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What Women Should Not Wear

7 Jan

what not to wear

Ladies there is a enormous difference between dressing sexy and dressing sloppy or slutty. If you do not know whether your style of dress is sexy or slutty, then, honestly, you probably dress like a strumpet. And, since you do not want to be identified as the resident skank or look like a bridge troll, follow these tips closely to ensure that you are always properly dressed.

This is the only type of bad frontal cleavage, and her husband still looks happy.

1. Cleavage - Ladies, frontal cleavage is almost always good, and back cleavage is never acceptable. This is a rule not a suggestion. Sexy cleavage is like a good introduction. The message that you are trying to get across is clear, and if the person likes your intro, then he or she will respond promptly. Back cleavage is metaphorically closer to having food stuck in your teeth. No one will tell that you look like an idiot, and you will continue smiling in complete ignorance of your condition. You know your body better than anyone else, so, if you are not genetically predisposed to being skinny or do not run a few miles a week, then you should not have your back out. A Christmas tree back is not sexy or seasonal. It is completely inappropriate. If your back has rolls, keep it clothed.

2. Skirts - Short mini-skirts are beautiful with the right pair of legs. Short flowing dresses are stunning on the right woman. But, the cups of your butt cheeks hanging out of the bottom of your short skirt or dress is whorish. To all the taller ladies and those with larger hindquarters, you have to try on skirts before you buy them, and definitely check the length of your skirts before you go out. A skirt that fits your shorter or smaller framed friend perfectly, will expose your lady bits to the world. And, be sure to take a long look at the back of the skirt or dress in a mirror, because a skirt that appears to be the perfect length in the front, might give a peepshow to everyone behind you. And, to the shorter and smaller framed women, if your legs are toned from using your personal Stair Master or visiting the gym, and you have the heels that match those skirts and dresses perfectly, then wear them confidently. However, if you have spent the last three months laying on the couch scarfing down cheeseburgers, flaming-hot Doritos, and a half gallon of ice cream everyday, then leg-baring attire is not for you. Keep in mind, there is a distinct difference between demure and “de skank.”

Her toes are actually falling over the edge of her shoes. Suicide sandals are unforgivable.

3. Shoes - Please wear shoes that fit your feet. It may be embarrassing to order a size ten shoe in public, but you will be much more embarrassed when your shoes look like you have been baking bread in them. Your foot should not spill over onto the top of your shoe. If you can not feel your toes, then your shoes are too tight. If your toes are jumping over the edge of your shoes, you need a bigger size. Also, please apply lotion, Vaseline, baby oil, motor oil, or some lubricant to your feet if you plan on wearing sandals or open-toed shoes. You should not look like you played bare-footed in a bakery before you left your house. And if you have thick ankles, do not wear shoes with multiple straps. They look like a tree trunk growing through a fence.

4. Muffin top - If your jeans do not fit you, then buy more jeans. Muffin tops have to stop. The only rolls that people should see are the edible ones. Get rid of your extra “smedium” clothes through donation, thrift stores, or combustion, but do not wear them anymore. Your mother, sister, and boyfriend are all humiliated every time you show up in some stretched, unintentionally form-fitting outfit that squeezes and pushes out random parts of your body.

5. W - A form-fitting shirt with no brassiere is socially acceptable as long as your bust is not exceptionally large. When bra-less in public, you are walking dangerously close to the slut line, but as long as “Nipsey” does not make an appearance, the clothing should be well accepted. Tight pants with no underwear is always unacceptable, unless you are playing the appropriate sport with the corresponding uniform. The “w”, just like “Nipsey”, should never be visible. Camel toe is not hot. No one wants to see the imprint of your business through the front of your pants. Men are fairly appreciative when any part of the female form reveals itself, but even they are appalled by blatant camel toe. Women that broadcast their “meows” in broad daylight, look like prostitutes. Ladies, put on underwear and keep your vaginas covered. Please heed the warning in this rant. Failure to do so will assuredly cost you any meaningful romantic relationship that you have or want. And, even if it does not cost you a relationship, it will surely cost you your dignity.

Man’s Rights in Abortion

4 Dec


The views expressed in the following passage do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of All opinions stated below are the views of the author and in no way represent the views, concerns, or policies of

By William Bixby

I am not Pro-Life and I am also not Pro-Choice. And, though my stance on the subject is not defined in terms clearly enough to choose a side on this debate, I do have a singular belief that rings true on the issue. The act of abortion as it now stands is completely unfair to prospective fathers.

This article was not written in an attempt to convince people to stop having abortions nor was it written to encourage people to have unplanned children. There is no stand on a moral high ground that was meant to shame the people who decide abortion is the best option for them or to praise those that decide to keep the unborn child despite difficult personal situations. This is just an attempt to explain exactly what is wrong with abortion from the male point of view.

