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Things A Woman Should Never Say

8 Feb

what she is saying02

By William Bixby

If you want to keep the man that you are with, then these things should never slip out of your mouth. For all the bravado and machismo, men have the same emotions and insecurities that women do. And, a large part of a man’s identity lies in his sometimes false sense of reality. Ego is what separates the two genders. There is a reason that old, grossly overweight men still wear speedos. Your job, ladies, is to keep this ego in tact.

1. My ex is bigger than you - This should be obvious, but strangely according to a few sources, it is still actually said. Part of a man’s identity ties directly to his member. Every man wants to believe that his woman is pure and virginal, and does not want to even think about another man sleeping with his woman. Not only are you destroying his delusion of your purity, but you are also feeding a insecurity that he may have not had before.


 

When you talk about your ex, your boyfriend feels like the guy in the glasses.


2. My ex is better than you - Whether or not your ex-boyfriend is better than your current boyfriend, there is no reason to express it to him. Once again, your job as a girlfriend is to stroke the male ego and re-living great times with an ex-boyfriend does not help your present boyfriend in any way.

3. Basically anything about any of your ex-boyfriends - There is no conceivable reason to ever mention your ex-boyfriends. In your boyfriend’s head, he is the first and only man that has ever mattered to you. Immature? Yes, but also true.

4. Why don’t you make more money? - If he is struggling financially, then he knows it. There is no need to point out the obvious. He has probably been trying to figure out how to make more money for a while. Just be as supportive as possible or leave him for a guy with more money.

5. Do I look fat in this? - Yes, you look fat in that. You put on twenty pounds since the two of you started dating. You saw the scale. You looked at it in the mirror. You saw the newly placed love handles on your side. He loves you with or without the extra pounds, so don’t ask him a question for which there is no correct answer.

 

Yes, she looks better than you.


6. Do you think she’s cute? - Yes, he does think she is cute. She is also a few cup sizes bigger than you with a smaller waist. That blank look on his face is his attempt to keep you happy, so do not put him in a position to hurt your feelings.

7. Which one of my friends would you sleep with? - No one wins with this question. If he does not answer you, then you harass him about the question for the next week. If he does answer, then you become instantly jealous of one of your friends, despite the obvious fact that he is not dating her. Avoid this question at all costs or let the unwarranted envy begin.

8. Would you hold my purse? - Why do you want to emasculate your boyfriend? You knew your purse was big, clunky, and heavy when you packed it. You could have taken that small clutch, but you picked up Big Bertha, so deal with it.

loser friend

 

We went to college together, okay?


9. Why is he your friend? - Yes, he has the attention span and the sense of humor of a third grader, but he is your boyfriend’s friend. You don’t have to like him or hang around him, but you do have to accept him. Besides, why are all your friends slutty?

10. We need to talk - In the history of mankind, nothing positive has ever followed these words. The worst thing about saying, “We need to talk,” is that the bad news that succeeds the phrase, is never delivered promptly. There is always some waiting period, where the man has to try to figure out what the problem is. If you have something to say, just say it. Do not preface it with “We need to talk.” Or you could just follow it with, “Here’s a couple thousand dollars I’ve been saving. I’ve seen you working hard and I thought I’d help with the bills this time.” or “I don’t think we’re having enough sex. We should fix that.”

The “Never” List for Ladies Who Want to Get Married

6 Feb

male friends

Men are easily satisfied. In general the three F’s will suffice to keep a happy man, but there are a few behaviors that almost insure that a woman will be lonely for the rest of her life. Take the words below to heart if you want to avoid being the crazy cat lady that lives at the end of the block.

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1. Never be the girl that talks about themselves - Here is a little something that you might not know ladies, men are fairly self-involved. That is the reason that they wear leather pants and masturbate like caged spider monkeys. No self aware, heterosexual man would ever puts on leather pants even in the comfort of their own home, but it takes a special kind of egotistical jerk to wear them in public. All men want to talk about themselves, so let them talk. It does two things for you. It makes you seem nurturing and interested, and it makes him feel comfortable and confidant. Men are always looking for someone who will take care of them emotionally whether they know it or not. And a man believes that you care about whatever interests him then he will be more interested in you. Plus, a man that feels confidant is more attractive isn’t he ladies?

