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What Women Should Not Wear

7 Jan

what not to wear

Ladies there is a enormous difference between dressing sexy and dressing sloppy or slutty. If you do not know whether your style of dress is sexy or slutty, then, honestly, you probably dress like a strumpet. And, since you do not want to be identified as the resident skank or look like a bridge troll, follow these tips closely to ensure that you are always properly dressed.

This is the only type of bad frontal cleavage, and her husband still looks happy.

1. Cleavage - Ladies, frontal cleavage is almost always good, and back cleavage is never acceptable. This is a rule not a suggestion. Sexy cleavage is like a good introduction. The message that you are trying to get across is clear, and if the person likes your intro, then he or she will respond promptly. Back cleavage is metaphorically closer to having food stuck in your teeth. No one will tell that you look like an idiot, and you will continue smiling in complete ignorance of your condition. You know your body better than anyone else, so, if you are not genetically predisposed to being skinny or do not run a few miles a week, then you should not have your back out. A Christmas tree back is not sexy or seasonal. It is completely inappropriate. If your back has rolls, keep it clothed.

2. Skirts - Short mini-skirts are beautiful with the right pair of legs. Short flowing dresses are stunning on the right woman. But, the cups of your butt cheeks hanging out of the bottom of your short skirt or dress is whorish. To all the taller ladies and those with larger hindquarters, you have to try on skirts before you buy them, and definitely check the length of your skirts before you go out. A skirt that fits your shorter or smaller framed friend perfectly, will expose your lady bits to the world. And, be sure to take a long look at the back of the skirt or dress in a mirror, because a skirt that appears to be the perfect length in the front, might give a peepshow to everyone behind you. And, to the shorter and smaller framed women, if your legs are toned from using your personal Stair Master or visiting the gym, and you have the heels that match those skirts and dresses perfectly, then wear them confidently. However, if you have spent the last three months laying on the couch scarfing down cheeseburgers, flaming-hot Doritos, and a half gallon of ice cream everyday, then leg-baring attire is not for you. Keep in mind, there is a distinct difference between demure and “de skank.”

Her toes are actually falling over the edge of her shoes. Suicide sandals are unforgivable.

3. Shoes - Please wear shoes that fit your feet. It may be embarrassing to order a size ten shoe in public, but you will be much more embarrassed when your shoes look like you have been baking bread in them. Your foot should not spill over onto the top of your shoe. If you can not feel your toes, then your shoes are too tight. If your toes are jumping over the edge of your shoes, you need a bigger size. Also, please apply lotion, Vaseline, baby oil, motor oil, or some lubricant to your feet if you plan on wearing sandals or open-toed shoes. You should not look like you played bare-footed in a bakery before you left your house. And if you have thick ankles, do not wear shoes with multiple straps. They look like a tree trunk growing through a fence.

4. Muffin top - If your jeans do not fit you, then buy more jeans. Muffin tops have to stop. The only rolls that people should see are the edible ones. Get rid of your extra “smedium” clothes through donation, thrift stores, or combustion, but do not wear them anymore. Your mother, sister, and boyfriend are all humiliated every time you show up in some stretched, unintentionally form-fitting outfit that squeezes and pushes out random parts of your body.

5. W - A form-fitting shirt with no brassiere is socially acceptable as long as your bust is not exceptionally large. When bra-less in public, you are walking dangerously close to the slut line, but as long as “Nipsey” does not make an appearance, the clothing should be well accepted. Tight pants with no underwear is always unacceptable, unless you are playing the appropriate sport with the corresponding uniform. The “w”, just like “Nipsey”, should never be visible. Camel toe is not hot. No one wants to see the imprint of your business through the front of your pants. Men are fairly appreciative when any part of the female form reveals itself, but even they are appalled by blatant camel toe. Women that broadcast their “meows” in broad daylight, look like prostitutes. Ladies, put on underwear and keep your vaginas covered. Please heed the warning in this rant. Failure to do so will assuredly cost you any meaningful romantic relationship that you have or want. And, even if it does not cost you a relationship, it will surely cost you your dignity.

Wilt Is the Best Basketball Player Ever

4 Jan


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Wilt Chamberlain is the most dominant, most domineering, and most impactful big man ever. Sorry Bill Russell. Sorry Shaq. The feats he accomplished working in the paint in the game of basketball have never been matched, and may never be repeated. Chamberlain stands as the purest, most unstoppable force that the league has seen. Sorry Jordan, Kobe, and LeBron. Wilt Chamberlain is the best basketball player in the history of the National Basketball Association, and despite popular belief about Michael Jordan and his contributions to the game, no other basketball player nears his talent and prowess in the sport.

