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How to Fall Out of Love

12 Dec

falling out of love

Falling in love is simple. There is no specific formula to make love flourish between two people; it just happens. But, falling out of love proves to be more problematic. When someone that you love tells you that the relationship that you cherish is now over, it hurts. They expect for you to be mature and move on, but that is so much easier said than it is done. The bond that is created between two people in love is difficult to break. When a relationship has ended too prematurely, this is how you cope and fall out of love.

1. Cry – You are going to cry if you really loved your partner, and you should know that it is okay to emote. There is a cathartic release of emotion when you allow yourself to mourn the loss of a good relationship. Grieving is the first step towards moving back to some semblance of normality in your daily life. When you lose a significant other due to a bad break-up, it is very similar to losing a loved one to death. The loss is often unexpected and you are seldom prepared for the emotional onslaught that it inevitably brings. Permit yourself the grieving process and just know that this sorrow is just part of a phase. The mourning phase normally lasts half of the time of the relationship, meaning if you dated for one year, then you can expect to miss that person for at least 6 months.

 

2. Get rid of everything – Purge your home of all remnants of your past relationship. Erase your ex’s number from your phone. Promptly return all of their clothes and belongings. If there is anything that remotely reminds you of them, put it in a box and give it to them.  Remember that sock puppet he/she got you from Cozumel that smells like the sea shore? Throw that away immediately. Remove or burn all the pictures that you have of your former boyfriend/girlfriend. There should be nothing within eyesight that could make you reminisce about all the good times together. Your focal point at this stage is erasing any memories that he ever existed.

 

3. Occupy yourself – Keep yourself busy. Shifting your attention towards your career is ideal for moving past an ex lover. The time that was spent with your ex can be better utilized in the workplace. Go into work early and get started on your big presentation a few days before you regularly do. That early start will pay dividends in the end product of your project and in your coworkers opinion of you. Stay late and help your coworkers with their projects. The extra activity in the office will be well-appreciated and may even garner a promotion. An idle mind will invariably wander to your ex, so keep busy.

4. Occupy yourself a little more (with someone else) – This does not mean move ahead and start your next big relationship. You are not ready for a relationship, but you are ready for a little attention from the opposite sex. Whatever liaison you have with the next partner will ultimately fail despite the person being personable and attractive. If the perfect mate was introduced to you during the healing process of a break-up, they would go unnoticed. But, the rebound person serves a few purposes well.

  • They stop you from calling your ex because your attention is diverted towards new endeavors.
  • A new playmate may help you to relieve some sexual frustration
  • The right person can show you that you are capable of enjoying the company of someone other than your ex

 

5. Embrace the old relationship – After you have worked hard to forget the person that you loved, you will come to a point where you really appreciate all that you had. This may be started by a distant memory of time spent with your ex, or it may be that you found some old trinket that you failed to return to them. Following the months you of pushing old memories out of your head, you are now overrun with them. If you have mourned losing your relationship properly, then the pain of the break-up should not be as searing as it was before. In which case, you should embrace the opportunity that you were given to love another person. There are few things more rewarding than sharing time and experiences with a person that you love. You begin to see your past relationship in a different light.

 

6. Step into full reality – Realize that you may never stop loving your ex. When you truly love someone, you may never stop holding some affection for them. That does not mean that you want to try the relationship again. It simply means that, when you truly create a bond with someone, it does not break. Think of this connection like the bond between old friends. When you have a chance encounter with someone that you really befriended in your past, you pick up the friendship where you left it. With friends, there are no awkward refractory periods. Similarly, if you were connected to this person for an extended amount of time romantically that tie may never sever.

 

7. Grow – Use the experiences from your relationship to grow as a person and as a partner to your next lover. Once you have been removed from the initial hurt of your break-up, you can see with clarity the mistakes that you made in the courtship. Use your experiences as tools of growth.

 

8. Date – Get back in the saddle and actively date. You have gone through all of the stressful parts of losing someone that you loved. Now go find and enjoy the person that will adore you for loving you.

How to Catch a Woman – Being A Ladies’ Man

5 Dec

ladies man

Valentine’s is gone, Spring Break is starting, and the weather is getting warmer.  And pretty soon, women are going to be in short skirts, sun dresses, and all the other revealing outfits that all men enjoy.  Don’t be left behind … here’s how to score a hottie before the summertime.

By William Bixby

 

Pursuing a woman seems like a difficult task to the average man. However, the task would not be nearly as daunting as the the average guy would think if he changed a few things. To attract a woman, you simply have to appeal to the things that make men and women different. To catch a woman, you have to understand women a little better. This can only be achieved by listening to women and to the men that attract women. We surveyed both men that do well with the ladies and the actual ladies to find out more.