2. Never be the blowbang girl - Do you remember the girl that blew four guys from the football team in her dorm room after the big game and 10 shots? Yes, you remember her and so does everybody else at the college except for the four guys with whom she had mouth sex. Any sexual faux pas that becomes public knowledge will follow you for the rest of your dating life and limit the type of guy that you can marry. No one wants to marry the slutty girl from college. Your reputation is like B.O., no one talks about it unless it is bad. It is a sad indictment of our moral fabric, but no one blames men for having meaningless sex while women who are promiscuous are social pariahs. Though it is a double standard, it is reality. Most women that have dark sexual pasts do not get married (or at least not married to the right type of guy).

3. Never be the slutty girl that found religion - The only thing that is worse than being the skank that slept with one of every two guys from your neighborhood is being the reformed slut who has slept 300 guys but is now a born again “virgin”. There is nothing wrong with becoming a better person or choosing a different lifestyle, but rebuking sex altogether and becoming a hypocritical slut is not okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman who knows what she wants from men, especially if what she wants happens to be a lot of penises in and around her body. She will always be satisfied because men will put their wood in anything and as a bonus, she will make a lot of new male friends. Sluttiness has some great advantages. A woman that has regular sex has a good idea of her expectations of her lover. And, variety can help any person hone their tastes, so women that sleep with numerous different guys should hypothetically be better at choosing a mate (at least a sexually compatible mate). Plus, woman almost never have to worry about finding a guy. Jenna Jameson, the most popular porn star in the world is dating an UFC fighter. And, for the more common slut without a porn contract, there are plenty of guys that want a chance to date them. For every promiscuous woman on the Earth, there is a shy, nerdy guy that has loved her since the first day that they met in elementary school. While she was out banging every athlete, musician, and artist that said hello in high school and college, he was writing love letters to her and studying hard to get his big pay day. Men love sluts. But, the one type of female that all guys hate is the hypocritical whore who slept with everyone except them.

4. Never be the girl with all male “friends” - Let’s set the record straight right now. No man can be a platonic friend to a woman, and no man wants to date the girl with five guys on call for sex. The truth about male/female relationships is that there is almost always some sexual desire on the guys part. Men do not approach women because they look like tey could be a great friend. And most women with multiple male friends is sexually attracted to at least one of them and emotionally attached another one. The phrase “I don’t get along with women,” says at least one of three things about you:

  • You are crazy and/or bitchy and women do not like you.
  • You are self-involved, insecure, or mean because those are the only character traits that insures that all of your women friends will disown you.
  • You are high maintenance and need constant attention from various sources. None of these character flaws are attractive to the type of guy that you want to marry.

 

5. Never be the girl with the male best friend - In most situations where a woman’s best friend is a guy, the woman has some unreconciled feelings about her best friend and the best friend wants to sleep with the girl, but one or both of them are too shy to make a move. Occasionally, the male friend is an ex-boyfriend with whom the girl is still in love. In either situation, the woman involved needs to address her feelings for the “best friend” or she will never put the necessary work into her ensuing relationships. The best “friend” will give her “advice” about her relationship with her lover. The “advice” always sounds like “I can not believe he said that to you. You need to leave him.”

 

6. Never ask a guy if he is going to marry you - If a man is considering marriage with you, then you will know it. If you have to ask him if you are going to get married, then you are probably not in the right relationship. Pointing out all of your friends that are getting married does not work. Window shopping in a jewelry store is a death sentence. A guy knows that he is with the right girl within a year of dating her. If you get to year three and there has been no talk of marriage, then it may be time to leave the relationship.

7. Never Disrespect Your Man - Men can take a lot of pain in a relationship and keep their commitment and fidelity. Men can endure arguments, bad attitudes, and boring and infrequent sex from the woman that they love, but one thing that most men can not tolerate is disrespect. Never be the girl that disrespects her guy in public. And disrespect comes in many different forms. Men will leave you if you if do any of the following: berate and/or curse at him in public, make him look inept financially, make him look inadequate sexually, or challenge his manhood. Challenging a guy’s manhood is a sure way to lose him. Never call a guy a pussy or say that he is less than a man. It is hurtful and he will lose respect for you which will end the courtship. But, the most damaging display of disrespect is also one of the most overlooked forms of it. Not listening to your man is volatile and reprehensible in a relationship. Because men are usually the party with fewer spoken words in a relationship, the words that they speak carry more weight in their minds. And contrary to popular opinion, most of the questions that men ask are well thought out. So when a man makes a request of you, no matter how small it is, he expects for you to fulfill his expectations. Ignoring or dismissing his request is direct attack on his idea of how you see him and a statement to him about the strength of your relationship with him. He thinks that since he normally does not ask you for anything, and since he regularly provides you with everything that you need, then when he asks you for anything whether it be private, financial, emotional, informative, sexual, or whatever, you should comply. Your (dismissal) feels like a slight and any question that you ask will seem like a question of his integrity which ultimately feels disrespectful. I guess it turns out that guys are pretty complicated too.