Aside from being the best basketball player in sports history, Wilton Norman Chamberlain may  just be the best athlete ever. At 7’1″ he was a giant among men, but he was always as quick and agile as men half his size. Wilt started his high school career as a physically gifted track and field athlete. In the fifties, as a teenager, he could run 400 meters in 49.0 seconds (the current world record in the 400 is 44.3) and 800 meters in under 2 minutes. He high jumped 6’6″, broad jumped 22 feet, and could shot-put well over 50 feet. And since he was almost 6’11″ when he entered high school, he began to pick up the sport of basketball. Almost immediately, he started dominating his peers in the sport. His immense size, speed, and strength gave him a natural advantage over the much smaller players of that era. Chamberlain won at every level. He won two city championships in high school, one Big Seven championship in college along with winning the conference high jump in track 3 years consecutively, and two NBA championships after a year with the Harlem Globetrotters. After playing professional basketball in the National Basketball Association, he played professional volleyball for the next ten years. Wilt was a versatile and dominant athlete at all levels while playing multiple sports.

But, his NBA career was especially magnificent and the highlight of his sports career. As a rookie, he became the highest earner in the NBA, signing a contract for $30,000. The largest earner prior to that contract was Hall of Fame Celtic guard, Bob Cousy with $25,000, and Chamberlain’s team had bought the franchise for $25,000 seven years earlier. Eddie Gottlieb, the owner of the Philadelphia/San Francisco Warriors franchise knew the rarity and worth of a player like Wilt Chamberlain. With Wilt, he had an incredible arsenal of weapons at his disposal to bully and intimidate his opponents. Besides brutish strength and nimble moves, Wilt was a polished basketball player. He had go-to moves and counter moves. He would throw down thunderous dunks over any opponent, but mastered the bank shot, the finger roll, a fall away shot, and was a diligent shot shot-blocker. The most frightening aspect of his game though was his intellect. Bill Russell, the most prolific winner in major professional sports history, said that when guarding Chamberlain, he had to concede points on shots that he contest so that later in the game he could block them. Russell, who won eleven titles in thirteen years of NBA basketball, said that Wilt was such a dynamic player, so intelligent and physically gifted, that if you blocked his shot, Wilt would counter your attempts consistently after it and play with a grudge for the rest of the game. He said that Wilt Chamberlain was the most talented athlete that he had ever seen.

The NBA record books share the same story of him. Though Wilt Chamberlain only won two NBA championships, he cashed when he had teams as talented as his contemporaries. He was a 4-time NBA Most Valuable Player winning in 1960, and 1966-68. He is the only person to win the NBA MVP, All-Star MVP, and Rookie of the Year in the same year (Wes Unseld is the only other person to win ROY and MVP in the same season). He was the 1972 Finals MVP and made the All-NBA team eleven times. He made the NBA All-Defensive squad twice and was a 13-time All-Star. Chamberlain was a 7-time scoring champion from 1960-66, a 9-time field goal percentage champion, and an 11-time rebounding champion. He even led the league in assists in 1968. No other center has ever done that. He became the 1st person to break the 3,000 point barrier in a single season. Michael Jordan is the other person to score 3,000 points in a season and he did it once. Wilt scored 3,000 points 3 times in his career including one 4,000 point season. He is the only person to break 4,000 point barrier and the only one to reach 2,000 rebounds in a single season. He did so twice. Chamberlain holds the records for highest point total in a game at 100 points and most rebounds in a game with 55. He’s the only guy in the history of the NBA to reach triple digits in points and one of two to reach 50 boards in a game. Wilt Chamberlain’s name litters every record book of the NBA. He holds the record for most consecutive 50 point games (7), the most consecutive 40 point games (14), the most consecutive 30 point games (65), and the most consecutive 20 point games in history (126). He has the most 60, 50, and 40 point games in NBA history. Wilt Chamberlain retired as the all-time leader in both scoring and rebounding. And, he still holds the records for highest averages in scoring 50.4, rebounding 27.2, and FG percentage 72.7%.

But, statistics do not do justice to what Chamberlain was in the National Basketball Association. He was the most unstoppable force the NBA has ever seen. Imagine the size and raw power of Shaquille O’Neal, minus about 15 pounds, with the dexterity of Hakeem Olajuwon, and the scoring prowess of Jordan in one body. That was Wilt. And, his accomplishments are even more astounding when you factor in his era. When Wilt played basketball, zone defenses were allowed. So, teams would place one defender in front of him, one behind him, and send a third to help from the weak side. Players could grab him, push, and hover around him on every play. Wilt broke almost every scoring record in the NBA with 3 people hanging on him constantly.

