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10 Ways to Know If You Are Dating a Slut

13 May

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First, let me start by saying that calling women sluts is objectifying and demeaning to women. But be honest, there are a few ladies out there (And, I use the term “ladies” very loosely. See what I did there?) who have done everything that they could to earn the label “whore, skank, or slut.” I am talking about them, not all you free “loving”, independent women. Here are the top ten ways to know if your girlfriend is a slut.

dating a slut

This is the girl you sleep with, not date.

1. You Keep Running Into Guys She Knows

It is completely normal to occasionally run into one of your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends. And, once you reach a certain age, it is completely impossible not to have that awkward situation come up while you are dating someone. Your girlfriend sees some idiot and puts her head down. That clueless nimrod sees her and ambles over to say “hi.” Of course, he did not notice that you were standing right next to her, because he was so excited to see her. So, when he realizes that you are with her, the two of them fumble through introductions just long enough for you to realize that they have at some point had sex. She tells you that he is just a friend, but you know the truth. Well, if you have one of these moments with a new guy every two weeks, then your girlfriend might be the neighborhood slut.

 

2. She Smokes

Smoking is physical proof of an oral fixation. And, anyone who always wants things in her mouth is probably not too particular about who she bangs. I am sure that this is high praise for you. Conventional wisdom says that a woman who is willing to participate in an activity that will definitely kill her is probably okay with dating and screwing a guy that probably is not the best choice for her. In fact, a person that will kill herself slowly with poison is probably just not a good decision maker altogether. According to researchers, smokers are having 10% more sex than non-smokers. Smokers are risk-takers. How else could you explain your girlfriend sleeping with you?

 

3. She Is Always Drunk

People who are always drunk are usually attempting to escape their everyday lives through self-soothing. When men drink excessively, they usually go home alone. When women drink excessively, they almost never go home alone. Alcohol allows people to be more promiscuous and supplies an excuse for the sleaziness. Think about the times that you have sex with your girlfriend. Is it always after she leaves the club at 2 a.m and is obliterated? Is it when the two of you leave the bar after a countless number of drinks? Does the bartender at 4 separate clubs know her personally? Is it difficult to remember the last time that you ever had fully conscious, sober sex? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then your girlfriend might be the bar room skank.

 

4. She Has An Associate’s Degree in Art

People with Associate’s Degrees in Art have 32% more sex than people with college degrees and high school dropouts according to a study at the University of Chicago. Artists and poets have twice the number of sex partners as the general population. So, if she writes and recites poetry, she may have ”shook a few spears” in her day (yes, that is a Shakespearean sex reference).

 

5. She Hates God

Agnostics and atheists engage in 31% more sex than the religious population. For those people who consider themselves highly religious, there are usually a lot of stigmas and restraints that go along with their religion, specifically in Christian homes (and especially in Catholics ones*). There is a common patriarchal focus on abstaining from sex until marriage for religious men and women. However, people who do not believe in God put less stock in the moral consequence of casual sex. If your woman is atheist, she has probably praised the man pole for a long time.

 

6. She Is Always At Work

Is your girlfriend always at work? When you show up at her job, does someone always tell you that she just left? When you call her, does she always call you back after initially not answering the phone. Now, think hard. When is the last time that you had sex. Believe me, if she is not doing the no-pants dance with you, then she is doing somebody. All those late hours at the job are probably being used for giving a different type of “job” to random strangers.

 

7. She Will Not Say How Many People She Has Slept With

First of all, women normally ask these types of questions first, so the fact that you had to ask her is your first indicator that she might be slutty. But anyway, whenever you ask her about her past, she changes the subject. When she is cornered on the subject, she blows you instead of answering you (in case you missed that, she just solved her problem with sex). Even though you asked her how many people that she slept with first, she asks you what your number is and then gives you a number that is lower than that. This means that either your girlfriend has been in the backseat of so many cars that she has lost count or she knows that 167 sex partners is a lot for anybody.

 

8. There Are Signs of Sex With Other People

You have a burning sensation firing out of your manhood, and you have only slept with your girlfriend once in the last 8 months. You find used condoms around her house, but the size is different and it is a brand that you do not recognize. Your girlfriend leaves the house with panties and comes back without them. These are all signs that you are dating a trollop. Leave her.