 

8. Never Dismiss Your Man’s Emotions - Men are seldom openly emotional, so when they do open up their feelings women need to listen to them. Guys are taught to be tough and emotionless from the time that their first words form. Stoicism is rewarded in men. Men are naturally guarded with their feelings because boys that talk about anything other than girls, sports, fights, and cars are immediately ridiculed and ostracized by their friends. If a man trusts you enough to emote with you then support him fully.

 

9. Never Be the No Blowjob Girl - Do I really need to explain this? Oral sex should not be relegated to birthdays and huge celebrations.

 

How to Catch a Man – Step Two: The Date

28 Jan

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how to catch a man02

If you have already followed the steps on how to get a date, then this is the next second step in finding the right man for you, ladies. The first date stands as the most important meeting in a couple’s burgeoning relationship. For women, it is the magic test. The first date is an opportunity for a woman to see if a man makes her feel special. However, the first date is very different for most men. This date decides your relationship fate with men. On this date, you will either transition into being the woman that he can let his guard down with and just be himself or become just another girl that he wants to bang. The first date distinguishes you from any other potential girlfriends that the guy whom you like might have. You have to be fun and alluring to peak his interest.

If you have already read step 1, then you already have a set destination for your date. All that is left is actually meeting your new suitor. It seems like a simple enough task, but there are a few pitfalls that can stop you from making the type of connection that you want with your beau. Your looks, your demeanor, and your personality will decide whether this man thinks of you as a mate or a fling.

Make sure that you look great. You do not have to dress any more slutty than normal or put on clown makeup, but be the best representation of you that you can be. That means putting on the dress that you get the most compliments in (which honestly may be your slutty dress) and doing whatever it takes to feel sexy. Men are usually very visual and they can pick up on body language that tells whether you are confident and comfortable in your own skin or insecure about your looks. Take a hot bath, get a manicure and pedicure, or get that Brazilian bikini wax. Do whatever it takes to feel sexy before your date. Show a little cleavage, show your legs, and wear your hair down. Accentuate your best features. And most importantly, wear a smile the entire date. Your appearance is the first determining factor in whether a man wants to pursue you for a relationship or not.

How you carry yourself is the next contributing element in how you will be judged by the man who holds your interest. Your body language says more to your date than anything you could ever tell him in words. Recent studies show that men can visually identify the most sexually active women in a set simply by observing them walking. And though men are not always consciously reading your body language, they do pick up on the subtle visual cues that you give to them in every social interaction. Closed body language will relay disinterest to your peer in most cases, so unfold your arms and open your shoulders towards your date. Lean in towards the gentleman if you like him. He will respond positively. You want to appear relaxed and attentive. If you appear too rigid and uncomfortable to him, you may make him uncomfortable too. Your body language dictates the flow of the date and controls how comfortable he is with you.

And, the final component of the date that will decide how great the connection between you and your dream man can be, is your personality. How your personality is perceived by a man is contingent on how well you converse with him. Though the stereotypes say that women behave more selfishly, men can be very egotistical and self-involved on dates and in relationships. So ironically, you should divert the conversation towards him if you want to seem more interesting . Talk about him. Most guys want to tell you about how great they are at their jobs and about all their hobbies. Let them. But, pay close attention to how often they ask about you. An attentive man wants to know about his date, so he will ask questions. Answer them honestly, but succinctly, and follow up with a question about him. Men will never say it, but they are enamored with themselves. If you allow a man to talk about something that interests them, then they will carry the conversation and think that you are enchanting.

The way that you behave on your date ultimately will decide if you impress or frustrate your date. Your physical appearance, your non-verbal cues, and your ability to converse are key contributing factors in your journey to attract the mate of your choice. And, if you follow these suggestions, you will be one step closer to catching the man of your dreams.

