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Why Won’t He Commit

19 Oct

reasons he will not commit

This article was originally submitted on February 27, 2011. Because of the response from our readers, we have resubmitted this article for our readers. Enjoy.

He always says all the right things to you. He is kind, patient, and responsible. More so, the two of you have fun together. You talk about any and everything to him. He is your lover and your best friend. This guy seems like he could be your soul mate, but he will not make a commitment to you. These are the top reasons why a man will not take your relationship to the next level, in no particular order.

1. He has emotional baggage - Guys have emotions too. Your boyfriend may have had a terrible experience in a relationship before the two of you met. Emotional scars from past dalliances can affect your present relationship. One of the first steps to finding resolution with a difficult break-up is him openly communicating his feelings about the split to someone that he trusts. Men seldom talk to anyone about their feelings, regardless of how painful those emotions may be.  Often, a man’s girlfriend is his only connection to emoting regularly.If you convince him to share his experiences, preferably have someone other than you converse with him. While you may be fully invested in this relationship, you may not be capable of hearing in vivid detail what connected him to another woman.

2. You have emotional baggage - You have had a string of bad relationships over the last year and your faith in men has dwindled steadily since then. There is an emotional wall that protects your feelings from the pain and mistrust that you have received from men, but it also guards against genuine affection from the right man. Men are also more intuitive than they are perceived to be. If you are keeping a part of yourself from him, then he will not commit. He will guard his heart as adamantly as you have been guarding yours. Communication is once again the answer. So, tell him that you are protective of your heart, find a friend that you trust with your darkest secrets, and open up about your difficulties with dating.

3. He is too immature - Before a man can commit, he has to grow up. An immature guy will never marry you because you are not his priority. His priority is his special car, new video games, old “bromances”, or himself. With an immature guy you represent a luxury, not a necessity. Leave the frat boy alone immediately. You can not force him to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.

4. He is not ready financially - Financial stability will make or break your relationship. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Well over 70% of divorces are caused by couples falling on hard financial times. The inability to pay bills on time or possibly being evicted from your home places a great deal of stress on couples. When your basic needs are going unmet, relationships tend struggle. If your man clearly tells you that he is not stable enough financially to support your relationship, either trust him and wait while he builds his credit and finds another job, get another job to help with bills, or find a new man altogether.

5. He wants to play the field - Whether he has had a minimum amount of partners and wants to get a little more experience, or he thinks that he is “too much man for one woman,” you should distance yourself from this guy. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is a byproduct of immaturity, and in either situation, you lose. If he honestly needs to date other women because he was not exposed to different women prior to meeting you, then you have to come to terms with the fact that someone that you hold dear, may find someone else. In parallel, you have to accept the fact that the same person that you care for immensely, did not fully appreciate  the scope of your relationship. If you are dating the egotistical, “weigh his options guy,” then you have misjudged the character of a man in which you have invested time and emotion. The best solution is abstraction.

6. You are crazy - A man will not commit to a woman that is completely, mentally unstable. If you are manic-depressive, bipolar, or schizophrenic and medicated, then you should keep taking your medicine. If you are not medicated and just utterly irrational, then you should consider therapy and possibly becoming medicated. Men do not enjoy arguing. Men do not enjoy crying. Men do not enjoy arguing and crying with their women. If you can not talk to your significant other without breaking into tears or a fit of rage, then seek help.

7. You are lame - You never go out anymore. You dress poorly now, too. The two of you seem like an old married couple, more like roommates than lovers. Instead dressing well and spending nights out on the town, you spend nights watching the newscast in your sweatpants. You ask, “What’s wrong?” constantly. Nothing is wrong, except that he is going to bang his head against a wall until it is a bloody pulp if you ask him that question again. Where is the fun girl that he met out clubbing with his friends? Where is the girl that rode with him to Atlantic City on a whim? If you find her, you may find an engagement ring too. Men are unintentionally expected to be the entertainment for their relationships. In most pairings, the guy has to bring the excitement and enthusiasm with him. Women that are equally engaging find husbands.