 

9. She Is Always At the Gym, But Never Loses Weight

Guys, the gym is ripe with opportunity for women to have sex. It is an atmosphere where everyone has tight, revealing clothing and everyone is there to work up a sweat. You add the testosterone that people are bound to produce through exercise and the taut, muscular bodies that inhabit the gym and you have the perfect recipe for an affair. And, the trainers have an intense, personal relationship with the people that they train. Their job is to push your woman to do more than she thought she could. They are motivators; muscle bound, charismatic motivators who touch your woman regularly in all places that you dream about touching her. Plus, trainers know how to talk to women because their job dictates that they build solid relationships with them. So, if your girl is always at the gym but not losing weight, then her trainer is pushing her hard, but from behind with no clothes on their bodies.

daddy issues - choices

10. Daddy Issues

Daddy issues, or as I like to call them, single man’s gold, is a sure sign that your girlfriend has been blowing the neighborhood.  A woman’s relationship with her father, or her lack of a relationship with him, has a direct effect on her sexuality. Go to a strip club and see how many of the working mothers there have had good relationships with their dads. Women with daddy issues are bound to go one of four ways, asexual, bi-curious, slutty, or a combination of bi-curious and slutty. Asexuality happens when a woman is not attracted to women and does not know how to connect with the opposite sex because of the lack of positive male role models. It is also the least common effect of being fatherless. Bi-curiousity is just a natural outcome of being close with only women. If women are the only trust-worthy people that you know, but you are attracted to men then some there is bound to be some dallying on both sides of the fence. Sluthood is the most common outcome of women missing their father figure, and there are both straight and bisexual sluts. These women look for their dads in the bedrooms of strange men and women. And if your girlfriend is missing her dad, she may have searched a few bedsheets in her day.

 

*The prevalence of anal sex in Hispanic Catholic homes has increased significantly, presumably to allow teenagers to technically keep their virginity while having unmarried sex and to allow them to have sex without the threat of having children.

The Miseducation of College Kids

10 May

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Parents tell their kids daily to stay in school, get their education, and that once they have finished college they will have more options. College is thought by many people to be the means to a better life. Granted, people with college degrees, generally do earn more money over their lifetime than people without them.  However, the state of the economy directly affects everyone’s post college careers. Jobs that were previously thought to be recession-proof, are quickly being down-sized and eliminated altogether. The economical condition of our country is forcing people with good college educations into the unemployment line.

This forced me to think about how much I had actually gained from going to college. I definitely gained a large, student loan bill. But, I did not learn one education-related thing that has helped me in my career from the duration of my stay in college. I did learn time management, financial savvy, and that girls look really good in wet t-shirts, but that sums up my college education. And, it cost me $40,000. Granted, anthropology was interesting. Finding out about past civilizations and their contributions towards the development of current society was intriguing. I absolutely loved my psychology classes. Understanding the separate motivations of different people and applying theories as to why those people behave within and outside of social norms was interesting. But, no subject taught to me in a college classroom has helped me directly in life. I did not learn anything there that I did not already know.

Besides, supposedly giving you a greater base of knowledge, college is also supposed to help you find a career. Four years of college, theoretically, should guide you into the perfect job for your set of skills. Hypothetically, you hone your skills by studying the appropriate subjects which readies you for livelihood. This makes you a more well-rounded person which in turn makes you better for your future in your major. I know of exactly two people that actually used their college degree in the field that they planned to use it. One is a doctor and the other is a pharmacist. Conversely, I know two high school drop-outs, that regularly used and abused drugs, that are now successful entrepreneurs. Who made out better in these situations, the guys that studied relentlessly and racked up huge school bills, or the guys that slacked and got high? Yes, these are outliers of the common American. They were all on a pre-determined course with their careers. But, they are true stories of different roads to success. The rest of the American public is not necessarily in need of higher education. Only 29% of Americans even have a college degree. In 2009, 40% of students that enrolled in a college dropped out before getting a degree. That means students that will never see the theoretical pay-off of a college degree, incur huge amounts of debt without a feasible way of paying for it. A college education is overrated.

Overwhelmingly, who you know determines how well you do in life. If your parents are affluent then they can support you throughout your endeavors. Rich people have established networks of businessmen to call upon to get their children jobs. Extroverts engage in conversations with other businessmen and entrepreneurs, and build their own networks (if they are willing to work hard). If you are bright and develop a good idea into a burgeoning product, you can be a success. Your aptitude in life is not dependent on education, but is contingent on how fastidious you are in following your dreams. Steve Jobs did not go finish college. He owns the Apple corporation. Bill Gates did not go to college. He owns Microsoft, and at one point was the wealthiest man in the world. College is not necessary for professional advancement or personal accomplishments.

The intent of this article is not to dissuade the youth of America from getting a good educational foundation in school. Standardized learning does supply many people with tools that help them in their careers. However, you should not look to an education as the only way to a healthy career. At graduation in this economy, many former students are finding it difficult to find work. The graduates are becoming disillusioned by the fantasy that going to college earns you a good job. If your reason for attending college is anything other than wanting a degree to hang on your wall, then do not waste your time. College does not teach you anything. College will not assure you of any additional professional success. College is not the answer for the common person. Diligent attention to details, a good work ethic, and a strong belief in self is the only way to bring your dreams to fruition.

