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Body Language: Read Her Cues

25 Jun

Attraction


The game of attraction is a difficult one to play, especially for men that are trying to find an attractive woman to date. When searching for a woman as a mate, men are socialized and somewhat hardwired by biology to overlook physical cues in an attempt to seduce as many women possible, theoretically bettering the chances of finding a mate, but ultimately resulting in a higher rate of failure and occasionally lowered self-esteem. Properly reading body language produces a better chance at finding and attracting a suitable mate.

At the first stages of attraction, when men and women are beginning to notice each other, men are usually a bit overzealous. Eagerly awaiting an opportunity to interact with an attractive woman causes men to ignore which women are giving obvious cues of intrigue and which are just being polite. For instance, a gentle smile by a pretty lady influences the average guy into approaching the woman to flirt. That smile may or may not have been have been flirtatious. Women give many cues that are very coercive visually, but can be completely innocuous and misinterpreted. The signs that relay a woman’s attraction to a man are maintained eye contact and a wide smile. They show her interest and are a small indication for the man to make an advance. Men often erroneously perceive any notice from a woman as a cue of her interest. Finding a match in a public area takes patience and keen observation. Eye contact followed by a tipped chin and an inviting smile are clear indicators; every other behavior could be misinformation.

Once a woman has shown interest, and an initial meeting has occurred, the next step in interpreting a woman’s body language comes in concert with actual conversation. A wide smile is no longer a culpable indicator of how closely engaged a lady is in your interactions. Things like a coy smile and a flip of the hair are often misconstrued as signs of attraction, when they could be a mere collection of thought or a sign of anxiety. However, people, specifically women in this case, give multiple signs of interest with both verbal and non-verbal communication. One fairly obvious sign of interest is if the woman laughs at everything the man says. Laughter and smiles are universal signs of happiness, so the man that gets boisterous laughter after each anecdote knows that his advances are at least amusing to the woman that he is pursuing. Compliments also serve as indicators that a woman is at least mildly intrigued with her pursuer. Some non-verbal cues include the positioning of a woman arms and legs. Arms folded portray defensiveness and reticence. Even if she is laughing, a woman with her arms folded is hesitant to believe anything from and disclose anything to the person with whom she is talking. A high leg cross at the knee signifies a defensive stance; and it often accompanies crossed arms. Women that lean backwards when talking to a perspective mate are physically, though often unconsciously, attempting to put space between her and her suitor. A receptive woman has languid, open body language. Her arms are open, in her lap, or visible on the table in front of her. She leans in to converse with someone that attracts her and eventually breaches the touch barrier, possibly putting her hand on his arm, shoulder, or knee.

Touching generally means that a woman has reached a certain level of comfort and attraction with a potential partner. The man should reciprocate the touch promptly and limit his touches to the same area of the woman that she touched on him. Eye contact and demure body language should continue. If it does, the man should continue interacting and entertaining. If the woman’s feet start tapping and she looks into the distance often during the conversation, then she has lost interest. A person’s feet start moving once they have decided to leave the conversation. If that happens, then he should make a swift, sincere exit.

Women’s intentions can be absolutely confounding to men in simple, everyday situations. Deciphering those desires in a specific context proves exponentially more taxing. But, a woman’s body language allows a more in-depth perception of that person’s real intentions and she is easier to understand if you have the tools.

What You Learn From Living with a Woman

6 Jun

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More About Yourself

If you ever want to know what is wrong with you, ask the woman with whom you share a residence. She will give you a quick synopsis of your personality, your bad habits, and few more tendencies that you may not know that you have. Women are generally more observant than men and more open about everything. They understand you on a level at which you could probably never understand them because of their attention to detail. Women have great insight into how you work and are willing to express to you what they have deduced about your behavior and character, so you should use that to your advantage. Her assessments of your qualities give you an unique opportunity to reach deeper self-actualization. Living with a woman can actually be a vehicle to learning about yourself. After all, it is all about you anyway, right?

