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Do’s on the First Date

15 Nov

1st date06

By William Bixby

The first date sets the standard for your relationship. It decides if you will be your date’s next boyfriend, her next fling, her next friend, or her next topic of funny and humiliating conversation with her girlfriends. If you want to avoid being fodder for a hilarious conversation and escape the easily accessible friend-zone, then follow these tips.

1. Actually plan a date - The first date should be fun and a forum to open and easy conversation between the two of you. You have to have a place in mind for the date and tell her how to dress, so that neither of you are over or under dressed for the occasion. These things should be settled before you call her; it shows assertiveness and some forethought about the two of spending time together. You need a plan, because friends figure out activities together. Most ladies still expect for a man that they date to provide the ideas.

2. Look good - In general, her first impression of you is the one that she will keep of you. You have made at least one good impression on her, because she has agreed to meet you somewhere, but that impression was based only in mild intrigue and was in some other context. Now, you have to convince her that you are what she wants. So, get a haircut, shave, buy a new outfit, bathe before you meet her, and a little cologne finishes the deal.

3. Be punctual - This is the only flexible rule. You should be at the meeting place, whether it is to pick her up or not, well before the time that you agreed to meet. However, if you are a little late and she is into you, it can be an icebreaker and a topic of conversation.

4. Always bring a gift - If you want her to see you as more than a friend, then you have to treat her like more than a friend. If you get her flowers, do not get her red roses unless she says those are the only flower that she likes. Every date that she has had has brought her roses. Get orchids or some other exotic looking, fragrant flower. Or, if you were paying attention during your phone conversation, you could bring her that thing that she said she likes. You remember what it was. The Sour Skittles or the french apple pie will make her day and set you apart from every other date that she has ever had.

5. Smile - People get nervous on first dates and forget to smile. Smile when you see her. Smile when you shake hands or embrace; go for the hug. Smile while you are conversing. Smile when she smiles. Smile at the end of the date. Keep smiling.

6. Keep positive - Do not confuse this with agreeing with everything she says. But there should be a positive spin on the entire evening. Do not let the smaller obstacles of the night put you or your date in a sour mood. You are the usher of smiles on a date whether it be through comedy or just good vibes. If your date is happy, then you will be happy too.

7. Be a gentleman - This means open all doors, both car and restaurant. Allow her to talk about what she wants, without interruption. Remember, you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. As the old adage says, you should do twice as much listening as you do talking. And keep anything sexual out of the conversation, unless she brings it up.

8. Have at least one anecdote - Unless she is your soulmate, there will be some lull in conversation at some point in the night. When it happens, before the extended awkward silence arrives, grin and tell her how you just thought about this funny thing that happened…

9. Pay for everything - Friends go dutch. Men who want to date women pay for everything. If she insists on paying, tell her she can get the next one. And yes, it is that important to pay for everything.

10. Tip well - There is nothing more unattractive than a cheap date. If you have terrible service, tip 15%. If you have mediocre to good service tip 20%. She will notice how you tip, and she will notice how you treat the server.

11. Go for it - At the end of the date, if you enjoyed each other’s company, go for the kiss. If you get rejected, shake it off, and hit the showers.

12. Set up another date - If you had a good time, ask if you can hang out again soon. You have to show initiative in dating.

A good sign that the date is going well.

See also Don’t's on the First Date

What “I Love You” Really Means

2 Nov

Young couple making love

The simple words “I love you,” can carry different meanings depending on who uses the phrase. The interpretation of the expression changes in meaning in each separate situation in which they are involved. “I love you,” can signify several, different contrasting thoughts and emotions depending on the context of the words.

“I love you,” can mean:

“I am in love with you.”

You have been dating for a few months and are right in the middle of the infatuation stage with your
new partner. The two of you cannot keep your hands off of each other. You try to spend every free moment with each other because your partner is the only person that matters to you at this point.

“I care about you.”

This “I love you,” is in all likeliness returning the favor after your new main squeeze professes their love for you. It really means, “I like you, but I don’t know if I love you yet.” It is said specifically so that you do not hurt the feelings of someone that you are just getting to know.

“I love having sex with you!”

Orgasms blur the line between reality and fantasy, and this version of love is proclaimed most often post-coitus by women. The sexual “I love you’” happens when a person has been sleeping with a sexual magician. He or she makes their lover’s body do and feel things that they have never experienced before. Good sex is literally like a drug hormonally, and there is only one supplier.

“Let me hit that.”

Men are pigs, and they are not above dropping the L-word in order to score with an attractive woman.

 

“I love your money.”

Money makes everyone a little more appealing, and women can be very manipulative when a wealthy man throws it around. There are multiple cases of celebrity “love” between older men and younger women. Women like nice things and some old men have the means to afford the best. Sugardaddy.com is proof of this.

 

“I don’t have the heart to tell you that I don’t love you.”

For whatever the reason, you do not feel the same way about your partner as you did when you first met. You are non-confrontational and cannot tell your partner that you are slowly outgrowing and falling out of love with them.

 

“You are the best that I can do.”