8. He is not the one - You met in college and he was awesome. The two of you like all the same things, you finish each others sentences, and the last two years have flown by quickly. Slowly, you start to feel a slight disinterest in working out the tawdry problems that arise in your relationship. In fact, you have become slightly disinterested in him. Similarly, he has checked out of the romance emotionally. On paper, everything matches perfectly, but in reality your bond has weakened significantly. Relationships all work in theory if people are willing to compromise. However, some people are not compatible despite having the same passions.

Things Women Should Know About Men

16 Oct

200326454-002

This article is written by an adult for adults. There is content that is expressed within this page that is not meant for minors. So, if you are not 18 years or older then move away from this page immediately. The opinions shared in this article do not necessarily express the viewpoint of AnswersFromMen.com. AnswersFromMen.com is in no way responsible for the views written here. They are the views of the author.

confused woman

1. The Three F’s

Who knew that Chris Rock had so much sage advice on relationships? If you want to keep a man, fuck him, feed him, and shut the fuck up. A man can deal with almost anything that a woman does if she can cook a good meal, make his toes curl in the bedroom, and let him win the occasional argument. Guys strive for peace in the home, and life is all about simple desires. The symbols of a good home life are good food, good sex, and good company. When the smaller things are taken care of by women, then men are happy.

2. What Is Good P*^sy

Both men and women have a well-formed idea of what good sex is, but the definition of good sex differs greatly between the sexes. Men are generally more motivated by what they see than women are. They respond to visual and tactile cues more often than the emotional ones that excite women. Because men are prompted into sexual activity with their eyes and the source of their attraction is their partner’s appearance, a large part of how sexy a woman feels personally is linked to how sexy she thinks she appears to her man. Therefore, a lot of women think that good sex is all about how their vagina looks and how wet it gets. These women are grossly misguided and misinformed. Unless your labia looks like Dumbo’s ears, your entire pelvis is covered in fur, or your vagina smells like a sewer, then no man cares about the appearance of your vagina. And, how wet your vagina gets is almost a non-factor too. Good foreplay almost always solves any problems with moisture in the vagina. And for the few exceptions when dryness is still a problem, pharmacies offer a vast assortment of oil-based and water-based hypo-allergenic lubricants to aid couples. Ultimately, there are only two ways to wow your man in the bedroom, by strengthening your kegel muscles and by using your hips in sex. Women often worry about how tight their vagina feels to their partner, and honestly the anxiety behind this is also more based in the insecurity of men. Regardless of the source of insecurity, the tightness of your vagina can be increased by regularly doing kegel exercises. And, kegels have clear benefits for both men and women. They help strengthen the pelvic floor which helps with incontinence and urinary stress, they help thicken the vaginal wall which increases natural lubrication in the vagina especially after menopause, and kegels also help increase blood flow and nerve supply to the pelvic area. Kegels improve sexual performance through improved sexual response and function. Consequently, these simple exercises make sex better for both men and women. The only other real contribution that women can make to having better sex is actively participating in sex. Some women think that just letting a man get between their legs is a big enough prize for a man. They are also sadly mistaken. Sex is not about lying still under an idiot until the neanderthal finally stops humping away at your pelvis. Sex is about two people or more if you are into that) enjoying each other intimately. And, a little movement of the hips and a lot of enthusiasm go a long way in the bedroom. If you want to impress your man, make sure that you grind with him during sex instead of laying there and making him work, and strengthen the muscles that make sex better for you and him prior to having sex. Achieving a higher quality of sex has very little to do with the appearance of your vagina and everything to do with your approach.

3. Women Make Life Better for Men, Not Simpler

As the prospective mate of a man, you need to understand one simple but profound idea. You are desired, but not needed by your future husband. Women make life better for men, but they also complicate it and men appreciate simplicity. You, as a woman, do all the little things that men love to have done. A good woman can give the right encouragement at a crucial time, cook the perfect meal that nourishes and is delicious, and makes numerous choices around the house that enhance the standard of living. A good woman improves the quality of life around her. But, men can survive without a good woman because the same woman also brings a separate set of problems too. Just living with another person can be difficult. Roommates bring a different view of the world that may or may not match your beliefs, a new way of resolving problems, and a distinct, personally cultivated opinion about everything. A woman brings all those behaviors and personality traits plus a indeterminable amount of emotional baggage and a real need for higher level communication. Men have to accommodate those needs to keep their significant others satisfied, so they have to work harder just to meet the status quo.

