty minutes with more inquiries about her hair, nails and shoes. If that doesn’t work, ask her if she’s okay. She’ll say yes, and then ask her if she is sure that she’s okay. Repeat this until she passes out from the sheer fatigue of answering the same unnecessary question for long periods of time. The next day, you will not have to worry about her talking to you. She might be gone though. If you would like for her to continue dating you, you will have try a different approach. Feign interest in her stories about how she is unappreciated at work and how the slut in accounting is sleeping her way to the top. Yes, I know everybody is unappreciated at work, but smile and tell her how great she is at her job. When she begins to tell you how her day was, in the middle of the football game, with your favorite team and your favorite player playing, with 1 minute to go before the half, turn the volume down on the television and feign interest with occasional eye contact. She will welcome your efforts at communication and may take some interest in watching sports with you. When listening to her talk continuously about whatever, do not try to solve the problem. She is not talking to you for your all-knowing wisdom, she just wants you to listen. For an added bonus, you can mirror what you heard her saying. She’ll love that, it shows you were paying attention.

A woman’s needs are simple, but not simply attained. Women need intimacy, security, and communication. Men were often ill-equipped to meet those complex necessities until now. Men, you have the tools, so go make your woman happy.

How to Rob a Bank

28 Nov

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* in no way endorses anyone’s decision to break the law. But, the men behind the website do enjoy finding imaginative hypothetical ways to make a big score, and envisioning the idiot who tried this being caught by the law. is in no way responsible for your death by hundreds of S.W.A.T. team bullets, your living but being crippled by said bullets, or your being continuously butt-raped in prison by Nazi Skinheads and gangsters.

Step 1: Plan

Your ability to walk around in the free world with law-abiding citizens is completely contingent on your ability to make and execute the perfect plan, so this step should take a while. You need to plan for at least 6 months to complete a robbery that should take two minutes or less. There are numerous details that you have to know before you attempt to steal money from any financial institution. First, you need to know how long it takes the police to arrive at the bank and on what day the bank has the most money available. Then, you have to know how good the security is in the bank. What is the signal for their distress code? How many armed guards work there everyday? At what time is the vault open? Planning insures that you do not get caught because of a stupid mistake. How many people do you need to suppress the entire bank? Where are the security cameras? These are all questions that you need to know before considering robbing a bank. You should probably buy guns too. There are quite a few geniuses that are now in prison because they used their own personal guns to rob a bank. Your gun has a serial number. The bullets have serial numbers. And, the bullets and guns can be linked to each other and to you by forensic evidence. You have to be indiscriminately meticulous about every step of the robbery in order to rob a bank. Tedious and strict attention to detail is the only way that you may keep your freedom.


Step 2: Hire a Team

You need mercenaries on your squad in case you get into a firefight with the local authorities. Do not convince some of your buddies who fell on hard times to rob a bank with you. Your buddies are idiots which is part of the reason that they fell on hard times right now. Enlist some friends that are former military and pay them. They have tactical training in combat and can fire a weapon effectively in a tight situation. If you planned properly for the heist then there should be no need for violence, but let’s be honest you are not that good at planning if you are reading this article. That is why you are here. Go to a meeting of your local NRA group to find new recruits. There is bound to be an alarming number of gun-toting, country yokels, a few well-armed closet racists, and at least two or three former Marines. Hint: Ignore Jethro and Hitler Jr. Go with the Marines. You also need an accomplice in the bank. Someone who knows the inner workings of the bank would be invaluable in both the planning stage and the actual robbery. They could save you valuable seconds in your entrance and exit strategy, and lead you to all the loot. Plus, they know the layout of the building and little secrets about security. An ally in the bank is completely necessary. It keeps you from needing an ally on the inside of a cell.


Step 3: Practice

Go over every step of the robbery until one of your henchmen contemplates shooting you. If he takes a shot at you, kill him, replace him, and start practicing again. All of your team’s movements should be second nature when you walk into the bank. No one should have to think about what their job is once the team is in the lobby. Thinking too much means that you will move slowly. Moving slowly means that you will be moving next to or under a guy named Bubba soon.

He probably got caught.

Step 4: Cover Yourself

Get good disguises for you and your team. Criminals are caught after successful robberies, because they did not wear masks on their faces and were recognized on hidden cameras by the law. Cover all tattoos, birthmarks, and anything that makes you or your partners in crime distinguishable. Wear gloves, masks, hats, colored contacts, glasses, and a fat suit. This is the only appropriate time in the history of people for anyone to use Black face. If you are white, then put on Black face. If you are black, then apply White face. The fewer the amount of details that the bank staff and the customers can recognize about you, the better. Wear nondescript clown shoes. Have you watched C.S.I.? The government can track you down by fingerprints, the tread of your shoe, hair follicles, and any number of ways that you would never think of. Paranoia is your best ally in this case. Try to make yourself look as different as possible. Dress in drag if you deem it necessary. If any member of your team goes down, then each member of your team’s safety is compromised. And, they will give you up to get leniency from the court. There is no honor among thieves, because prison butt-rape is a real problem.


Step 5: Steal a Car

Do not commit a crime in your own car. Dozens of criminals find themselves behind bars because they used their vehicle or a loved one’s to commit a crime. This is a lesson from Being A Criminal 101, but it bears repeating. Do not be the guy that robs a bank in his own vehicle. You will go to jail….and possibly become someone’s bitch.

