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The Obvious Reasons Sex and the City Was Written By a Gay Guy

4 Jul

sex and the city

Sex and the City was one of the most popular series that HBO ever televised. Furthermore, it is one of the most financially lucrative series that has been in syndication, turning several seasons of drama into two of the highest grossing movies of the last decade. Sex and the City empowered women everywhere, specifically single women, because it is one of the few shows where the story lines are carried solely by women. But, it was quite obviously written by a gay man. Below are a few of the most glaring examples of why everyone should have known the writer of Sex and the City was gay.

1. The Protagonists Are Women

Straight, American male writers in Hollywood generally write about men who express the ideals of manhood. They either create stoic, charming characters who vanquish their enemies or flawed anti-heroes who beat the odds and succeed in the end (think anything by the Michael Bay, Scorsese, or even Spielberg, etc). Women tend to base their work around complex, story line connections and emotional ties rather than an actual hero (think Hurt Locker). Gay male directors focus their stories around the most significant person in their lives, their mothers. It is no coincidence that all of the women that Sex and the City is based on are middle-aged, successful women. That confident, sophisticated woman portends the image that the average gay man holds of his mother (at least if he loves her).

 

2. The Women Are Caricatures of Themselves

In Sex and the City, all the women are wildly, successful professionally, but in shambles emotionally. Miranda is a powerful attorney on the fast track to partner, but she is almost emotionally despondent. Samantha is completely open sexually, however she is challenged when it comes to intimacy. Charlotte is sexually inexperienced and sheltered socially. And, Carrie despite being a burgeoning writer is also completely indecisive and confused romantically. Each character is a stereotype of a specific kind of woman, and no particular group of people are more stereotyped or more capable of indulging stereotypes than gay men.

 

3. The Men Are Just Eye Candy

If you want to know what single gay men think of other men, either go to glo-stick night at your nearest gay bar or club on Friday or watch an episode of Sex and the City. You will get the same conception of a homosexual male’s idea of men. Each show is a buffet of single available men that are at the women’s disposal. Occasionally, one guy sticks around with one of the female leads for more than a few shows, but usually they are in the story line just long enough for everyone to ogle.

 

4. The Way Sex Scenes Are Shot

The typical way that sex scenes are shot by men incorporates plenty of boobs with the desultory butt shot (female, of course) accompanied by the camera panning to either the man or woman jumping up and down or thrusting. Women generally film sex and nudity only in awkward context to evoke realism into their film. But in Sex and the City, the sex scenes display the men like films directed by straight men depict the women. They show the men’s bodies as trophies and then pan to the pure ecstasy on faces of the female leads.

 

5. The Show Is About Sex

Sex and the City is a show about (wait for it…) women who have sex in the city of New York. What could be more enticing and gossip-inducing to a gay man than the sexual conquests and emotional trauma of his closest successful businesswomen friends? That is what Sex and the City provides. It gives a look into the lives of four interesting women who have plenty of sex and plenty to tell.

 

6.The Designers

The fashion is also a little reminder that the director has to be a gay man. The designers really “came out” for the show (see what I did there). They make cameos on Sex and the City, place their clothes throughout it, and have the actresses on the show at their shows. Count the Jimmy Choo references in the next episode that you see.

 

7. Big

The only male character that remained static throughout the show and the dream guy for Carrie, the main character of Sex and the City, was named after the size of his penis. The ultimate goal of the show, which was about a lady having it all, focused on her marrying the drama filled, penis of her dreams. The man behind this all had to be gay.

How Having A Cat Is Like Dating A Hot Woman

3 Jul

hot woman cat

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You Will Be Ignored

Your cat always has something better to do when you want their attention or affection. Whether they are playing with their toys, sunbathing, taking a nap, or just ignoring you, whatever they are currently doing is more important than your desires at any given moment of the day. A cat is never at your beck and call. And similarly, hot women always have too many options in the dating pool to wait for your call. A beautiful young woman has professional athletes, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, and garbage men chasing after her and offering her the world. She does not need you even if she likes you. She may not like her current options – which is the sole reason that you have a shot with her – but there is always another opportunity for her to be entertained. Some guy is always willing to shell out ridiculous amounts of money to be ignored by a beautiful woman. And, when you can have anyone, no one is good enough for you. Like every cat in the world is too good for their owner, every sexy woman in the world can afford to ignore the guy who wants her.

