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How to Pick a One Night Stand

8 May


Everybody hits on her, everybody fails.

There are many different skills that a single man needs to learn in order to be fulfilled, but none more important than being able to get steady sex from the fairer sex. Convincing everyday women to have regular intercourse with you without committing to a live-in girlfriend or paying for sex is a necessary evil. This means that there will be a few nights where recognizing which girl has “looser” morals is an invaluable skill. Most men make the mistake of chasing the one girl in the club or bar that has the least clothing on. This is a big mistake. That girl is looking for sexual attention, but she is not necessarily trying to sleep with anyone on any given night. That girl just has daddy issues. Finding the girl that is simply looking for a good time takes a keener eye and closer attention to detail. A woman’s clothes, her hair, and some of the smaller details of her appearance give insight into her intentions. These things tell whether she is out looking for a fun night of dancing or a long night of the horizontal limbo.

Men have no clue what women are thinking most of the time. They think that the display of deep cleavage means that a lady is looking for a little loving. Cleavage only portends that a woman wants attention, and sometimes it is shown only to make other women jealous or to tease guys. The dress that a woman wears as a whole tells what she is thinking. Cleavage shows that a woman wants to be seen, but the little black dress is a clear sign that a woman feels sexy and may have sex on the brain. Any tight form-fitting dress says that the woman wearing it is in a bit of a sensual mood. And, if the dress shows a little boob too, then great. Men should observe the length of the dress in order to figure out how slutty a woman feels that night. The longer the dress that she wears, the more reserved she is. The shorter the dress, the more horny she might be. Studies show that women that are ovulating wear more revealing clothes, and the closer to ovulation that a woman is the more likely she is to want to have sex. The skimpy black dress is a standard for a woman on the prowl, and a tight, short red dress is just as suggestive. Long flowing dresses appear feminine and sensual to men, but do not give hints to the woman’s intention in wearing the dress. The only way to decipher how sexy a woman feels through her clothes is to look at the length of her dress or skirt.

A ladies’ hairstyle also bares what a woman thinks and projects. Men erroneously think that a woman wearing her long hair past her shoulders is somehow sexual. Biologically long, silky hair is attractive to men because it connotes good health and virility in a female, however it has no bearing on how willing a woman is to engage in some good old-fashioned adult activity. A woman’s hair simply displays where she is in her life as an adult. There are three reasons why women wear their hair long: because they are young and have always worn their hair that way, because they are older and want to look young, or because they believe that long hair is feminine and/or beautiful. Long hair has nothing to do with sexuality. Conversely, there are only three reasons why a woman cuts her hair excluding chronic hair loss or cancer. The reasons are short hair is easier for her to maintain with her hectic business schedule or personal life, she is too lazy to care for long hair properly, or she has recently been liberated from her parents home, a suppressive job, or an oppressive relationship. If she cut her hair because she is too busy, then she may not have time for another personal relationship and may just want some physical activity. If she is too lazy to commit to maintaining a hairstyle, she may not want to commit to a boyfriend and someone has to keep her satisfied sexually. And finally, if she just got out of any of those restrictive relationships, then she is probably looking for some fun. Women with short hair-do’s are more likely to be receptive to your advances.

This short, alternative style is sign of a free-thinker.

There are several smaller signs that a woman may be receptive to a quick tryst with the right guy. Short hair signifies rebellion against a specific person, but an alternative hair style such as a faux-hawk or shaved temples symbolize eccentricity and a willingness to ignore convention. That openness to unconventionality may extend to moral convictions too. The length of a woman’s fingernails divulges a little bit about her sexuality. Short, monochromatic nails are usually attached to a slightly retentive, high-strung personality. Longer nails are present on women that are more comfortable in their own skin, and therefore they can serve as an indicator of higher sexuality in women. Women that know themselves are more likely to know their bodies and more likely to go indulge in their desires. Sex workers, including but not limited to exotic dancers almost exclusively have long, colorful fingernails. They also wear specific high heeled shoes. A lady’s shoes are similar to the length of her dress in that, the higher the heel and the more revealing her shoes are, the more likely her she is to show sexualized behavior. If she has sipping drinks in the corner staring at you, there is another clue that she may be interested in some company. The women on the dance floor want to be seen. The women by themselves want to be approached.