You have been hurt a few times by less than stellar people, and the person that you have been dating for the last year is the best human being that you have ever dated. You are not really attracted to him or her, and you have very little chemistry. But, this person says and does all the right things. They are attentive to your needs, kind to everyone that they meet, and they have a nice job. This person is the safe plan.

“I love the kids enough to deal with you.”

You have been married for more than a decade and the thrill is gone. A divorce would bankrupt you, you bicker over trivial things constantly, and you hate to come home from work. However, your children are almost out of the house and planning for the rest of their lives. They are filling out college applications and fielding job offers. You and your spouse do not want to traumatize your children at such a crucial juncture of their lives, so you stay together though you are both unhappy and put on a mask.

 

Why Won’t He Commit

19 Oct

reasons he will not commit

This article was originally submitted on February 27, 2011. Because of the response from our readers, we have resubmitted this article for our readers. Enjoy.

He always says all the right things to you. He is kind, patient, and responsible. More so, the two of you have fun together. You talk about any and everything to him. He is your lover and your best friend. This guy seems like he could be your soul mate, but he will not make a commitment to you. These are the top reasons why a man will not take your relationship to the next level, in no particular order.

1. He has emotional baggage - Guys have emotions too. Your boyfriend may have had a terrible experience in a relationship before the two of you met. Emotional scars from past dalliances can affect your present relationship. One of the first steps to finding resolution with a difficult break-up is him openly communicating his feelings about the split to someone that he trusts. Men seldom talk to anyone about their feelings, regardless of how painful those emotions may be.  Often, a man’s girlfriend is his only connection to emoting regularly.If you convince him to share his experiences, preferably have someone other than you converse with him. While you may be fully invested in this relationship, you may not be capable of hearing in vivid detail what connected him to another woman.

2. You have emotional baggage - You have had a string of bad relationships over the last year and your faith in men has dwindled steadily since then. There is an emotional wall that protects your feelings from the pain and mistrust that you have received from men, but it also guards against genuine affection from the right man. Men are also more intuitive than they are perceived to be. If you are keeping a part of yourself from him, then he will not commit. He will guard his heart as adamantly as you have been guarding yours. Communication is once again the answer. So, tell him that you are protective of your heart, find a friend that you trust with your darkest secrets, and open up about your difficulties with dating.

3. He is too immature - Before a man can commit, he has to grow up. An immature guy will never marry you because you are not his priority. His priority is his special car, new video games, old “bromances”, or himself. With an immature guy you represent a luxury, not a necessity. Leave the frat boy alone immediately. You can not force him to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.

4. He is not ready financially - Financial stability will make or break your relationship. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Well over 70% of divorces are caused by couples falling on hard financial times. The inability to pay bills on time or possibly being evicted from your home places a great deal of stress on couples. When your basic needs are going unmet, relationships tend struggle. If your man clearly tells you that he is not stable enough financially to support your relationship, either trust him and wait while he builds his credit and finds another job, get another job to help with bills, or find a new man altogether.

5. He wants to play the field - Whether he has had a minimum amount of partners and wants to get a little more experience, or he thinks that he is “too much man for one woman,” you should distance yourself from this guy. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is a byproduct of immaturity, and in either situation, you lose. If he honestly needs to date other women because he was not exposed to different women prior to meeting you, then you have to come to terms with the fact that someone that you hold dear, may find someone else. In parallel, you have to accept the fact that the same person that you care for immensely, did not fully appreciate  the scope of your relationship. If you are dating the egotistical, “weigh his options guy,” then you have misjudged the character of a man in which you have invested time and emotion. The best solution is abstraction.

6. You are crazy - A man will not commit to a woman that is completely, mentally unstable. If you are manic-depressive, bipolar, or schizophrenic and medicated, then you should keep taking your medicine. If you are not medicated and just utterly irrational, then you should consider therapy and possibly becoming medicated. Men do not enjoy arguing. Men do not enjoy crying. Men do not enjoy arguing and crying with their women. If you can not talk to your significant other without breaking into tears or a fit of rage, then seek help.

7. You are lame - You never go out anymore. You dress poorly now, too. The two of you seem like an old married couple, more like roommates than lovers. Instead dressing well and spending nights out on the town, you spend nights watching the newscast in your sweatpants. You ask, “What’s wrong?” constantly. Nothing is wrong, except that he is going to bang his head against a wall until it is a bloody pulp if you ask him that question again. Where is the fun girl that he met out clubbing with his friends? Where is the girl that rode with him to Atlantic City on a whim? If you find her, you may find an engagement ring too. Men are unintentionally expected to be the entertainment for their relationships. In most pairings, the guy has to bring the excitement and enthusiasm with him. Women that are equally engaging find husbands.

8. He is not the one - You met in college and he was awesome. The two of you like all the same things, you finish each others sentences, and the last two years have flown by quickly. Slowly, you start to feel a slight disinterest in working out the tawdry problems that arise in your relationship. In fact, you have become slightly disinterested in him. Similarly, he has checked out of the romance emotionally. On paper, everything matches perfectly, but in reality your bond has weakened significantly. Relationships all work in theory if people are willing to compromise. However, some people are not compatible despite having the same passions.