 

Feed Them If You Want Their Attention

No cat can resist the sound of a can opener even if they have been ignoring you all day, and the only caveat to the “women will ignore you” rule is the “women love food” exception.  Nothing says I’m your best option to a lady like overpriced food and forced small talk. And, if you are fortunate enough to string together the right set of words, then your date might find out that she is genuinely interested in you despite your obvious shortcomings. A woman’s most intimate needs are a mystery to men, but if you are vying for a small piece of her attention then buy her some food.

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They Never Travel in Packs

The term “cat fight” was appropriately coined. Domestic cats do not travel together in packs and neither do hot women. And, the reason that neither of them hang together is because both hot women and cats can not stay in close proximity with one another for too long without fighting among themselves. Cats fight over food, territory, and social status. Women fight over looks, social media, and social status. You will never see more than two hot women in any group of ladies because the level of vanity that it takes to be extremely hot supersedes the people skills that a person must have to deal with others amicably. Cats and hot chicks do not travel in packs.

 

They Nap

Your cat will sleep from 14-20 hours a day. And, when you cannot get in touch with a hot women, there is a good chance that she is just sleeping. A big part of a sexy woman’s hotness is aggressively getting enough hours of uninterrupted sleep and even more hours spent primping and planning outfits, accessories, and makeup. Be grateful that you get any time with a beautiful woman during any given 24-hour period.

cat - manipulation

They Manipulate You

A pretty woman knows how to act in order to get what she wants from you. Whether it be a simple smile, a caress on the shoulder, or a sultry brush against you, you are not in control of the situation when a hot chick decides what she wants. If you have ever been awakened from a sound sleep for late night sex or a 3 A.M. discussion about your behavior, then you know that you are at the mercy of a hot lady and her desires. Your cat’s desires are just as important. And, if you have ever been awakened at the crack of dawn by a 8 lb. tabby sitting on your forehead while waiting to be fed, then you know who runs your relationship.

Understanding Men: Who A Man Sleeps With Has Nothing To Do With His Taste in Women

1 Jul

morning regret

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

- Robin Williams

what men want

When asked, any man would say that the woman on the left is who they want to date. But, given the circumstance the same guys would sleep with either other woman.

Women often wonder how a man can date a woman who looks like Kate Upton, but sleep with a woman who looks like Margaret Cho circa 1998. They wonder how an attractive guy who has a good job and has acquired quite a few nice things has slept with a lot of unattractive women in his time. That is because, to most ladies, who a man dates is a good indicator of his preference in women. And, on some level that is true. Where a man spends his time and money gives some insight into what he desires. The man who dates Kate Upton obviously like busty blondes. A guy who dates a rocket scientist probably values intellect. However, the one key factor that many women do not know, do not fully understand, or do not take into account about men is how many decisions are made with the head below their shoulders. What men desire on the most base level is regular access to vagina. And, the prospect of regular sex far outweighs the desire to have a beautiful date. Men follow their roosters indiscriminately, and the rooster does not discriminate. So, you cannot judge a man’s taste by the appearance of the woman that he is screwing. Understanding this inimitable fact is paramount to understanding men. The smaller head always wins.

regretful morning

There are exactly two factors that determine what a man likes in a woman, what a man believes that he wants from a woman and the probability that the guy will be able to sleep with a particular woman. Men are simple. There is the type of woman that the man desires physically, mentally, and emotionally and there is the type of woman that the man can attract easily. Who a man has sex with has no bearing on who a man finds attractive or what characteristics he likes and dislikes in a woman. Once again, a man’s preference in women depends on his options at the time. A guy has an archetypal standard in his head for the type of woman who he wants to start a life with and an ever-changing minimum for the woman who he deems an acceptable candidate with which to exchange bodily fluids. Sometimes, all the desired physical, mental, and emotional traits that a single guy needs to build a relationship reside in one woman, and that woman is interested in the guy. And, in a perfect world, this scenario would be the norm. But, generally the frumpy, hetero- clone of Rosie O’Donell is the only woman who is interested in sex with a guy, and almost any red-blooded American man will choose coed extracurricular activities over a night alone.