No single player in NBA history has done more individually than Wilt Chamberlain. He destroyed the record books and won basketball games because of it. He is one of the best athletes that has ever competed and is the best basketball to ever live. He was better than Russell. He was better than Jordan. Wilt Chamberlain was the best basketball player that ever lived.

15 Tattoos That Prove You Got Your Tattoo in 2014

3 Jan

tattoo 2014 - everything


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Birds…and things that turn into Birds

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Finger Tats

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Roman Numerals

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World Outlines

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Making the Perfect Villain

21 Dec

vil - lil bill

Hollywood and network television have introduced many criminally insane and completely evil men to the public. From Captain Hook to Hannibal Lecter, audiences have been terrified by a multifarious group of indiscriminate gangsters, thieves, and killers. Villains hurt people and destroy lives, but more so, they terrify their victims, which in turn, scares and disgusts their audience. Great villains carry the storyline of great movies, and the perfect villain could be pieced together by taking the best parts of great villains.

1. The Intellect and Habits of Dr. Hannibal Lecter – Hannibal Lecter was so perceptive, brilliant, and sociopathic that he coerced other inmates into suicide and epileptic seizures by simply talking to them. He profiled several of the doctors and FBI agents that were supposed to be profiling him, and insulted and confused them for fun. He also was a cannibal. He killed then ate some victims and severed pieces of the others and ate them while they were still alive. He orchestrated his murders, leading his victims to where he wanted them before killing them. This man was calculated, meticulous, and batshit crazy. He had a taste for fine culture and a flare for the dramatic. He gutted and hung a prefect officer in the same manner that one of his famous ancestors was persecuted. Dr. Lecter ate pieces of a man’s brain and fed them to him while they sat at the dinner table. Nothing is more horrifying to a person than the realization that they are about to be eaten by another human being, and very few things are more terrifying than a man like Hannibal Lecter.

2. The Knowledge of Killing of Bill the Butcher – Billing the Butcher cultivated his talents in the meat shops of the Five Points neighborhood in New York City. He knew the difference between a murderous wound and an injuring blow. He could deliver instant death or a gradual, painful one. Bill was adept in hand to hand combat and could throw any bladed weapon with pinpoint accuracy up to fifteen feet. He was a killing machine and more so, he enjoyed killing.

3. The Mystery and Drive of the Joker – The most alarming character trait of the joker of the Dark Knight series of movies, is his genuine love of chaos and destruction. He had no normal motives like money, love, or drugs. His only motivation was to bring pain and confusion. He was completely unreasonable because he used no reason. The Joker killed mercilessly to create panic throughout Gotham City which is why his motivation (or lack thereof) are perfect for a true villain.

4. The Indifference of Little Bill – Though Little Bill became the Sheriff of his town, he started as an outlaw. And, he brought the same heavy-handed oppression that he used with his criminal posse to the townspeople of his precinct. If someone stole from him, he shot them. If they questioned his authority, he shot them. If any person did anything that Little Bill did not like, Little Bill shot them. He even killed his own son in a shooting contest because he challenged him. Bill was feared within his town because killed without provocation, and that ability to be indiscriminate with force and punishment shapes the perfect bad guy.

5. The Focus and Pure Insanity of Annie Wilkes – Annie Wilkes loved reading the books of her favorite author. She loved it so much that she forced him to finish writing the sequel to one of his other novels in her attic. When he tried to escape she broke his ankles with a two-by-four and a sledgehammer. She was so determined to read that novel that she kidnapped and crippled a man. Her obsession with his literature blinded her to her loss of normality, and she committed atrocious acts because of it.
6. The Hatred and Random Acts of Terror of Amon Goeth – Goeth was a scarier character than the rest of the villains because he was a real person. He had the same indifference about murder as Little Bill, but coupled that with a stern, militarized disposition and a genuine disdain for Jewish people. He would randomly shoot workers for infractions or sometimes just because he needed a target on which he could test the accuracy of his rifle.
7. The Will of Keyser Soze – Keyser Soze was a devious and calculated killer. He came home to find his wife and children raped and beaten by rival drug dealers. Instead of attacking the men there, Soze shot each member of his family in the head as the drug dealers watched and let them leave peaceably. He then hunted down each one of them, killed them, killed their families, and killed anyone connected with them. In order to finish a different drug deal, Soze impersonated a crippled man, and orchestrated a coup that gave him millions of dollars and left no witnesses.

8. The Creepy Ritual of Dexter – Though Dexter is the protagonist of his self-titled television series, he is also a serial killer. And, he ritually kills his victims by taping them to a table, cutting them with a scalpel and collecting a sample of their blood, stabbing them in the chest cavity, and finally, sawing them into pieces to dispose of their bodies. Displaying the ritualistic behavior of a villain exposes the deviance and compulsion of the killer.