How to Know If You Are Crazy

18 Jan

crazy - girlfriend05

crazy - mom021. Is Your Mother Crazy?

Do you regularly think, “What is wrong with this bitch?”, when you hang out with your mother? Is she the most neurotic, controlling human being that you know? Well, congratulations. Her emotional instability has led you to become a lifetime resident in crazy town. You have unintentionally learned how to fly off the handle from the one person who should be the closest example of normal adulthood in your life. And, this type of crazy spills over into all parts of your life. Romantic relationships, friendships, and work relationships all suffer from your inability to keep it together emotionally. If your mother is crazy, chances are you are crazy too.

2. Are You Always Ready to Throw Down?

People argue. Occasionally, those arguments lead to physical altercations. No one would fault you for getting into a fight with some knucklehead after having a few too many shots at the local bar, because sometimes tempers flare when alcohol is involved. However, if you get into a scuffle with somebody every weekend, then maybe you have a problem. Do you argue loudly and often with your current boyfriend in public about problems that should probably discussed in private? Have ever gotten into a fist fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend in public? Yes? Then, you are crazy.

3. Is Everyone You Date Crazy?

You always seem to attract stalkers. You chalked it up to having spectacular sex skills or a great personality. You are a great catch, but you end up dating the kleptomaniac or the panty sniffer or the guy who has been in jail 12 times. Well, unfortunately for you, if you keep finding crazy people, then you may be giving off crazy vibes. People like what is familiar to them. Crazy attracts crazy.

4. What Time Do You Come Home?

Excluding graveyard shifters who are usually fairly responsible people, the people who regularly get home after 2 a.m. are insane. There are only a few activities available to you for entertainment in the early hours of the morning. Libraries are not open until 2 in the morning. Neither are churches. The only viable options for entertainment late at night are binge drinking, soliciting and using illegal drugs, or soliciting and having sex with strangers. And while those are extremely engaging offers, none of them are particularly healthy decisions. It takes a special type of person to drink every night until incoherent, wake up hung over and depressed, and then do it all over again the next day. The only things that stay open that late are bars and legs, so if you regularly keep those hours, you should start a new career as a bartender, drug dealer, or a professional whore.

crazy - camgirl

5. Are You A Stripper/Cam Girl?

Any woman who decides to take her clothes off for money is probably missing a few screws. Ladies, you should not take this statement as a judgment against all the women who strip, dance, or rub balloons against their genitalia for cash. This statement is the simple expression of a few quaint observations. Women who strip can be upstanding citizens who better their communities through civil service and personal sacrifice. That is completely possible. But, usually, they turn out to just be psychotic sex workers who turn the world upside-down with their vaginas. You might offer your man a threesome with a coworker one night or stab him in the chest with a paper clip the next night. Neither of those incidents are things that normal people do regularly, though one is probably preferred. If you make money by showing your boobs to strangers, then you are probably crazy.

6. How Many Friends Do You Have?

Friends are people that you can count on when you need them. Friends have your best interest at heart all the time. They are only concerned with your well-being. Guys who want to sleep with you are not your friends. Neither are women who are envious and tear you down with negativity. If you look at this list and can not find an example of one person who genuinely cares about you doing well, then you are probably crazy. The people whom you are screwing do not count here, unless they are your long-term boyfriend/girlfriend or your spouse, because the person with whom you are having sex is morally obligated to come to your rescue occasionally.

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7. Can You Apologize?

Can you make a sincere apology when you make a mistake? Does it burn a small piece of your soul to say “I’m sorry”? People who never apologize are closet sociopaths. They are so self-absorbed that they do not worry about the welfare and feelings of others. An inability to apologize is an indicator of mental instability. If you can not admit guilt and show remorse when you hurt someone, then you are crazy.

8. Do You Know Why You Do What You Do?

When you are arguing, do you sometimes step back in the moment and think, “Why am I doing this?”, but you do it anyway? Right before you call your boyfriend four letter words that you would be embarrassed to hear your parents say, do you think, “I can’t believe I’m picking this fight.” Have you ever slashed someone’s tires, thrown a brick through a window, or keyed someone’s car? Well, if you have exhibited any of these behaviors, then you are nuts. Congrats.

This list is not the definitive list of crazy behaviors. It is simply a starter kit for recognizing your mental problems. Chances are, if you are genuinely reading this list to find out if you are crazy, then you already know the answer.