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The Real Reasons You Shouldn’t Date a Married Guy

19 Aug

married man affair

By William Bixby


Most people expect a drawn out moral lecture about how wrong it is to date people who have promised themselves to other people. And, that is true. There is something pretty foul about taking something that does not belong to you, even if it is a man. But, there are better reasons for you to pick a single guy over the married guy. Ladies, dating a married man probably seems like a win-win situation. You get all the passionate sex that you want without the hassle of a relationship. Good relationships are difficult to find and even more challenging to maintain. By dating a married man, you would hypothetically deal with a lot less of the drama of dating, but still experience all the strong emotions and connection of being a couple. For a hard-working professional who does not have the time to cultivate something meaningful with another person or just a woman who wants to have a fling, this might seem like a viable option. However, dating married men is one of the worst decisions you could make. Drama will define you in this type of relationship, and ultimately you will get hurt. You will develop feelings for the man with whom you are having an affair, he will never leave his wife, he will treat you poorly, and then he will leave you.

Here is the truth about married men. No level-headed man has an affair; only the broken men have them. And, there are only two types of men who cheat on their wives: the men who never should have been married at all, and the men who are going through difficulties with their wives. Neither of these men will provide all the qualities that you are looking for in a mate.

The man who never should have been married will supply you with what you think you need. He will give you plenty of attention and fawn over you for stretches of time. He is always available to you whenever you need him, that is, until you give him what he wants. This man is the classic cheater. You may have great sex with him because his ego is tied to his penis, but that is the only thing that he will give you other than a STD. You are not the only woman that he is “dating”, and the only person that he cares about is himself. He does not care about his kids, his wife, and he certainly does not care about you. He cares about his next conquest. And if the two of you maintain a sexual relationship for any stretch of time, you may begin to confuse the exciting sex for general care and concern. You are going to develop feelings for this man, because sex and love are inextricably linked. Two people can not sleep together for an extended amount of time exclusively without becoming romantically involved. In fact, new research from Concordia University in Montreal proves that emotional attachment grows from sexual desire. Through Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) the study found that both love and lust come from the insular cortex and striatum, and that their effects are overlapping. Sleeping with a man, even the wrong one can cause you to love him. And, the self-centered womanizer is not the guy that you want to fall for. Once he has slept with you, you will see him more intermittently and later in the night. The small relationship that you have formed will start to resemble a booty call. And once you start complaining, you will never see him again.

But, the classic cheater is not the worst married man with whom to be entangled. The man who is fighting with his wife can be much more dangerous to you. He reels you in because he seems genuine. The way that you meet this man is usually completely innocuous. You met at the job or when both of you were with your friends. He may actually talk to you about your problems and listen to you instead of staring at your chest like the aforementioned philanderer. You develop an authentic connection over a few group lunch dates and those random conversations at the water cooler with him. And then, you realize that the two of you have more in common than you thought previously. He talks to you about his struggles with his wife, and you believe that he is a good man who is caught in a bad situation. He says that she does not understand him and you do. The danger with starting a relationship with this man is that the emotional foundation of the romance is already set in place, so you will find it harder to leave him. You are already invested in the relationship from the moment that you enter into it, so you see it through. But, this man is confused. He likes you, but he loves his wife and family. He adores you, but how can he leave?

Listen closely. With either of these two men, there is one standard truth. Any man who is cheating on his wife will not leave his spouse and his family for you regardless of what you do or say. No matter how much plead with him, no matter what you do sexually with him, and no matter how much you threaten him, his family will always be more important than you. He took a vow before his family, friends, and his God to love and cherish his wife until his death or her death. Most people do not take that commitment lightly. And, even the men that do not respect their their vows do respect the law. The way that government handles divorce is more deterrent than any man needs. Leaving his wife could cost a man half of his assets in most states before the divorce is finalized. If he has children, then he will lose his home because the government always leans towards the ruling that gives stability to the children of divorcees, and custody usually goes to the mother. Next, a man who divorces his wife faces alimony payments, child support payments, and the new living expenses that incurred when you have to move out. A new relationship with you could cost this man 2/3 of his life’s work. Not many men are willing to give up so much for a relationship that is not proven. And then, he has to learn your quirks, your desires, and most importantly, your needs as he starts a new relationship with new responsibilities. Married men know what they are dealing with at home. You represent the unknown, and nothing is scarier than the unknown.