 

How to Express Yourself

Cohabitation is about communication. In situations where only men preside in buildings like dorm rooms and prisons, talking is usually minimal. The same simple glance between two men could mean you should check out that hot brunette coming from the hallway in college, or you should protect your butt hole from the inmates in prison. Words are unnecessary with men. But for most women, a simple glance will not suffice as communication, therefore men must learn to express themselves if they want to survive domesticity. Women talk about everything and expect that their partner do the same. So, men have to adhere to their partners’ needs and accommodate them by sharing their feelings and more importantly by listening. Guys use up to 2,000 fewer words per day than women, so listening is a skill that will be well-received.

 

The Difference Between Ability to Clean and Standard of Clean

Anytime that a couple decides to live together there is usually a disparity in how well each partner needs the house to be cleaned in order to feel comfortable. Women generally are able to clean a house better than men because they are usually more detail oriented and because women are socialized by their parents to do more domestic chores in their childhood than men. So women’s ability to clean is often higher than a man’s ability. However, willingness to clean and standard of clean are two separate entities. And, gender roles affect expectations in most relationships. Though women generally clean at a higher level than men, the amount of filth at which they feel comfortable living in varies. And, if the woman in a relationship keeps the house more filthy than her partner would like it to be, then it could cause strife in their home.

 

Sexual Compatibility Is Not Just Good Sex

Most people think that sexual compatibility is solely about the sexual chemistry between two people, but couples who have good sex together can still suffer from problems in the bedroom. Sexual compatibility ranges from physical compatibility to emotional chemistry to frequency. And, the frequency of sex in a household can drive that household apart. If one partner demands sex daily to be content and the other partner only desires to be intimate bimonthly, then that couple will face some daunting challenges sexually. Failing to meet someone’s sexual minimum can lead to esteem issues, arguments, infidelity, and separation.

 

When to Concede

Relationships are about compromise. You will compromise, and your girlfriend will get her way if you want to stay in a relationship with her. This does not mean that you should be a pushover and allow her to control you, however it does mean that in order to stay in a relationship with the woman that loves you and lives with you, you will have to change quite a few behaviors that you have grown accustomed to having and let go of some possessions that you have grown to love. Your living space will be limited so that viking hat that reminds you of your swinging bachelor days will be thrown away with the poster of Pamela Anderson from Barbwire. That old couch from college will be replaced by some french furniture that you can not pronounce, and all your profane and hole-ridden t-shirts will be burned in the front yard along with your old black book. Relationships are about sacrifice, my friend. But, the biggest sacrifice that you will make will actually be for you. You will learn to sacrifice your pride for your peace of mind. In the arguments that will inevitably come when you decide to live with a woman, you will have to decide if you want to be right or if you want to be happy. The two do not always exist together. Do you want to win the argument or do you want a peaceful house?

 

Nothing Is Good Enough

This may seem like the ramblings of man stuck in a full blown pity party, but any married man will tell you that sometimes everything that you have done is not enough for a woman. Occasionally, your plans for the evening are not going to be extravagant enough for her, all the money that you spend on the night will not be enough to please her, and your apology for a terrible evening just will not cut it no matter how sincere it is. In those situations, you are going to have to look within, realize that you have done all that you could in the situation, and accept that it was not enough. Every woman has a day where they are disagreeable, inconsolable, or just plain bitchy. Recognize when she is having this day, try to comfort her, and attempt to understand the underlying reason for her attitude. If nothing works, then just wait for it to all blow over. Stable women move past these funks in a day or two.

Long Distance Relationships

5 Jun

long distance relationship

Long distance relationships are completely pointless. They are an exercise in futility. Couples who are seriously dating and are forced to uproot their lives and live in different cities long-term should officially part ways before they leave for their new destinations. The relationship will not work. Long distance relationships fail for a myriad of different reasons, but they fail most often because of indolence, infidelity, and growing indifference. The lack of intimacy, both physical and emotional, generally dooms any chance for love.

Laziness affects the best romantic relationships. People who live together sometimes lose their significant others because they do not work hard enough to keep them. People forget the reasons why their partner was attracted to them in the first place and stop doing those things. Keeping a courtship fresh, exciting, and fulfilling requires at least the same amount of work that was done to attract the person initially. The distance between two people in a long distance romance breeds laxity. In any relationship, people invest their time and emotions because they get some return on that investment. That return may be physical through sex. It could be an emotional connection. Or, sometimes the person is completely altruistic and the reward is simply witnessing the joy of their partner. But, when the partner is not present, those rewards that fuel the relationship go missing. People commit time, money, passion, and empathy towards their partners, but are unfulfilled after giving their all. And so, those people stop working at their romances because the payoff is not worth the investment. Relationships regularly fail because of the couples’ unwillingness to work to stay together.