This means that you took too long.

Step 6: Get in and Out

Something will go wrong in the robbery no matter how many times you practice it, so it is your job to get in and out of the bank as quickly as possible. Two to five minutes are usually the longest amount of time that it takes for the local police force to respond to a crime in a bank. In ten minutes, the S.W.A.T team will arrive and then you are all going to die. Get the money, ditch the car, get rid of your disguises in a place without cameras, and split up. Five guys carrying large bags looks suspicious. One guy with a backpack does not. Suspicious people go to “Don’t drop the soap” prison.


Step 7: Lay Low

Do not spend the stolen money. In the old days, people were caught after bank robberies because they went out and bought a new Cadillac….with cash. Today’s bank robber does not get caught with big purchases. They get caught because of a steady stream of smaller purchases. Money that is held in a bank is categorized by serial numbers and stamped with special ink. The government tracks these dollars through circulation across the nation. If some of the stolen dollars keep showing up in a certain area, then a red flag goes off and the police watch surveillance footage until they find you. Spending stolen bank money with today’s technology will earn you a trip to the big house.


Step 8: Choose

Either launder the money, which will cost you a percentage of it (and it may not be an option unless you hang in the right circles), or leave the country. The only way to enjoy that money is to find a way to get rid of it or live in foreign lands. If you choose to run to another country, then check the extradition laws of your desired country and schedule a flight months in advance of the stick-up.

Happy robbing and good luck. The Aryan Nation, the Crips and Bloods, the Vatos, and their meat shanks are waiting on you.

What NOT to Do After a Breakup

27 Nov



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Breakups form some of the most difficult chapters of our lives as human beings. Separations can be messy and trying, however they can also be some of the most rewarding, complex decisions of your life. But, there are quite a few choices that can ruin a good split from a bad person. Be mindful of the next few rules that you should abide by after a big breakup.

1. Do Not Listen to the Radio

After a breakup, every song on the radio will remind you of of your ex. And, for each year of your relationship, you can add about 10 songs to the list of infernal music that torments you. At least Taylor Swift is not sitting alone with Britney Spears on that list anymore, but I digress. You will be able to remember exactly what each of you was wearing when a song comes on the radio and what you were doing at the time. That ballad that the two of you used to sing together in the car will make you burst into tears at the introduction. In fact, almost any song will start a good old fashioned pity party. The radio will play love songs back to back for at least two weeks following any breakup. It is one of life’s unwritten rules. Avoid the radio at all costs.

2. Do Not Have Rebound Sex

Sleeping with the first guy that you meet seems like a good idea after you split from a real jerk. You get to scratch an itch that you have had for a while, you get a little reassurance that you are still just as desirable as you were before the relationship, and you get to close the book on your last relationship. However, a night of meaningless sex seldom solves the problems that were there prior to that night. And, you will realize exactly how meaningless the sex was after the new guy flees the scene minutes after his orgasm, or once you wake up and realize that you wish that he had fled the scene. Rebound sex generally leads to one of three things, babies, sexually transmitted diseases, or awkward silences between two people who do not really like each other.

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3. Do NOT Sleep With The Ex

Make-up sex is amazing. The connection that you had before the breakup seems like it never left. This man knows how to touch you in a way that makes you feel womanly and special. Then, he makes the same type of insensitive remarks that helped you to realize that he was not right for you in the first place. You remember all the heartache, all the arguments, and all the pain in that moment. But, how can he be wrong for you if your body responds to his touch like that? Most people would tell you to follow your heart. Don’t listen to those people, they are idiots. Ignore your heart and trust your brain. The same self-absorbed jerk who forgets your birthday, hits on your best friend, and calls you fat may give you multiple orgasms, but that only lasts for 20 minutes or so. And then, you are stuck with the douche bag for the rest of the day. He is not worth your heartache.

4. Do Not Cyber-Stalk Your Ex

Do not keep up with your ex-boyfriend on social media. Do not stalk him on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit, or whatever the new craze is. Seeing pictures of him with some other girl will crush you.

5. Do Not Throw Away His Gifts

Why punish yourself for being dumped by throwing away EVERYTHING that he ever bought you? Do not take your anger towards him out on that awesome diamond bracelet or that fabulous Louis Vuitton bag that he bought you for Christmas. Memories fade, but good gifts can stay with you for a lifetime. Consider those gifts as your payment for the crappy job of being his partner and being bored to to death by talking about his job or watching terrible action movies every time you went to the movies.


6. Do NOT Damage Property

Throwing paint on his house or burning his clothes is never the answer unless the question is “How can I get a police record from a relationship?” Never damage another person’s property intentionally. The best case scenario in this case is that you simply have to pay to fix what you broke, vandalized, or sold. The worst case scenario is that you get a little jail time and have to explain this situation to your future employer and/or lover. No one wants the unstable chick around their work place or in their bedroom.

7. Do Not Beat Yourself Up

In a breakup, it is very easy to blame yourself for the unsuccessful relationship. You begin to remember all the good times that you had with your ex and question the motives behind the split. Whether you cheated on him or he stepped out on you, whether you left him or he departed first, there is still a valid reason that the relationship is over between you two. And, both of you played a part in the split whether it was active distancing from your ex or simple negligence. The responsibility of any breakup falls on both partners, but one partner usually cares about the relationship more than the other. If you are that person, then give yourself a break. Do not beat yourself up.