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Reasons NOT to Date A Stripper

26 Aug

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Guys, you should not date sex workers. This simple idea seems like it should go without saying unless you work as a bouncer at a strip club, you just started your promising career as a male exotic dancer, you are a famous rock star or rapper, or you are a professional athlete. But, average guys make this mistake fairly regularly. They go to an adult establishment, spend exorbitant amounts of money on these women, and pay the emotional price later. Strippers are not regular women even though they have all the same parts. They will not respond to the average situation with typical responses, because they think completely differently from the average woman. Dating an exotic dancer will put you on a roller coaster ride that ends in your own personal chaos. There are plenty of reasons why you should not date a stripper, but has compiled a list of the most important reasons why strippers should be left alone at all costs.

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1. Everybody Has Seen Her

Let’s start with the obvious. When you date a stripper everybody has seen your girlfriend naked or can see your girlfriend naked whenever they want to see her. There is something to be said about exclusivity. A Toyota Camry is a really nice vehicle, but it is not considered a sexy car choice because literally anyone can own one. But, everyone gets excited when they see a Rolls-Royce Phantom. People will make reservations months in advance to eat mediocre, uninspired food prepared by a Michelin three-star chef because of the title bestowed on the chef and because the restaurant restricts how many people can get into the establishment. The Phantom and the Michelin rating represent privilege. With a stripper, everyone has as much access to her as you. If some idiot from your office wants to watch your girlfriend’s boobs swinging to some random Mötley Crüe song, then all he has to do is visit the Blue Flame on Tuesday night. She will be there shaking the girls for a few dollars. Inevitably, some guy is going to touch your girlfriend inappropriately. He might grab a body part or stick his face or fingers somewhere they should not be. If she smiles as she pushes him away or (even worse) allows him to touch her, how would that make you feel? It is her job to sell sexual fantasies to men. She is not doing anything wrong, but you would want to fight the guy and blame her for disrespecting you. Nobody wins. If anybody can have your girlfriend at anytime, why would you want her?


2. Skewed Understanding of Money

For a large majority of strippers, money and sex are completely intertwined. Most dancers do not actually sell sex directly (as in intercourse), but all of them sell their sexuality for a finite price. And, though some people would argue that all men are spending money for sex in some capacity (whether it be by paying for a date or soliciting a prostitute), in the gentleman’s club, there is a predetermined price for 2-5 minutes of sexual intimacy. This type of transactional behavior leads to an unnatural ideology about men and money for an exotic dancer. Their patrons become losers and fools in their minds. These guys think that there is some connection between the stripper and themselves because of the closeness and the touching, but all that sexual friction is just a means to an end for the women. And, that attitude can carry over into real relationships. Women who strip lose respect and trust for men. Think about what it must take for a woman to agree to take off her clothes in a room full of strangers to get paid. Regardless of what some feminists will tell you, that type of decision comes from a place of desperation or dysfunction.


3. Daddy Issues

Speaking of dysfunction, daddy issues are usually behind a woman making the decision to strip. The lack of a strong male figure in formative years leads to problems in romantic relationships, a lack of respect for authority figures, and ultimately to questionable choices as an adult. If a woman has never seen a healthy relationship between a man and a woman, then she has no positive models or points of reference for her personal relationships. Societal expectations and/or natural inclination may be the cause, but women usually are the nurturers and educators of their children. They teach kids how to learn and how to love. And, that love is unconditional. Men generally teach their children social skills and how to deal with their emotions. They teach kids how to act within the societal norms and the consequences of their actions. Without male figures to balance female teachings, you get unstable children who grow up to be irrational adults. And, no one is more irrational than a person who expects money whenever they take off their clothes.


4. Sexual Abuse

Let’s be honest. A significant number of sex workers come from homes where there was sexual abuse. Early exposure to mature sexual situations affects some of these women’s abilities to make sound sexual choices. Stripping, by itself, is a controversial and problematic sexual decision that abuse may have influenced because sex work does not appeal to the average person. People who have been sexually assaulted often have to guess what normal behavior is. They are not trusting. And, a woman who does not trust anyone will make your life a living hell. Victims of sexual abuse have been compared to war veterans diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. They have higher numbers of depression and suicide attempts than other women. They are much more likely to be hyper-sexual and more likely to partake in high risk behavior. That abuse starts these women on a path that is difficult to reconcile. And, dating a stripper forces you into direct contact with her emotional baggage.