4. Sincere Apologies Really Do Work

With men, there is no need for an elaborate apology and a separate calculated plan for propagating forgiveness in an individual when they have committed an offense against a person who is close to them. A hearty handshake or hug, some eye contact, and a sincere “I’m sorry,” usually suffices.

5. Never Ask That Question

“That Question,” does not relate to any specific question, but it does refer to a particular type of question that all women ask. Women tend to ask men questions that they already know they answer to, or questions that will garner responses that they do not want to accept. “Does this dress make me look fat?” Yes, that dress does make you look fat. You knew that it would make you look like a house when you picked it up. You knew that it was too small when you squeezed into it. You knew how looked when you asked your partner about the dress because you spent fifteen minutes staring at the strained seams of the fabric in the mirror. “Do you think that my friend is hot?” If your guy says ‘No, she’s not my type,’ then you will either be insulted that he does not like your friend or think that he is lying because you know she is gorgeous. If he says yes, then you will be jealous of her and think that he is trying to sleep with her. There is no correct answer to any of these types of questions. Do not ask them.

6. Men Are Not Your Friends

Chris Rock said it. Your best friend is trying to bang you.

10 Ways to Know If He Is Cheating

3 Oct

cheating

Worst start to a marriage…ever.

Is your husband or boyfriend cheating on you? Before I give you the definitive list of ways to know if he’s cheating, allow me to clear up some misconceptions for a few celebrity spouses and wealthy housewives. If your husband is a professional actor, athlete, or successful business man that travels, he is probably not faithful.  I do not say this because I have cynicism about fidelity, but because I have realistic expectations of people. I wasn’t surprised that Tiger Woods had extra-marital relations or that Shaquille O’Neal had multiple affairs. They are two of the most recognizable figures in the world, so they have unlimited options for affairs. You should not be surprised that a multi-millionaire business man that is forced to travel without his family can be infidelitous. There is a direct correlation between your financial status and availability and your likelihood to have an affair. As your options grow so does the number of possibilities to cheat. But I digress…

If your man is a commoner like the rest of us, then here are a few tips to figure out if he is sneaking behind your back.

1. He changes his appearance suddenly – This sudden change indicates a larger, more impactful change in conscience. This is probably one of the 1st signs of infidelity. That new haircut that’s trendy and completely different from any hairstyle that he’s ever had, might have been suggested to him by another lady and not the barber. He normally dresses sloppily and in tatered clothes to work, but for the last week, he’s been in dry-cleaned suits? He has new shoes and a new wardrobe now. That car that you thought was a dusty brown is now bright red? He might be trying to impress some one new.

2. He’s distant and despondent – You used to communicate regularly about the casual happenings in your lives and the world around you. Now he never converses with you and is always in daydreaming. You try to get into his head and heart, but that leads to arguments. There is an emotional disconnect that occurred somehow. Your boyfriend may be emotionally intimate with someone else, which leads to physical intimacy and/or break-ups.

3. He’s always with his friends – Occasionally, this is true, but most of the time a guy is not with his friends. As a single man, I spent a lot of time with my buddies. But, a room full of single guys is loud and boisterous. If you call and can’t hear the television blaring and people yelling profanities with the occasional obscenity tossed in, then your significant other is not with the boys. He’s with someone whom you would not approve.

4. He’s working late – Different jobs necessitate various work hours and differing levels of availability. However, “I’m working late.” is a perfect alibi, because there is no feasible way to check the truth of the statement. As a spouse, you have some general idea of when your husband works and how long. If he has a big project that keeps him at work late for an extended period of time and he never brings any work home, he may be having an at-work romance.

5. You keep hearing rumors – Rumors are the proverbial two-edged sword. They could have been spread purposely to break you up by a jealous person. They could be entirely unfounded in truth and detrimental to your relationship. Or, they could be the result of a cheating lover.

6. You can never find him – He never answers his phone. Your call gets returned hours later when he’s on the way home. He does not return texts. He’s missing regularly for large blocks of time.

If you can never find your man, this may be what he’s doing.

7. You are accused of cheating - My dad used to say, “A liar thinks that everybody else lies too.” This is true for the cheater too. A person that has to consider every move that he makes to keep secrets, is carefully watching your moves too. He sees your actions through a filter of deceipt and will see every irregular behavior that you have as a sign of infidelity.