The man who loves brunettes with long hair will still sleep with a cute short-haired blonde given the opportunity. The guy who cannot get enough of big butts would hook-up with a chick with nice boobs and no ass without blinking. Depending on the amount of alcohol, the hour of night, and length of time between a man’s last two orgasms Brad Pitt would have sweaty armpit sex with Melissa McCarthy while Fran Drescher intermittently yelled the answers to quadratic equations and emasculated him. Our expectations for a wife and sex partner are not mutually exclusive though they often appear that way.

Men should not be judged for the choices that they made when most of their blood was draining southward, because personal taste in women is the one instance when actions do not speak louder than words. A man’s sexual resume has no bearing on his ideals. No man who has a reasonable amount of sex partners has not bedded a few big, old, and/or homely women. But, past dalliances do not show preference. A guy will stick his Richard in any woman at 2 o’clock when the bar is closing. The most effective indicator of a man’s desires is what he intellectualizes and verbalizes is his type. So, if a man says that he likes a certain characteristic in a woman, take him at his word. For men, taste is idealized, but sex is relative to opportunity.

15 Ways to Know if She Is Cheating

28 Jun

caught cheating03

change in wardrobe

If her clothes go from ragged sweatpants to exquisite dresses, then you may have a problem.

1. Her Wardrobe Changes

The cliche is true, people are creatures of habit. They fall into calculable patterns of behavior and dress unless some outside force changes their course. If your lady has always been a sweatpants and no makeup type of girl, but suddenly she is wearing short skirts, high heels, and plenty of rouge then there is a very specific reason why she has chosen to focus on her looks. New lingerie that is found folded neatly in her dresser drawers instead of shown on her gorgeous figure for your eyes are also hidden away in the drawer for a reason. And, that reason could be the cute, new guy at work that she is now banging.

2. She Stops Texting/Calling

Women use upwards of ten thousand words per day, and most of those words are used at home with their significant others. Cellular phones have allowed women to converse with their partners without being next to them. That means that women have ample opportunity to get those 10,000 words out during the day. When a woman consistently stops texting and calling, that means that something or someone else is occupying her time.

3. She Works Late

Working late is the most frequently used excuse of a cheater, whether male or female. But, women regularly work late less often than men. So, if your lady is suddenly working late during the week and you have not heard about any big projects or seen any correspondence coming home with her, then she may be cheating.

4. She Stops Nagging

She used to tell you to keep your socks out of the middle of the living room floor. She used to whine when you forgot to take out the trash. She used to nag you when you were watching the big game on television and not cutting the yard. She has stopped caring and you should be concerned.

5. She Over-Explains

Here’s a easy way to find out when someone is lying to you. Ask them a question, look them straight in the eyes, and stop talking. When they finish their sentence, stare at them intently. If your woman is lying to you then she will start to talk about all of the most unnecessary parts of her day. Too much explanation can mean infidelity.

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6. She Shows Signs of Nervousness

If she touches her face, starts rifling through her bag, or gives any body language that is unusual for her while talking to you, then she is hiding something from you. Smaller, more subtle facial expressions called micro-expressions are more telling of her intentions than anything that she says to you. If your girlfriend seems aloof and disinterested, even for a fraction of a second, then those feelings may be the ones that she is hiding. If you notice unfamiliar facial expressions, then pay close attention to them because they may relay her true feelings.