All The Different Types of Drunk Girls You Will Meet In Your Life

9 May

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Over the course of your life, you will meet many different people who will play different roles in your life. You will remember some of these people and some you will forget, but these particular women will stick in the edges of your memory for a lifetime. Drunk women are nothing if not noteworthy. Below are the eight different types of drunk girls that you will eventually meet.

lapdance

“The Stripper”

She is not an actual stripper, but after four drinks she will do her best public impersonation of one. This woman will find the closest lap, male or female, and grind on it until she falls on her face or until her dance partner is knocked out of their chair. Her shirt may come off when she is near a pole or she may get on her hands and knees and simulate orgasms, but no matter what happens she will put enough sexual energy in the air to make everyone uncomfortable and create an atmosphere where guys will feel comfortable screaming obscenities at women. For her, the only attention worth working for, is sexual attention. Alcohol is just the mental lubrication that she needs to get started.

“Your New Best Friend”

It always happens around the third drink. This girl takes that magical sip of some alcoholic beverage and feels the deep need to confide in you. She hangs on your arm for dear life, telling you about her last hemorrhoid flare up, the cute thing one of her cats did two weeks ago, and asking advice about the guy who completely ignores her because she talks about her cats and hemorrhoids. She divulges more information than you could ever digest after your second beer, and there is no escaping her. If you go to the restroom, she is at the door waiting for you to come out. When you try to pawn her off on some unsuspecting idiot, she finds her way back to your person like a herpes outbreak. You have a new friend for the night, and you can not shake her.

“The Happy Drunk”

Everything is hilarious to this girl. She will laugh at anything you say, she will buy the next round of drinks, and she is up for just about anything after a few cups of liquor. She is the life of the party. The happy drunk wants to bring everyone together to share in and embrace the moment with them. She is “SOOOOOOO” excited to see you. She is “SUUUPERRRRRRR” happy you made it to the bar. She can not stop smiling and needs to capture every moment with a quick selfie. Everyone loves this woman because she smallest things excite this woman, and she makes everything a little bit lighter and a lot more fun.

“The Pugilist”

Nobody should ever disrespect her in anyway. Nobody. And, no one should ever disrespect her friends either. After a drink or two, any perceived slight will make her loud and angry. This 5’3″, 90 pound blonde turns into Mike Tyson when she gets a few spirits in her and she will challenge any man or woman who is stupid enough to stare in her direction for too long. She is the woman that gets pulled out of nightclubs screaming obscenities and kicking her shoes at some clueless woman who was out drinking with her friends. She is the woman that throws drinks in the face of people. This woman will attack a 400 pound gorilla once a good buzz hits. Keep her away from the bar.

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“The Drama Queen”

After three drinks, she gets deep into her feelings and shares them with everyone who is at the party just like your “new best friend”, however the information that she shares will be decidedly more dramatic. A barrage of “I feel’s,” “I need’s,” “I can’t believe’s,” and “How could you’s,” are coming your way when she starts drinking. She gets hysterical about everything, especially the fact that you used the last of the toilet paper a week ago and did not put a new roll on the roller. The drama queen remembers every mistake that you have made in your lifetime, and reminds you of each one of those errors when she starts drinking. She will do anything to be the center of attention in a moment that is not about her.

“The Professional”

This woman has never seen a drink that she did not like. She drinks beers by the twelve pack, champagne by the bottle, liquor by the glass, and wine by the box. She is completely indiscriminate when it comes to getting a buzz. She knows every hangover cure that exists on the planet, from raw eggs at breakfast to bread and ibuprofen before bed. And, she handles herself perfectly regardless of the amount of alcohol she has consumed. After drinking enough whiskey to down a herd of elephants, this woman can cartwheel in a straight line while singing the alphabet backwards and flirting with the cop who pulled her over.

“The Mother”

Well, someone has to be responsible while everyone else is drinking. The mother never drinks enough to fully enjoy the night. She has to keep relatively sober in order to boss around her friends while they actually have fun drinking the night away. She fights off drunk guys who are trying to score a one night stand with her hot friends. She mediates fights between the girls. She coordinates all the routes home for her group of friends to make sure that no one who is behind the wheel is too drunk to get home safely. And, most of the time, she is the designated driver if the group only took one car. And, she holds the hair of the drunk friend who throws up every time she drinks.