8. You are not having sex - Your lover used to kiss and hold you regularly, but now he seems disinterested. When you said that you noticed he wasn’t as frisky, he started again, but seemed disingenious. You went from a “twice a week” couple to not making love in nearly a month. If he’s not sleeping with you, then he has found another love interest. If you always have to initiate intimacy, then he is probably unfaithful.

9. He has a new “move” – If your love making instantly changes from pedestrian to explosive, or if he goes from a once a week guy to practically ripping off your clothes, then he might be cheating. He had to learn that new move somewhere, right? Here’s something depressing for the married folks out there. Technique with intimacy doesn’t usually change unprompted. So, if you didn’t teach him how to do that, his mistress probably did.

10. Use your intuition – Finally, use your intuition. If something is amiss or recently something is troubling you about your spouse, then you already have a clue that their is some deception. When you trust your intuition with these types of situations, you are rarely mistaken.

How to Go from Friends to Lovers

2 Oct

friends - jealous girls04

Going from friends to lovers is almost an impossible feat for any man. Once you have been labeled as a friend by a woman, you seldom ever leave the friend box. But, there are a few ways to persuade a woman to take another look at you. Careful planning and deliberate steps can eventually free you of the dreaded friend-zone.

Stop being available – Men tend to cater to a beautiful woman. They are there at her every whim to their detriment while satisfying her utmost desires. Guys will offer food under the guise of dates, pay rent, and come to the rescue whenever her car breaks down or any other common mishap occurs. This needs to stop. If a woman can have all the benefits of a great friend without having to consider you as a candidate for the position of boyfriend, then why would she see you in that light? You are not auditioning for the role of her man. You are the help. Being unavailable does two things: 1.) Your sudden absence forces her to realize how much she depends on you. 2.) Unavailability allows her the opportunity to recognize how much she enjoys your company even when you are not helping her. You want her to see you as a prospect for love rather than a crutch for security.

Date other people – Dating other women will show you the many shortcomings of the woman that you are fruitlessly pursuing. In general, when men are waiting for a woman to date them or sleep with them, they are doing so because they are infatuated with the women and not because they see the woman as she is. Infatuation blinds people to the flaws of the focus of their affections. And, the object of someone’s infatuation is seldom the right person for them. Purposefully dating several women can expose all of the personality traits and physical attributes that you like and dislike in women, and it may uncover some of the undesirable behaviors of the woman that you want. By observing the best of other women, you can better form the image of your ideal partner in your mind.

Tell her about the dates – Regale her with tales of your perfectly planned dates with other women. Tell her every juicy detail about your romantic evenings with other attractive ladies. Describe their outfits and their body shapes. Feel free to embellish because this is solely to foster jealousy. If she considered you her friend, then she has probably told you countless stories about her escapades with other guys. She may have even asked your advice on occasion. She has talked to you openly about her love interests because she is not at all interested in you. But, when she hears how capable you are of romancing a living, breathing woman, then she may begin to look at you differently.

Improve your grooming – She is accustomed to seeing you in all states of unshaven face and in that t-shirt with the holes. Now, she only needs to see you at your best. If you want to her to change her opinion of you, then when you go to meet her you should always have a fresh shave and a trimmed hairstyle. Women notice the details and you want to look well-groomed to impress her.

Buy a new wardrobe – Make an attempt at being fashion forward by taking a trip to Saks Fifth Avenue and asking the retailers about the season’s fashion trends. If you are on a budget, then use the newly gained knowledge at an outlet store and shop the clearance racks and sales aisles. You can upgrade your wardrobe on a budget and impress the woman that you are pursuing. Most women have some idea of what is in style or have a friend who knows the trends.

Bring a hot date – One of the most ridiculous behaviors of women is their jealousy over a guy when they see him with an attractive woman. The woman that wanted absolutely nothing to do with you will become rude and bitchy when she sees you with a hot date,  so use this knowledge to your advantage. Plan a date with a hot chick and tell her that you will be out with a friend on that night. Invite her to tag along for some free drinks. If you play your cards right, you could make both women insanely jealous and get closer to both of them.