Rule 1: Look Good

Though men are generally more visual than women, woman are usually more detail oriented, so both sexes are looking for different qualities. Whereas men look first at a woman’s face and figure, women are likely to see the more minute intricacies of a man’s appearance. The only physical trait that the average woman bases attractiveness on is facial symmetry, which is a innate, biological indicator of illness. The things that women focus on are symbols of how refined you are. She will see if you are clean shaven or not. She will notice exactly what you are wearing, down to your socks and shoes. All these actions and items indicate your social and financial status, which in turn dictates the kind of mate you will be with her. So, your first step is to bathe and shave. A clean, shaven face helps you to appear both polished and youthful. Buy a new outfit, preferably a classic look rather than a trendy one. And be sure that everything is neat and crisp, including but not limited to, trimming your hair, de-wrinkling your clothes, and filing your fingernails.

well-dressed02

You do not have to be a male model, just pick a good look.

 

Rule 2: Smell Good

People, in general, underestimate how much scent factors into dating. Specifically, men fail to utilize and recognize how scents repel or attract the opposite sex. Some men fail to bathe after work and before they meet their date. And surprisingly, only 18% of men wear cologne on a daily basis; that number may be inflated because of the perceived expectations of the surveyors and their own personal biases. To make a memorable impression, you have to titillate her sense of smell. You should have at least 3 fragrances from which to choose, 1 musky, 1 woody, and 1 nautical. If you choose the right one, she will reminisce about you and your smell long after you leave.

Straight from the survey: “I could still smell his cologne on my clothes, and it reminded me of how much I enjoyed kissing him, and of how great our date went.”

Rule 3: Location, Location, Location

If you want to catch an attractive woman, you need to find out where the attractive women congregate. As a rule, never ask a man for a cool place to hang out. 90% will have no clue, 5% will send you to a sports bar, and the remaining 5% will tell you about a club that consists of 100 other idiots ogling the 4 women that actually left the house for this hole. None of the 4 women are ever even remotely cute. Always ask a hot woman the name of the new, cool spot. If she does not know, she knows someone that knows. And hot women always think a place is great if it is full of hot women.

Rule 4: Be Confident

Now that you have found the place with all the women, it is time to meet a few of them. Hold your head up, straighten your back, stick your chest out, and gallivant across that room like own it. A man without confidence is not man at all. Smile and introduce yourself to the first lady that smiles invitingly back at you.

Rule 5: Be the Best You

You look good and smell nice, a lady has shown some interest, now your only job is not to mess it all up. Keep smiling and ask her questions about her life. Confidence is optimal, cockiness is offensive. Do not try to be anything other than the best representation of you that you can be. Authenticity is key. Pretending to be wealthy or feigning pretentiousness will insure that you do not meet anyone with character or depth. You do not have to be funny. You do not have to be the best looking guy in the room or the best dressed. Just show interest in the woman with which you are speaking, verbalize your thoughts intermittently, and  if she is the right woman, then she will appreciate your attentiveness. Most men attempt to entertain and forget to just listen when they are around a pretty lady.

Why Do Women Cheat?

3 Dec

why she is cheating - feature

The average person believes that there are several different contributing factors that decide whether a woman will cheat on her significant other. However, there are only four simple reasons why a woman would cheat, for a sense of empowerment, because she has been hurt by others, because she has low self worth, or because she is bored with her relationship. Every other perceived reason is an extension of one of these rules.

maneater02

Reason #1: She is a Maneater

This woman cheats because she has spent her lifetime following her career rather than cultivating her love life. She is in upper management in her company, is a disciplined leader, and an assertive business person. She is much more likely to approach a guy rather than wait for him to make a move and will sleep with him right away. This woman will sleep with as many guys as she wants to with no regrets. Cheating is not considered to be infidelity to her. In her mind, she has earned the right for a little fun and justifies her actions by pointing to the fact that men in her position have done this for centuries. She is the boss and does as she pleases regardless of who she hurts.

The maneater lives with no regrets. She is powerful and has no emotions attached to her sexual behavior. She thinks and acts “like a man.”

 

Reason #2: She is hurt

There are numerous reasons why women may cheat, but the most common reason is due to emotional or physical trauma earlier in their lives. Women that have been sexually or verbally abused are emotionally damaged long after the assaults have stopped happening. Being the victim of abuse can cause people, not just women, to behave more promiscuously and erratic. But, abuse is not the only reason that a hurt woman will cheat. Bad endings to good relationships cause desperate reactions in good women too. If her last boyfriend left her and married her best friend after saying for three years that he would never get married, and they now have two children together even though he said that he hated kids, then the woman that you are dating may become disenfranchised with relationships altogether. She will take that slight from an unfaithful boyfriend of the past and use it to make all the new men in her life as jaded with love as she has become.

insecure03

Reason #3: She is insecure

This woman has low self worth. She can not believe that she is worthy of a healthy relationship with another human being, so she sabotages all of her relationships by committing an act that is seldom forgiven. Though she knows that a guy is a great match for her, she will sleep with another man despite his fidelity and her feelings for him. Her insecurities convince her that her boyfriend is cheating on her anyway.

This is common in women that lack positive male role models  during their childhood. These women find it difficult to trust men because most of the men to whom they have been exposed have failed them miserably. Their fathers may have left when they were children which caused their mother to openly tear down their image of their father. Without a man in the house or in close proximity of the child to model what a good man should do in a relationship as a father and lover, the mother assumes both roles and ultimately teaches her daughter to do the same.