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“The One Who Can Not Hold Their Liquor”

Every group of friends has at least one person in the group who can not hold their liquor. She is the reason that the “mother” drunk girl is necessary. Someone has to hold her hair while she throws up. All she has to do is smell liquor and she starts stumbling and talking louder. This woman will leave the club with her knees scratched up from her many trips to the floor, her clothes covered in dirt and vomit (both her own and a stranger who threw up too), and her breath smelling terrible from emptying the contents of her stomach onto the floor.

Movie Titles that Should Be Made into TV Series

1 May

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constantine - exorcism

Constantine

Sure, the movie Constantine has technically already been transformed into a real television series. However, none of the actors had the depth of character needed to make the series great, and the content was limited by being on regular television. Premium television series have better writers, bigger budgets, and more seasoned actors. And, a script that speaks to the fall of mankind at the hands of spiritual and physical destruction should be a little darker than the original series that ran. Premium channels rarely take the simple and fun angle when a more nuanced approach is available, and the subject matter of Constantine requires strong writing and acting in order for it to be taken seriously. A story line with demons, exorcisms, and the classic battle between good and evil should be more engaging and should be elevated above the comedic viewpoint that both the movie and the previous television series were written.

 

Dogma

Dogma weighs religion versus existentialism. It examines Christianity, it questions Catholicism, and ultimately the movie calls for introspection, tolerance, and love. Though this Kevin Smith movie also takes a comedic stance on serious supernatural subject matter, it is not as reliant on action sequences as Constantine. Where Constantine is about a literal battle between good and evil, Dogma represents a physical interpretation of the internal struggle between right and wrong. And, the movie has enough characters and potential story lines for each of the movie’s heroes to be developed. As a television series, Dogma could potentially explore human nature, man’s personal need for religion, and the benefits and contradictions of faith.

 unforgiven

Unforgiven

Westerns have drama written into them before the plot of the story is ever introduced to the viewers. It was a struggle just to live in the Wild West without the rampant gun violence, and even more difficult to exist with conflict. You had to be a cattle wrangler or a farmhand just to make a decent living in the plains, and any natural disaster could cause an entire family to starve. Unforgiven starts with the story of William Bonny farming his land as a single father. He has put down his gun, stopped drinking, and is raising his children on barren land without his deceased wife. Bonny is struggling to make ends meet when a stranger comes looking for him with an opportunity to collect a bounty as a hired gun. But, Bonny has put his old life as a dangerous gun behind him. He does not want to leave his children orphaned by getting killed in a gunfight, and he wants to teach them a different life from the one that he lived. But, he needs the money. Bonny recruits his partner

 

Gladiator

Gladiator utilizes some of the strongest thematic ideals in cinema. It is a story of honor and love. It is a story of ambition and betrayal. But most of all, it carries the theme of redemption. Gladiator by its own admission is the story of a general who became a slave and a slave who became more powerful than the emperor of Rome. And, Gladiator is perfect for a mini-series. Each pivotal moment of the original movie could be transformed into an episode. Maximus Decimus Meridius’s stint as the leader of the emperor’s army would take a prominent role in the first few episodes. The death of Emperor Marcus Aurelius at his son Commodus’s hands and the betrayal of Maximus ushers the story along. And then, the fall of the great general into slavery would be next in the series. But then, he begins his rise to notoriety and ultimately to the Colosseum. Gladiator is the perfect story for premium cable.

blindness

Blindness

This movie never reached its full potential, but that was not due to premise or poor acting. It showed the best of people and the worst of people. The movie was about how fragile conventional society is as a whole, and how constructs break down in crisis. It was about how people react under extreme stress. The premise is simple. Blindness becomes an epidemic across the world and no one knows why. It breaks out like a virus in concentrated areas, so the government quarantines people affected by it. And, at first, the people affected by the disease work together. But eventually, rules begin to break down.

 

The Road

The Road represents a post-nihilistic world where conventional society has fallen. Money is irrelevant, the strong take from the weak, and food, water, and shelter are the most valuable commodities in the world.Food is so sparse that people begin hunting other people. The young, the old, and the injured become prey. Think the Walking Dead with cannibals instead of zombies. A series created from the Road could last as long as the Walking Dead because the series is not only about the present danger of bloodthirsty antagonists. It is also about the breakdown of society under duress.

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Scarface

Brian DePalma made such an extensive and detailed film that the Scarface movie could be split into several different seasons on television. And, each section of the series would be as dynamic and engaging as the previous segment. The story could start with the initial descent into a life of crime that led Tony Montana to a Cuban prison. Then, the story progresses to his escape from Cuba and his struggle for relevance in America. Next, the focus shifts to Tony’s rise within the criminal ranks of the drug cartels. He makes all the right moves until he ends up on top of the drug world by himself. Scarface shows the ascension of the American bad guy, and ultimately his fall. It would be a great watch.