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5. Competition

You will always have competition for the affections of a beautiful woman, but with strippers you are at a unique disadvantage. You are, in essence, competing with pro athletes, drug dealers, rock stars, and rappers for a stripper’s affections. And though the average woman may not be swayed by rich men flashing literal piles of money at them, the average exotic dancer can be captivated by both celebrity and wealth. Those men live a lifestyle that you can not provide for her, and have the type of money that can change a woman’s life immediately. And, to reiterate, a stripper is motivated by money. The probability of your stripper girlfriend being a little more tactile with a genuine celebrity is high. And, that is if your girlfriend is loyal. If she is not loyal, then she may sleep with that celebrity for a shot at a little more cash. Prostitution represents a significant part of exotic dancing. And to be clear, all women who dance do not necessarily sleep with their customers for money, however in every club there are women who price their services out in the V.I.P. room.


6. Unconventional Hours

Dating an exotic dancer requires the type of trust that few people have. And, the hours of operation for strip clubs do not help with building trust. As mentioned before, strippers work a job where they are nude or scantily clothed all night long while men paw at them for the entirety of their shift. When the customers are not aggressively grabbing them, then the stripper is actively trying to convince them to part with their hard-earned dollars by flaunting her sexuality at them (which is a nice way of saying she rubs her boobs and butt on their lap until they concede). You, her boyfriend, know that she “dances” from late at night until the early morning grinding on men’s erections. Your stripper girlfriend will come home with a pocket full of money and be too exhausted to interact with you because of her long night at work. Unless you work the same unconventional hours that she works, when she comes home, you will be at your job or headed to your job. And then, when you get back home, she will be headed out again to rub her body against stranger’s boners. The lack of personal time and the inevitable perceived lack of interest from her can lead to trust issues in your relationship. Your sex life may dwindle if you have an honest girlfriend because her life is sex. There is an emotional toll for selling sex even if intercourse is not involved.  If she is not honest, then your stripper lover may be sleeping with her coworkers while you are working. Stripping lends itself to sexual exploration. Her career involves her being naked, touching other naked women, and titillating horny men. Sooner or later, trust and integrity will be violated.


7. Drug Problems

Sex work has a long history with illicit drugs and mental illness. And, dancers are no exception to that rule. Drugs and alcohol are a big part of stripping because the work is so stressful, and only a few types of people can cope with dancing. Everyone talks about the dancer who is paying her way through school, but she does not exist. There are basically three types of women who strip, women who have children but have no way of supporting them independently without dancing, women who were abused physically or emotionally and have no other way of supporting themselves, or women with drug addictions. Anybody from those backgrounds would need to self-medicate to work at a job that consists of being naked, being groped, and creating a false intimacy with everyone they meet.


The Breakdown

Strippers come from many different walks of life with unique personal stories, so every stripper does not fit neatly into the picture that was drawn in this article. There are some dancers who are completely drug-free. A pediatrician who worked her way through medical school at the Spearmint Rhino probably exists somewhere in the world. And, not all strippers are single moms who were sexually abused. However, most exotic dancers fit a lot of the criteria laid out here. In general, they are not stable people and money motivates them more than anything. So, if you are looking for a little adult fun, find the nearest cabaret and chat up a stripper. If you are lucky, then she might sleep with you, and crazy women have crazy sex. But, if you are looking for a life partner steer clear of the strip club. Sharon who works in accounting and has a business degree is not going to blow you in a Chik-Fil-A parking lot because she worries about her reputation and her job. She is going to make sound personal and financial decisions, and have good old-fashioned Puritan sex. Sharon is a good life partner. “Candy”, on the other hand, is going to get drunk and bang you behind the dumpster at a Jiffy Lube. She does not have any responsibilities and everyone has already seen her naked in the Gentleman’s Club, so she does not care. She represents drama. Candy is going to bring home $1000 on Friday and ask you for money on Sunday because she is irresponsible with her finances. Candy is going to get pissed at you, hit you with her stripper heels, and key obscenities into the side of your car. Candy is going to sleep with her stripper friend regularly, and say that the infidelity is alright because the other party is female and girls do not count. Or maybe she will screw some random NBA player when he promises her the world. Candy is a stripper, and no sane man would seriously date a stripper. If he is rich, then he is a meal ticket. If he is poor, then he is a masochist. Either way he loses.