Let me start by exempting the one big outlier in abortion, rape. If a woman was the victim of sexual assault, then she should have the complete and sole right to decide if she wants to abort her assailant’s child. No person should be forced into sex with another regardless of gender, and no woman should be forced to carry their abuser’s child. Furthermore, no criminal should have any extension of power over their victim, and the emotional and physical stress that is caused by being raped and the physical toll of carrying a child should never be forced upon any woman.

However, in consensual, intimate relationships, whether the intimacy is purely physical or both sexual and emotional, men are undeservedly devoid of power when it comes to abortion. Once a couple has become pregnant, only the woman has the right to decide whether a child is going to be born or be aborted. The idea of “choice” with regards to abortion sounds so simple and appropriate. A woman, who has to carry the child for nine months, should decide whether she can handle the burden of bearing and caring for the child in her womb. But, the pro-choice enthusiasts ultimately disregard the needs and desires of the father of the unborn child without ever listening to him. The choice to have or abort a baby rests in the hands of one person when the decision to make the child was made by two people. This practice is unfair and deplorable. Two people made a decision to sleep together. Two people failed to properly use contraception to prevent pregnancy. And most essential to my point, two people collectively created a new life.

If two people were necessary to create a baby, it seems that both partners should have some input into the future of that child. However, women hold all the power once a child has been conceived. Women decide whether a man who wants to be a dad will lose that chance at fatherhood, and conversely they decide if a man who is not ready to have a child will become a father. The power to kill a fetus holds an abundance of authority over a man’s life. Becoming a dad is one of the most challenging and rewarding endeavors in a man’s life, and many men relish the opportunity to shoulder that responsibility. But the possibility of being someone’s father can be crushed by a woman who is not ready to become a mother. Any and every man can be denied his parental right by the simple selfish act of a woman choosing to go through with an abortion without his consent. And, the decision to have a child can be equally as devastating to a man. An hour of fun (If we are being honest, 10-20 minutes of fun) can lead to 18 years of child support payments for a guy, because in most states women are awarded primary custody until proven to be unfit parents. 20-40% of a man’s earnings can be garnished to pay for a child that he could not afford, was too immature to raise, or simply did not want for personal reasons (and this disregards the detrimental emotional effect that an absent father has on the child). Responsible fathers have all the same financial culpability and the added emotional accountability to this child that that they not ready to father. From the moment that the first pregnancy test reads positive, all the power in a relationship shifts to the lady. With the inherent charge of deciding the fate of the fetus, she also is suddenly in control of the life of her sex partner. And, that is unjust.

I do not have a solution that would make the issue of abortion less polarizing to the general public. Nor do I know how to make the decision of whether or not to have an abortion more equitable between the sexes. I do not know that any endowment of authority over abortion that is given to men would not make the process of aborting a baby any easier for women or any fairer for men. But, the lack of a solution to the inequalities of abortion does not mean that they should continue to be ignored. And, a discourse about the subject is a step in the right direction. Maybe the law could require the signatures of both of the prospective parents of the unborn baby for an abortion to be allowed. Or more conceivably, the judicial system could forage into different custody laws, because women who have to pay child support rather than receive it may be more apt to weigh their stances on abortion more diligently. Whatever the course of action though, men need more rights when the future of their child and the quality of the rest of their lives are lying in the hands of someone else.

Do Women Really Want Equality

14 Nov

workplace baby

The views expressed in the following article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of They are the expressed opinions of the author only.

I am pretty sure that this article will not be popular with the few feminists that regularly read, but this issue has plagued many different men in the workforce and in normal life, so it has to be addressed. Women regularly say that they want equal rights, but do they really want equal responsibilities and all the corresponding expectations that come with full equality? Absolutely not. Women do not want full impartiality in the workplace, because there are inherent obligations that come along with that pay. Most women want to have their cake and eat it too.

This is not to denigrate women. The fairer sex are fully capable of doing the same job that a man can do in the office. They are just as intelligent, just as capable of making sound decisions, and usually more organized than men. However, men still earn more in the office for a few logical reasons.

The first reason is that men are generally more career-driven than women. Men are more likely to work longer hours while ignoring their family life to get ahead of their professional competition. That does not mean that guys are better at their jobs. In fact, it is somewhat of an indictment of the terrible priorities of men, but it is true. According to Forbes, men generally work 8.14 hours per day as opposed to 7.75 hours daily for women. And yes, there are plenty of women who forgo a family to concentrate on their careers, but the majority of women take different factors into account when choosing a career. Women are more likely to trade higher wages for more affable benefits, particularly those women who have or want to have children. And when children are involved, there are specific occasions where women are afforded more benefits than their male counterparts. The most glaring occurrence of this type of inequality in the workplace is the paid leave of absence when a child is born. Women are given three to six months paid vacation for childbirth. Granted, this leave of absence is necessary on both a physical and a societal level. Physically, women need to heal from the corporeal stress that labor puts on the body. And emotionally, women need to bond with their children so that we have well-adjusted adults taking care of us twenty years from now. Being a mother is a special type of hard work that no man could do, but men have no equivalent to this type of allowance in the workplace. And, though the sacrifice that women make for society is immeasurable, that sacrifice affects companies bottom line. Women are less valuable to corporations because women are so valuable to humankind. And yes, some compensation should be made for them, however that compensation probably will not come from big businesses.