You should spend some time thinking about what this type of romance affords you. If this man eschews all that he loves to be with you, how could you ever trust him not to leave you? He dumped the woman that he promised to love forever to be with you. Only a fool would believe that he could love them enough to stop cheating. If you have a child with him, will he resent the child and you? You will have to explain why their father is not present. The affair could also lead to verbal and physical confrontations with his wife. And all of that exertion would be for a man who cares for someone else.

Dating a married man is one of the most empty endeavors that you could embark upon. In the midst of passion, it feels so right and the excitement is unparalleled. But after the sheets come off the bed and the fire begins to dissipate, you realize that he has left to be with his family and that you are alone. Do not date married men. They may say all the right things, they may be great in bed, but the price that you pay is too high.

What It Takes to Go Pro

26 Jul

*Nov 25 - 00:05*

By William Bixby

Getting to the professional level of any sport is a difficult, but attainable goal for many athletes. However, there are certain qualities, both physical and mental, that are necessary in order for that goal to be reached. The athlete must have the requisite amount of size and talent, they must have a good enough work ethic, and they must choose the right path to get to the highest level of their sport. Many athletes fail in one or more of these categories and thus never fulfill the accomplishments that their natural ability should afford them. Only through strict adherence to these guidelines can any athlete achieve their goals in sports.

This may seem fairly obvious, but in order for any person to become a professional athlete in any sport, they must have at least the minimum amount of natural talent and size in order to compete in the sport. Basketball players generally have to be well over six feet tall, strong, very coordinated, and quick on their feet. Football players sometimes have less height and coordination than basketball players, but have to be stronger and just as quick as basketball players. Baseball players are usually either average athletes and great hitters, or great athletes and average hitters. Their athleticism depends solely on their position (short stops and center fielders have to be athletic). Professional track athletes rarely get smaller than 5’7″ or taller than 6’4″, but their explosiveness is unrivaled in most sports. In general, the more size that an athlete has in any sport other than track, the less athleticism they have to possess. For example, a seven footer on the basketball court does not have to have a 40″ vertical leap or be extremely agile because his size gives him natural advantages, but a guy who is 5’7″ has to have blinding speed and quickness and an above average vertical to compete. In football, a man who weighs 300+ lbs. does not need to run as fast as the smaller guys who play skills positions. Having the appropriate size and talent is the first precursor to making the pros.

Being in close proximity to a former professional athlete or someone who had the talent to play professionally but failed, is the second prerequisite to playing sports at the highest level. Great amateur players usually have great role models. The media would have you believe that all of the professional athletes that you see on television come from single parent homes where their strict mother worked three jobs while putting her children through school. While the publicized cases of successful single parents who raised professional athletes are admirable, they are not the norm amongst professional athletes. Most athletes who are paid to play sports came from a two parent home where they had rules, role models, and direction. The structure that these players received in their homes produced a work ethic that fueled their improvement in their sport. According to Malcolm Gladwell, in order to become an expert in anything, you have to spend a minimum of 10,000 hours performing the act. A lucrative pro career is completely dependent on a strong work ethic which is instilled by good role models.