Things Women Should Know About Men

16 Oct

200326454-002

This article is written by an adult for adults. There is content that is expressed within this page that is not meant for minors. So, if you are not 18 years or older then move away from this page immediately. The opinions shared in this article do not necessarily express the viewpoint of AnswersFromMen.com. AnswersFromMen.com is in no way responsible for the views written here. They are the views of the author.

confused woman

1. The Three F’s

Who knew that Chris Rock had so much sage advice on relationships? If you want to keep a man, fuck him, feed him, and shut the fuck up. A man can deal with almost anything that a woman does if she can cook a good meal, make his toes curl in the bedroom, and let him win the occasional argument. Guys strive for peace in the home, and life is all about simple desires. The symbols of a good home life are good food, good sex, and good company. When the smaller things are taken care of by women, then men are happy.

2. What Is Good P*^sy

Both men and women have a well-formed idea of what good sex is, but the definition of good sex differs greatly between the sexes. Men are generally more motivated by what they see than women are. They respond to visual and tactile cues more often than the emotional ones that excite women. Because men are prompted into sexual activity with their eyes and the source of their attraction is their partner’s appearance, a large part of how sexy a woman feels personally is linked to how sexy she thinks she appears to her man. Therefore, a lot of women think that good sex is all about how their vagina looks and how wet it gets. These women are grossly misguided and misinformed. Unless your labia looks like Dumbo’s ears, your entire pelvis is covered in fur, or your vagina smells like a sewer, then no man cares about the appearance of your vagina. And, how wet your vagina gets is almost a non-factor too. Good foreplay almost always solves any problems with moisture in the vagina. And for the few exceptions when dryness is still a problem, pharmacies offer a vast assortment of oil-based and water-based hypo-allergenic lubricants to aid couples. Ultimately, there are only two ways to wow your man in the bedroom, by strengthening your kegel muscles and by using your hips in sex. Women often worry about how tight their vagina feels to their partner, and honestly the anxiety behind this is also more based in the insecurity of men. Regardless of the source of insecurity, the tightness of your vagina can be increased by regularly doing kegel exercises. And, kegels have clear benefits for both men and women. They help strengthen the pelvic floor which helps with incontinence and urinary stress, they help thicken the vaginal wall which increases natural lubrication in the vagina especially after menopause, and kegels also help increase blood flow and nerve supply to the pelvic area. Kegels improve sexual performance through improved sexual response and function. Consequently, these simple exercises make sex better for both men and women. The only other real contribution that women can make to having better sex is actively participating in sex. Some women think that just letting a man get between their legs is a big enough prize for a man. They are also sadly mistaken. Sex is not about lying still under an idiot until the neanderthal finally stops humping away at your pelvis. Sex is about two people or more if you are into that) enjoying each other intimately. And, a little movement of the hips and a lot of enthusiasm go a long way in the bedroom. If you want to impress your man, make sure that you grind with him during sex instead of laying there and making him work, and strengthen the muscles that make sex better for you and him prior to having sex. Achieving a higher quality of sex has very little to do with the appearance of your vagina and everything to do with your approach.

3. Women Make Life Better for Men, Not Simpler

As the prospective mate of a man, you need to understand one simple but profound idea. You are desired, but not needed by your future husband. Women make life better for men, but they also complicate it and men appreciate simplicity. You, as a woman, do all the little things that men love to have done. A good woman can give the right encouragement at a crucial time, cook the perfect meal that nourishes and is delicious, and makes numerous choices around the house that enhance the standard of living. A good woman improves the quality of life around her. But, men can survive without a good woman because the same woman also brings a separate set of problems too. Just living with another person can be difficult. Roommates bring a different view of the world that may or may not match your beliefs, a new way of resolving problems, and a distinct, personally cultivated opinion about everything. A woman brings all those behaviors and personality traits plus a indeterminable amount of emotional baggage and a real need for higher level communication. Men have to accommodate those needs to keep their significant others satisfied, so they have to work harder just to meet the status quo.

4. Sincere Apologies Really Do Work

With men, there is no need for an elaborate apology and a separate calculated plan for propagating forgiveness in an individual when they have committed an offense against a person who is close to them. A hearty handshake or hug, some eye contact, and a sincere “I’m sorry,” usually suffices.

5. Never Ask That Question

“That Question,” does not relate to any specific question, but it does refer to a particular type of question that all women ask. Women tend to ask men questions that they already know they answer to, or questions that will garner responses that they do not want to accept. “Does this dress make me look fat?” Yes, that dress does make you look fat. You knew that it would make you look like a house when you picked it up. You knew that it was too small when you squeezed into it. You knew how looked when you asked your partner about the dress because you spent fifteen minutes staring at the strained seams of the fabric in the mirror. “Do you think that my friend is hot?” If your guy says ‘No, she’s not my type,’ then you will either be insulted that he does not like your friend or think that he is lying because you know she is gorgeous. If he says yes, then you will be jealous of her and think that he is trying to sleep with her. There is no correct answer to any of these types of questions. Do not ask them.

6. Men Are Not Your Friends

Chris Rock said it. Your best friend is trying to bang you.