 

Reason #4: She is bored

You have been in a relationship with her for a few years now and the fire left a year ago. Instead of a romantic date followed by passionate love making, she generally reads a book while you watch television. You both love each other, but there is no spontaneity or desire in the relationship. You can not remember the last time that you had sex, and when you have sex it terrible. A rule of romantic affairs is that if your lover is not sleeping with you, then they are sleeping with someone else.

That is right, you can pay the bills, have a great emotional connection, have both emotional and physical fidelity, and share your life with someone but still get screwed. And being screwed over by your lover screwing someone else is the worst kind of screwing possible.

Keeping Her Happy

29 Nov

keeping her happy

The key is finding the balance between these two things.

A woman needs come down to three simple things, intimacy, security, and communication. If a man provides these three things to the woman he loves, he will keep her forever. However, as with most things that involve ladies, achieving these things are a little more difficult than the realization of their necessity. Intimacy is both physical and emotional. Women need financial security, security from danger, and secure shelter. And communication is just a lot of work.

Issues with physical intimacy proves to be the easiest problems to correct. Any man with reasonable size and stamina can please a woman with a little intuition and knowledge. Look for her physical cues and read a manual like The Joy of Sex to improve the quality of physical intimacy. Though it is unfair, it is mostly your responsibility as a man to keep the party going. Emotional intimacy, though often attached to physical intimacy is a completely separate entity. Emotional intimacy is how willing you are to bear your feelings with the person you are closest to. It is only achieved through emotional vulnerability and it is a by-product of emotional maturity. Men are socialized to only feel happy or angry, so it is difficult to share other emotions like disappointment and despair without feeling effeminate. Men are taught to soldier on stoically until the situation gets better. Most of them have to work to truly be intimate with anyone about their feelings, but this type of emotional connection draws people closer together and is required for maturation. Emotional maturity is buying those tickets to the ballet, even though you would rather stab yourself in the kneecaps with dull spoons. Sacrificing your time and ignoring your wants exudes maturity and it pays infinitely when connecting with a lady, because in general, their aptitude for and involvement in physical intimacy is directly connected with the amount of emotional intimacy shown.

This is what women are thinking when they see one-ply toilet paper.

Security is equally important. Women, though not necessarily dependent on men for it, appreciate when a man provides it. Security from peril precludes all other needs. If women do not feel safe with you, then they will not date you. So, hit the gym, learn how to throw a punch, and learn to assess levels of danger surrounding you. She needs to know that you are competent and have her best interests at heart. When she does not worry about needless, extraneous plights, you build trust with her. This trust is the foundation of any relationship. Physical shelter, becomes more significant as your relationship progresses because future plans start come to fruition. As a man, you will need some form of shelter, preferably a home in a safe neighborhood. But a clean, woman-friendly apartment should serve your purposes. Buy some big, fluffy towels and hang them in the bathroom. Women like towels, just trust me on this one. Buy some two or three ply toilet tissue. Nothing is more unattractive than a man that chooses to give his woman a rug burn in her nether regions from cheap toilet paper. Relationships have been lost because of toilet paper. Financial soundness commonly provides for the two aforementioned manifestations of security, so find a job and keep it. No woman wants to go to work, pay bills, and come home to find you in exactly the same spot that she left you, playing your Playstation 3 or talking on the phone.

This is how a man feels about communication.

The most difficult  need of a woman for a man to supply is communication. A recent study by psychiatrist Scott Haltzman M.D. says that on average men use about 2,000 words daily in 3 different tones and that women use 7,000 words in 5 tones. Not only do women talk over 3 times as much as men, but they are also almost twice as expressive. There are 3 ways to approach this problem. You can nod your head and say “uh huh,” over and over again until she gives up. You can go on the offensive and overwhelm her with countless, pointless questions about her day and all her friends and whatever else you can throw at her. She will get tired of talking to you and try to leave, but don’t let her. Follow her around the house for another thirty minutes with more inquiries about her hair, nails and shoes. If that doesn’t work, ask her if she’s okay. She’ll say yes, and then ask her if she is sure that she’s okay. Repeat this until she passes out from the sheer fatigue of answering the same unnecessary question for long periods of time. The next day, you will not have to worry about her talking to you. She might be gone though. If you would like for her to continue dating you, you will have try a different approach. Feign interest in her stories about how she is unappreciated at work and how the slut in accounting is sleeping her way to the top. Yes, I know everybody is unappreciated at work, but smile and tell her how great she is at her job. When she begins to tell you how her day was, in the middle of the football game, with your favorite team and your favorite player playing, with 1 minute to go before the half, turn the volume down on the television and feign interest with occasional eye contact. She will welcome your efforts at communication and may take some interest in watching sports with you. When listening to her talk continuously about whatever, do not try to solve the problem. She is not talking to you for your all-knowing wisdom, she just wants you to listen. For an added bonus, you can mirror what you heard her saying. She’ll love that, it shows you were paying attention.

A woman’s needs are simple, but not simply attained. Women need intimacy, security, and communication. Men were often ill-equipped to meet those complex necessities until now. Men, you have the tools, so go make your woman happy.