The final deciding factor in whether an athlete will play professionally is his path to the league. Talent by itself is not enough to play in the highest leagues unless you are a seminal talent like LeBron James or Alex Rodriguez. Most athletes have to follow the proper course in order to get the right exposure to their dream job. Most players have to play four years of high school ball, then play at least three years of college ball in order to be drafted by a franchise in football. In sports like baseball and basketball, the way that they choose candidates has completely changed. Whereas the conventional rule for MLB and NBA general managers regarding the drafting of talent was to find the most productive players from big conferences and draft them, management now leans towards finding physical gifts and intangibles in players instead of only using the players’ current production. The GM’s of today value potential over production. However, the path to the pros is still through the big programs. Division one athletes play on television more which gives them more exposure, they have better teammates which draws the attention of scouts, and they play against better competition which hones their skills. Any athlete that wants to go pro should consider their school carefully. Even when athletes enter a great Division one school, there are other factors that they must consider to be successful. Does the style of play at the school match their style of play? Rajon Rondo idled under Tubby Smith at Kentucky and almost missed his chance to play in the NBA. But, he has become one of the best young stars in the NBA under Doc Rivers. Tubby’s teams played slow. Doc preferred a faster pace. Some coaches stifle the play of their students. Some coaches have a reputation of sending overrated players into the next level. All these things must be considered when choosing the right path for an athlete.

If a player is talented enough to excel at sports and adheres to these basic tenets, he or she should eventually be paid for his or her profession. The path to the pros is not impossible, but it is filled with obstacles. Learn your craft, put in the hours to hone your skills, choose the right school for you, and you could become a pro.

Tom Brady is NOT Joe Montana

25 Jul


I fully respect New England Patriots owner Tom Kraft for lionizing his starting quarterback Tom Brady, but unfortunately his opinions are 100% inaccurate.  On August 31st, 2015 Kraft told

I think that Tommy, with all due respect, is better than Joe Montana.  I know that’s a leap, but I really think he might already be the best of all time. I watch how involved he is, how driven he is. He’s like Belichick, he’s into the details. And he’s got a skill that makes him so special; he can process all of it so quickly. And then, he’s just got that quality. Certain people have that sincerity. He’s a very genuine guy. People can relate to him. People can trust him.


I can imagine being around Brady for over a decade is amazing.  He’s obviously very physically gifted, he’s a tremendous leader, he’s certainly an extremely hard worker, he’s done things no other quarterback has ever done before, and most especially he’s made Kraft a hell of a lot of money.  It’s easy to see how Kraft could be biased towards his employee, but by no measure is Brady the best ever.  Sorry Mr. Kraft, sorry deluded Patriots fan, and sorry love struck bimbos who think Brady is oh so dreamy.  Just to be fair, here is a completely objective comparison of Brady to Montana.


Who can argue against perfection?


4-0 vs. 3-2*

This essentially ends the argument.  Montana has never lost a Super Bowl, has 3 MVPs in those games, and has never thrown an interception in his four appearances.  Essentially he rises to the occasion when the stakes are highest.  Brady is in rare company with his 3 championships, but 2 blemishes means he will never equal Joe.  This is no different than Kobe Bryant’s quest to equal MJ.  Michael Jordan never lost in the finals, yet Kobe has already lost twice.  No matter how many rings he wins, they will never be on the same plane.  What’s most glaring about Brady’s losses is that they are to the same person, Eli Manning.  Manning has played four less years than Brady, assuming he wins another Super Bowl and Brady does not, his record in the big game would be 3-0.  Would this not usurp Brady’s playoff accomplishments?  Think about that for a second.


It’s actually still possible Eli could surpass Brady



By standard measures Brady’s stats are far superior to Montana’s.  Career yards, TDs, completion percentage, QB rating, yards/game, and interceptions all favor Brady.  The same is true if one looks at single season yards, TDs, completions, and rating.  The problem with stats is that they don’t tell the whole story.  NFL rules make it exponentially easier to be successful in the passing game now versus in Montana’s time, so things are not comparable.  Furthermore teams pass on a much higher percentage of their downs than ever in NFL history.  From 1979-1990 Montana led the NFL in yards, TDs, completions, and completion percentage.  In Brady’s career he is only 4th in yards, 2nd in TDs, 4th in completions, and 9th in completion percentage.  So using raw numbers Brady has an advantage, but if one compares each to their contemporaries, Montana is superior, or at least not inferior.