7. No Foreplay

You think that you have finally convinced her that her needs are less important than your needs. You can not remember the last time that she looked fully engaged in sex with you. She is trying to get the act done.

cheating - shower

 

When you go from hot steamy shower sex to her keeping watch to stop you from coming into the shower, she may be cheating.

8. She Showers Before She Talks to You

This is a big red flag. In most relationships, people stop and greet their partners as soon as they get home. They talk about their day to their loved one, and then ask their partner about their day. A change in this routine is probable cause for alarm. If your woman jumps into shower before she kisses you, then she may be trying to deceive you. Yes, she could be attempting to clean up from a hard workout at the gym, or she may be trying to wash the scent of her lover off of her before she reaches you. Women know that most men are not as rigid about smell as they are, so if they can get to the shower before embracing their guy, he probably will not notice the smell. And, men are less observant and self-involved anyway. If a woman uses a little subtlety and carefulness, a guy may never find out about her indiscretion. Pay attention to the little things. Too many inconsistencies are a big clue that something is wrong.

9. She Will Not Change In Front of You

She used to be Miss Nude Universe around the house. You could not get her to keep her clothes on her back. Now, she will not take off her shirt in front of you. She moves away from your touch. Sometimes the movement is a nearly unnoticeable flinch. Sometimes it is an overt jerk away from a slight caress. Something is different in your relationship, but you can not figure it out. She is probably hiding the rug burns on her back from her lover. Women who love to be naked do not suddenly change their behavior.

10. She Is Meaner

Does she seem to just pick fights with you now? Does she say terrible, hurtful things to you for no reason? A woman who is tired of a relationship has no incentive to keep her mate happy. Irritability and constant conflicts are sure to follow. She may have checked out of the relationship emotionally, because she has connected with someone else physically.

11. Less Sex

There was a time when the two of you could not keep your hands off of each other. You would have sex four to five times a week. Sometimes there were two to three love-making sessions in the same day. Now, two months have passed and she has not even given you a seductive smile. If she is not sleeping with you, then she is sleeping with someone else. Less sex happens in a long relationship. However, if your sex life has slowed to a stop, then you have valid concerns.

12. More Sex

The two of you have a normal sex life. You are intimate between two to four times weekly. But, suddenly she is insatiable. She pounces on you at every chance that she gets. And, the last time that you had sex, she did something that you had never seen before that moment. It was vile and disgusting, and you loved it. Do not be fooled by the random sex act that “blew” your mind. If she performed it on you, she had to have learned it somewhere, and the chances that she saw it on the internet and performed it perfectly for the first time with you are slim. No, she learned that new trick next door with Arnie, the three legged man.

13. You Have A Feeling

Always trust your instincts. A woman (especially an evil one) can convince you that the sky is falling if you love her. Anytime that you have a suspicion that something is amiss, there is a reason for that mistrust. Keep your eyes open and do not be deceived by an unfaithful lover.

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14. She Pays More Attention to Her Phone Than She Does to You

She used to leave her phone laying around the house open all the time. There was no elaborate pass code or thumbprint password to get into her mobile device. In fact, she handed it to you without pause back then. Now, everything feels secretive. Her hand is always over the phone when she texts and her back turns toward you. You hear hushed conversations in other rooms. Just because a woman is physically in the house with you does not mean that she is completely emotionally committed. If her phone has suddenly become very important to her, then that displaced attention maybe pointed at someone else. She is investing time and energy into something or somebody.

15. Her Social Media Gets Sexy

If you see, “New Year, New Me”, with an excess of sexy pictures, then you may have to worry about your lady leaving you in the old year. Social media is a clear indicator of any person’s intentions and their priorities. If your girlfriend starts posting overtly sexual pictures or messages on her social media, then she is looking for a particular type of attention. Once again, if her wardrobe changes from sweatpants with rollers in her hair and flip-flops on her feet to being made up in new underwear, a tight form-fitting dress, and in heels then she is probably dressing up for someone new. Her priorities may have changed.