What She Is Really Saying

23 Aug

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By William Bixby

In an attempt to help men understand the fairer sex and thus better relationships between the sexes, has put together a list of some of the most common phrases that women say to men and what they really mean.

Day to Day

It is your decision.

I have already told you what I want you to do.

Would you like some MY food?

Ummm, what you’re eating looks better than what I have. Give me your food.

Do I look fat in this dress?

If you ever want to see me out of this dress and near your meat and potatoes again, tell me I look beautiful.

Do you think that she’s cute?

She looks curvy and slutty, just like you like them.

Which one of my friend’s would you sleep with?

I want to fight.

I don’t want to mess up our friendship.

I am not attracted to you even though you are a nice guy. I generally like guys that actually have a pair.

I like you, but…

Have you heard of the friend zone? Well, you’re in it.

We need to talk.

I want to complain about something you did.

We need that.

I want that.

What’s that noise?

Wait, you’re almost sleep, aren’t you? Well, right now I want to talk to you about something that I could talk to you about at any other time.

Do you want to come up and have some coffee?

I think you are hot, and I may want to make out with you.

I need some space.

I don’t like you.

We are too different.

I don’t like you.

I don’t want a boyfriend right now.

I don’t like you.

Let’s take a little break.

I used to like you, but now I don’t like you anymore.

Oh, you are so cute.

You are completely non-threatening, and if I had a little sister, I would want her to be your friend. I personally do not like you.

You never listen.

What I am saying is more important than what you are saying. I’m right.

Don’t worry about it.

Worry about what I’m going to do to you after I say ‘Don’t worry about it.’

Give me five minutes.

Give me ten minutes. I have to put on my clothes, feed the dog, and put on makeup.

Give me ten minutes.

Give me thirty minutes. I’m going to change my outfit a few times and make a few phone calls.

Give me thirty minutes.

Grab a beer, kick off your shoes, and put your feet up. It’s going to be a while.

I want a sensitive guy.

I want a guy who listens to everything I say and doesn’t talk.

I like bad boys.

You are too sensitive.


Is your place near here?

You are getting lucky tonight, buddy!

I want to take it slow (before you have slept together)

I haven’t decided if I want to attend the no pants party with you yet.

I want to take it slow (after you have had sex)

You have no clue what foreplay is, do you?

This guy will never see her again.

Well, I have to get up early tomorrow. Good night.

I am never going to have sex with you.


Your penis is tiny.


Please finish. My show is coming on.

Right there, right there.

Right there, right there.

Thank you. That was great.

That was better than getting a pedicure…but barely.

(Blank stare, rhythmic full body convulsions, no words)

You are the vagina whisperer.

What Men Want from Women

22 Aug

the perfect woman02

This article was originally posted on February 2, 2012. Because of the positive feedback that we at have received about this article, we have decided to run it again. Enjoy.

Men are pretty simple. If you want to make a man happy, then give him the “3 F’s”. Chris Rock, one of the most insightful comedians in standup, said it in one of his standup routines. Feed him, fuck him, and shut the fuck up occasionally if you want to keep a man. Though they may seem oversimplified, these are the keys to any successful relationship with a guy. Every man only needs three behaviors from a woman to stay in a happy relationship. They are the three things that drive us, food, sex, and peace of mind. Ladies, be aware.

This woman is going to keep a happy man.

Step 1: Feed Him

Unless, your boyfriend had a mother who believed that men should know how to cook and clean for themselves, then you as a woman should learn to tend to your home. There was a time in the recent past when all women knew their way around a kitchen and cleaned the house regularly, but those times are fading away quickly. But, that has not changed the expectations of most of the men in this generation. All the people of the generation where women were in the home and men worked to earn a living and provide for their family now reside in nursing homes. Modern women are entrenched in the workforce and some are earning more than their spouses. Occasionally, there is an incredible woman who provides for her family and keeps her home spotless while cooking three square meals, but it not the norm. Learning how to put a meal together gives a woman an advantage over other women when choosing a mate. Does this mean that a woman should stifle her success to keep her man? Not necessarily. But, it does mean that women should be aware of some of the hidden expectations of the opposite sex.