Since his career began, Tom Brady has faced the following Hall of Fame defenders:  Darrell Green (who was a bit player and non-starter by Brady’s 2001 beginning), Bruce Smith, Rod Woodson, John Randle, and Deion Sanders.  All of these guys were shells of their former selves by the time they faced Brady.  Potential HOFs that are Brady’s contemporaries are Michael Strahan, Troy Palamalu, Ed Reed, Ray Lewis, and Demarcus Ware.  Montana has faced: Jack Ham, Alan Page, Mel Blount, Ted Hendricks, Jack Lambert, Randy White, Lee Roy, Selmon, Mike Haynes, Mike Singletary, Lawrence Taylor, Howie Long, Jack Youngblood, Dan Hampton, Elvin Bethea, Reggie White, Darrell Green (when he was actually good), Andre Tippett, Bruce Smith, Rod Woodson, Rickey Jackson, John Randle, Richard Dent, Deion Sanders, Chris Doleman, and Cortez Kennedy.  Granted Montana didn’t face all of these guys every year, it just shows that his path to offensive success was much more encumbered than Brady’s was.


Brady couldn’t defeat a 27th ranked NY Giants defense … not very strong competition


In a very rudimentary argument, if Brady is less successful than Montana in the clutch, isn’t the most statistically superior quarterback of all-time, and has faced clearly inferior defensive competition it’s pretty hard to call him the best ever.  There’s no denying he’s an all-time great, but Mr. Kraft’s superlatives are quite a bit unfounded.

*Editor’s note: Brady now has one more Super Bowl win bringing his record to 4-2.

How to Find Mr. Right

24 Jul

kissing a frog

Ladies, Mr. Right is out there waiting on you. You need not fear the ticking of your biological clock or the bevy of younger women that are waiting to swoop in and snatch him from your clutches. There is a perfect guy who is waiting patiently to be with you. All you have to do is your part, and we will help you find Mr. Right today.

The first step to finding Mr. Right is getting off the couch or out of the bed and being available. You will not find Mr. Right sitting at the bottom of that bucket of delicious, crispy fried chicken or hiding inside your third bowl of rich, creamy Chunky Monkey ice cream. Mr. Right is out drinking with his friends, taking in fine art a museum, or attending some church function. He does not sit at home watching soap operas, imagining the lifestyles of people that are more interesting than he is. He gets out and enjoys life. Finding Mr. Right is like playing the State Lottery, “You have to be in it, to win it!” So, dust off that little black dress that shows off your legs, and leave the house.

After you have stopped your own personal pity party, removed yourself from the confines of your home, in order to find Mr. Right you have to stop looking for him. You will never catch a good man if you are looking for him. Ironic? Yes, but true. Since you have started looking for Mr. Right, you have found Mr. He Ain’t Right in the Head, Mr. Right Now (as in, he will do for right now), Mr. Turn Right Around Before I Slap You, and Mr. Oh, That’s the Right Spot (you know, the guy that you only call late at night…after you have had a few drinks…and you don’t really like him…but, he does that special little thing in bed). That has not worked out so well for you. The old cliche is true. When you stop looking for the right guy, he will find you. The perfect solution is to have a ladies night out. Call a few of your girlfriends, tell them to dress up, and plan a fun night on the town. Men love to see women enjoying themselves. Part of your attractiveness to a potential mate is your ability to have fun socially. If you regularly express joy in the mundane activities of life, then Mr. Right will be attracted to you.

Finally, for Mr. Right to come into your life, you have to be the best representation of you. There is at least one person on this planet whose personality, upbringing, and looks are perfectly suited for you and all your eccentricities. By being yourself, you insure  that the perfect match for you is not mistakenly over-looking you.

If you are artsy, and love the opera, then venture to the MET in New York City. If you love to party, visit Carnivale en Brasil or maybe its American cousin, Mardi Gras in New Orleans. More importantly though, be true to yourself,  be in a place where you would meet like-minded individuals, and Mr. Right might be there too.