And, laziness leads to neglect. Negligence in any partnership has desultory effects on both partners. When men and women feel emotionally and physically disconnected from their loved ones, they reach out to other people for intimacy. Cheating remains one of the largest causes of break-ups in long distance relationships because people need physical intimacy (not just sex, but touching) and emotional intimacy to connect with each other. People who are romantically involved grow accustomed to a certain level of touching and communication when they are together. Phone calls can not fill the void left from a loved one leaving the city. Couples begin to grow apart as the physical space becomes an emotional barrier. Then, one person from the relationship finds someone else with whom they connect in their city. They spend time together and nature takes its course. Couples can grow apart and cheat in relationships where both partners live together, but couples that are separated by large distances, especially over long periods of time, are especially susceptible to wandering. People search for intimacy that is tangible and accessible. The disassociation between lovers because of space often leads to misplaced love and acts of lust.

But, indolence and cheating are not the only pitfalls that break apart couples. The apathy and concurrent indifference that grows in a long distance relationship are the leading cause of failed long distance relationships. There is only so much pixelated, Facetime sex that a couple can participate in before they get bored with one another. The phone calls that happened daily in the first few months of the relationship start to happen every other day. Then, they happen once or twice a week. Before long, someone in the relationship realizes that they have nothing to talk about with the person that they love. They do not laugh together. They do not cry or argue with one another. They simply stop communicating, because they have stopped caring about their lover. Infidelity can be overcome in the instances where the cheater realizes their mistake and works towards changing, atoning, and reconnecting with their partner. But, indifference is insurmountable. And, long distance romances are difficult to maintain because they breed indifference.

Absence should make the heart grow fonder. In theory, leaving your significant other to pursue your dreams or career would cause them to miss you and appreciate all that you give to them and the relationship. However, in the real world, physical proximity brings you closer emotionally. So, do not waste your time on long distance relationships. They never end well.

Marriage Changes a Man

31 May

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Men are vicious creatures.  We are used to going into the land to plunder, pillage, ransack, lot, and destroy everything in our path.  We are hunters in every sense of the word.  We know this, accept this, and go about our lives perfecting it.  All of our Neanderthal behavior comes to a screeching halt the moment we get smitten by that one special lady.  Once cupid lands a Dim Mak our lives have to change.  Here are 5 things men lose once they get married.

 

 

Hobbies

This may come as a surprise, but women aren’t all that interested in baseball cards, comic books, or action figures.   Essentially whatever boyish hobbies a guy has going into the marriage he’s going to have to stop.  Sure he can collect any coin, comic, or card he wants, but it’s gonna either be stashed in the attic, garage, or basement.  Playing computer or video games for hours at a time is also going out the window.  Married women don’t dislike these things, but they just don’t like them very much.  My advice for any guy about to get married is to not even try to fight this one … the battle will be lost.  Besides, why would a guy want to spend countless hours in some 1080P fantasy land when they can make up their own fantasies with a real woman (one they love)?  Find a buddy who will forever be single and stash the action figures and such at his house.

When it comes to sports women are more flexible.  They understand how important they are for a guy, so they try to reduce the exposure, not completely wipe it out.  Watching college football all day Saturday ends wedding weekend guys.  The best solution is to find a way to get wifey interested in sports so she will want to watch them at the same time.  Let her throw parties for a game (not a big game) so she can decorate, invite over friends, and feel invested in what’s going on.  Pick which games cannot be missed and let her know in advance.  Planning and compromise are very important here, or else all hobbies will end up being lost forever.