Step 2: Fuck Him

If you are unwilling to do something freaky with your man, then some other chick will do it. It is the absolute truth. People are inevitably attracted to what they want in a sex partner. The woman that will do anything in the bedroom will eventually find her way to your man. And, if he is unhappy with you and your boring sex life then he may stray. That does not mean that women should engage in weird sex acts with their spouses regardless of how uncomfortable those acts make them. But, it does mean that people should aim to please their partners sexually. Unfulfilled sexual needs can lead to infidelity when the right circumstances align. And, the time that a man waits before actually cheating on his wife depends solely on what type of guy he is. Abstaining from extramarital sex is not easy in this age. With the easy access to dating sites, Facebook, and cell phones hooking up with another woman is much easier for a man than it has ever been. And, there are sites that are exclusive to men that want to cheat like too. Though no woman is at fault for a man breaking his promise of fidelity, keeping him satisfied sexually will keep his mind occupied with the right person, his wife.

Check yourself.

Step 3: Shut the F&ck Up

This could be the most important step of the three. A man can deal with bad cooking and a sparse, boring loveless sex life if he has peace at home. If you as a woman learn how not to argue about the little things and to refrain from talking incessantly about any and everything, then you will keep your man at home. To a man, every contrite issue is simply not worth worrying or arguing about, and therefore most things do not warrant conversation. He does not want to be bombarded with the trappings of your day at the moment that he hits the doorway. That does not mean that he does not love you, or that he is not interested in what is important to you. It means that he has own unique set of problems at his job and is he attempting to deescalate when he gets home. And similarly to the way that most things do not warrant a conversation to a man, most things are not worth a full-blown argument to him either. If you can discuss problems rationally with him, then any rational man will engage your points. What he does not want is you calling him and his mother four letter words when he forgets to buy milk on his way home. A man needs his woman to respect him and realize that when he upsets her it is almost never is intentional. The perceived slights that she holds against him are her emotional manifestations of a physical act that he performed. With men, there are seldom ulterior motives behind an action. In layman’s terms, most of the time a man did not do whatever it is that his woman is upset about just to piss her off.


The way to keep a man happy is fairly easy. Simply cook good food, regularly sex him up, and try not argue about everything. If you can do those three things, your man will stay with you forever.

How to Find Mr. Right

24 Jul

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Ladies, Mr. Right is out there waiting on you. You need not fear the ticking of your biological clock or the bevy of younger women that are waiting to swoop in and snatch him from your clutches. There is a perfect guy who is waiting patiently to be with you. All you have to do is your part, and we will help you find Mr. Right today.

The first step to finding Mr. Right is getting off the couch or out of the bed and being available. You will not find Mr. Right sitting at the bottom of that bucket of delicious, crispy fried chicken or hiding inside your third bowl of rich, creamy Chunky Monkey ice cream. Mr. Right is out drinking with his friends, taking in fine art a museum, or attending some church function. He does not sit at home watching soap operas, imagining the lifestyles of people that are more interesting than he is. He gets out and enjoys life. Finding Mr. Right is like playing the State Lottery, “You have to be in it, to win it!” So, dust off that little black dress that shows off your legs, and leave the house.

After you have stopped your own personal pity party, removed yourself from the confines of your home, in order to find Mr. Right you have to stop looking for him. You will never catch a good man if you are looking for him. Ironic? Yes, but true. Since you have started looking for Mr. Right, you have found Mr. He Ain’t Right in the Head, Mr. Right Now (as in, he will do for right now), Mr. Turn Right Around Before I Slap You, and Mr. Oh, That’s the Right Spot (you know, the guy that you only call late at night…after you have had a few drinks…and you don’t really like him…but, he does that special little thing in bed). That has not worked out so well for you. The old cliche is true. When you stop looking for the right guy, he will find you. The perfect solution is to have a ladies night out. Call a few of your girlfriends, tell them to dress up, and plan a fun night on the town. Men love to see women enjoying themselves. Part of your attractiveness to a potential mate is your ability to have fun socially. If you regularly express joy in the mundane activities of life, then Mr. Right will be attracted to you.

Finally, for Mr. Right to come into your life, you have to be the best representation of you. There is at least one person on this planet whose personality, upbringing, and looks are perfectly suited for you and all your eccentricities. By being yourself, you insure  that the perfect match for you is not mistakenly over-looking you.

If you are artsy, and love the opera, then venture to the MET in New York City. If you love to party, visit Carnivale en Brasil or maybe its American cousin, Mardi Gras in New Orleans. More importantly though, be true to yourself,  be in a place where you would meet like-minded individuals, and Mr. Right might be there too.