The second logical reason that men earn more is because men and women choose different fields of work. The higher paying salaries are similar across race and gender, though men do occupy significantly more white collar positions. However, the lower paying jobs show more disparity between the sexes. Statistics by the U.S. Census show that men are more likely to work blue collar jobs, and women are more likely to work clerical jobs. Well, there are more opportunities for high-paying blue collar jobs than there are for clerical jobs. And there are more chances for advancement in blue collar jobs than there are in clerical jobs. Women work in various industries, but the ones where female presence dominates have fewer opportunities for advancement.

Women are unfairly discriminated against in many ways in the office, but discrimination in pay has been grossly overstated. There are other factors that contribute to the disparity in pay between the sexes. Choice of occupation by itself accounts for one-fourth of the wage gap. Though women do get an unfair share of wages, there is no argument for full equality in pay.

Real Reasons the Zombie Apocalypse Could Happen

24 Sep



1. Zombification Exists in Animals

Several different simple organisms in the animal kingdom take over the natural processes of animals to insure that their genes are passed on to another generation. Leucochloridium paradoxum, a flatworm that infects snails, forces them to grow pulsating antennae that make them look like caterpillars and ultimately attracts birds which eat them. This flatworm then matures in the gut of the bird and lays eggs into its rectum that are passed in the animal’s feces. Snails then eat the droppings and repeat the cycle. Ants are infected by Cordyceps unilateralis, a fungus that spreads its spores by causing ants to climb high on top of plants and have its head explode. Jewel wasps inject cockroaches with a venom that immobilizes them. The wasp then lays eggs inside of the roach and the larvae eat the live roach from the inside out. There are numerous other cases of real animals whose brains are changed and controlled by another animal who feeds on them. But, one of the most potentially dangerous zombifications is caused by toxoplasmosa gondii. This single-celled organism can only mature in the intestines of a cat, so it infects rats and makes them insanely unafraid of its biggest predator. Ultimately, the rat scurries towards the cat, is eaten, the parasite reproduces in the cats bowels, and is excreted in cat feces. The scariest part of this tale is that one of four humans is already infected with this organism. Fortunately, our immune system fights off illness attributed to this organism. But, what happens when it mutates or is made stronger by bio-engineering? Zombies. That’s what happens.

2. The National Bio and Agro- Defense Lab

Our government is building a research center to combat bio- and agricultural warfare, in Manhattan, Kansas. The Department of Homeland Security states: The food and agriculture industry is a significant contributor to U.S. economic prosperity; therefore, the loss of a significant food market would have dire economic and potentially human health consequences. Translation: One of the most likely ways that some crazy, tyrant dictator would attack us is through our food. The facility will specialize in creating effective and inexpensive solutions to both weapons that taint or food and through other possible biological attacks (man made disease, chemical warfare, etc). The research facility’s biggest strength is also its largest weakness, its location. The National Bio and Agro- Defense is located near a major hub of the veterinary pharmaceutical industry and placed in close proximity to research of several other missions in bio-security. The resources to study biological and agricultural threats is present in Manhattan, Kansas, however the location of the plant is also in the heartland of our country, almost perfectly centered in the US. If a terrorist infiltrated the facility and released a biological weapon or if there was an accidental leak of a particularly virulent disease, it would spread into an epidemic quickly.

3. Zombification Exists…In Humans

Cows have introduced us to the first step in our zombification, and interestingly enough, their zombification happened as a result of being fed their own remains by us. Cows who are fed bovine remains go insane and attack anything that comes near them. When humans eat the meat of these cows, they develop Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. It is caused by proteins called prions. Prions cause normal proteins to fold abnormally and thus makes them unable to function properly. This disease causes confusion, hallucinations, and dementia.  It causes muscle stiffness, muscle twitching, seizures, lack of coordination, and speech impairment. Sound familiar?

4. Epidemics

Quite simply, we are due for another big epidemic. We had the bubonic plague, smallpox, leprosy, malaria, and AIDS. Most of these diseases are fairly contained or at least well medicated now. Leprosy and smallpox no longer exist. Analysts talk constantly about the overpopulation of Earth, and every time the Earth has began to reach its capacity, some new disease decimates the world population.