 

4th meal

Those random week nights going out with the guys until 2 AM and then grabbing fast food are pretty much never going to happen again.  Sure married men can still get the occasional guy’s night out, but they’re much less frequent, and they end much, much sooner.  Furthermore, leaving the house at 10:30 or 11 PM to go to a bar isn’t going to happen again.  If you’re not out of the house by latest 9 PM it’s really not worth the argument to try and still meet up with the single guys.  Women seem to have a thing about their husbands leaving the house at midnight.  At any rate, what potentially positive outcome could come from a married guy being out that late in a bar without their wife?  In summary, marriage pretty much gives men a curfew.  A cool wife doesn’t publish an actual time her man should be home … it’s kinda just one of those unwritten understandings.

 

Their Figure

First of all, men don’t call their bodies a “figure” until they get married.  Once a dude gets married, said “figure” often starts to decline.  Think about it for a second …

Why do men usually work out?  Trust me, it’s not for cardiovascular health, the reduction in low density lipoprotein, or for prevention of type 2 diabetes.  Men work out to get great bodies which will attract women.  If a guy already has his woman, the impetus to exercise will decline.  I’m not saying that all men will stop working out completely, but running 5 miles six times a week is going to be a thing of the past.  Hitting the gym before work every morning will become more of the exception than the rule.  Another reason why men’s bodies decline after marriage is because food choices change.  While men don’t mind eating cereal or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner when there’s no food, women don’t get too excited about those options.  Either the couple is going to go somewhere to eat, or get takeout from some restaurant.  Eating out (bigger portion sizes) is going to be a lot more common, and so is eating dessert.  So if one combines more frequent real meals and less frequent exercise (without the requisite smart food choices in  moderation), the result is the gut seen on many a married man.

 

What this “man” now calls a hobby

 

Simplicity

It’s not very difficult to talk about women, sports, burgers, beer, and bodily waste.  Men have talked about these things for centuries, and we are very comfortable with how those discussions go.  Discussions about feelings (feeling hurt, disappointment), goals, and emotions (other than being pissed off) don’t really come naturally to a guy.  Well that has to change in marriage.  Men have to learn how to become in touch with how they’re feeling (the woman will ask repeatedly), and figure out how to talk about all this complicated stuff.  This is not very easy, but if we don’t learn how to do this wifey will become one of those feelings that we don’t quite understand.  Moreover, men are designed to see a problem and immediately look for the quickest and easiest solution.  That’s not always the best approach when dealing with a wife.  Sometimes they just want someone to hear them and empathize with their plight.  A perfect example of this concept comes from Rosie Perez’s character in the White Men Can’t Jump.  This is her response after her husband brings her a glass of water after she says that she’s thirsty:

-See, if I’m thirsty I don’t want a glass of water.

 

-I want you to sympathize.

 

-I want you to say, ”Gloria … I, too, know what it feels like to be thirsty. I, too, have had a dry mouth.”

 

-I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.

 

 

Money

Sorry to break it to ya buddy, but the moment those “I dos” are exchanged, being cavalier with money stops.  There’s no more buying the newest phone, stereo, car, computer, etc just because it’s new.  Buying a bigger TV just because it’s bigger and thinner isn’t going to fly either.  Now money is going to be spent on things we don’t care about, such as window curtains, patio furniture, bookshelves, and things I still don’t know what they are like duvets, accent chests, and buffets.  All of these things have to be purchased to “make the house look nice.”  Women generally like to travel more than men, so take solace in the fact that although hundreds of dollars were spent on something called a buffet, even more will be spent to make sure an awesome time is had on some island or European country.

 

***Bonus***

 

Bad habits

There is a reason women live longer than men … women are clean.  Married women help their men get rid of a slew of bad habits, including:

  • Not changing bed sheets in a timely manner
  • Forgetting (or neglecting) to throw away dish sponges, loofahs, and toothbrushes
  • Never replacing pillows

In addition to helping with bad habits, women help married guys by:

  • Making them go to the doctor
  • Forcing them to eat vegetables
  • Keeping them from impulsive behaviors (drinking and driving, getting in fights, engaging in stupid dares)
  • Providing them with children which inherently makes them settle down

So although a married guy is a shell of his former self, can be the ridicule of his single friends, and has a lot less testosterone than his former self, he actually becomes a better human being.  We wouldn’t keep doing it after all these years if it wasn’t a good idea.