Men are often hypnotized by the prettiest girl in the room, and mistake her long hair and big cleavage for an indication of her promiscuity when they should be looking for other signs. Short hair, a shorter dress, and a few empty drinks are telltale signs that a lady may want to be a tramp with you. Follow her hints,  refrain from saying something stupid, and you might spend your night with a hot women.

Short hair, shorter skirt, and a lot of alcohol.

Reasons for Women to Stay Single

7 May

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1.  You Are Scared of Commitment - Men are not the only people with commitment issues, and marriage is not getting any less scary. The average lifespan for a woman is 78 years. Do you really want to spend 40+ of those years with one guy? What if he is a douchebag? What if he is abusive? What if you meet your soul mate a week after you get married? There are just too many options out there for you to commit to one guy. Sleeping around is a better choice, because you never have to worry about staying with one man.

2. No One to Answer to - Having a boyfriend can be great for a woman. You have a guy to support you and love you. You know where he is and what he is doing most of the time. But, he also needs to know where you are and what you are doing, and therein lies a big problem. No one wants the constant calls and harassment of a boyfriend. How are you? Where are you? What are you doing? You do not want to be tied down to that guy.

3. You Want to Keep Your Space - Men require space. Your space. And let’s be honest, most women need their own space. Sharing your life with someone else means less closet space. It means less bathroom time. Women need their space for their own personal well-being. Are you sure that you are willing to give up your room for the selfish prick that wants to move in with you.

4. No Compromise - Being single means never having to compromise. In relationships, compromise is necessary to keep both parties sane. People have to allow their partners to have their way occasionally if they want their significant other to be happy. A happy partner is more willing to compromise, so you get what you want more often too. But, you negate having to compromise altogether by not dating.

5. Less Emotions - Women tend to be more emotional than men, but being single gives you the opportunity to live without the requisite emotional attachments to men. Not having a guy means not worrying about a guy’s feelings and desires. And honestly, some women need a break from the stress of talking about feelings, arguing, and consoling their man.

6. You Can Be a Better Lover - Being single means that you can be a little slutty. And, a little extra sex never hurt anybody. It can show you what you like and dislike sexually. Plus, it will help you to understand guys better and show you both what you and your potential partners may like physically. Variety is the spice of life.

7. Vacation - When you do not have a boyfriend, then you have the time and energy to do fun things by yourself. Women that are newly single often take cruises by themselves or with friends.

8. You Can Eat Whatever You Want - ‘I mean, who are you trying to impress?’

9. Spend More Time with Your Girls - Your girls are bitchy and difficult, but they are always there for you. In your last relationship, you never saw them, because you were always with your boyfriend. Being single allows you to spend time with the people who will appreciate you and actually notice your shoes. Time for a ladies night out.


How to Make a Scary Movie

6 May

dark alley02

Scary movies are often terrible for a myriad of reasons. Because we love a good horror flick more than the average guy does, has put together the outline of a good scary movie.

scary movie

Rule #1: You Must Build Suspense

Suspense is built through good story lines. It is not enough for the audience to know that there is a scary monster or a complete psychopath on the loose in a movie. They must also understand why the monster or psychopath is killing. The back story not only makes the film interesting, but it also makes the fantastical idea of an imaginary creature attacking real people credible. More importantly though, the story must be brought along slowly, revealing key information at critical junctures in the movie. Slow revelation builds suspense.

Rule #2: No Cheap Thrills

Most movies have moments that are very suspenseful where the villain jumps out at the victim as a loud drum plays in the background, the classic cheap thrill. Good movies build the same tension and move between harmless situations and attacking violently with the bad guy of the movie seamlessly. However, the best scary movies do not use paltry tricks and slowly reveal the impending danger of the villain in the vicinity of the hero. Great horror film directors almost never resort to blunt trickery to entertain their audience. They use subtlety and cinematography to lead their audiences into their worst fears.

Rule #3: Understand What is Scary

There are common things that scare most people. Most people are afraid of drowning or suffocating to death. Most people know that walking down dark alleys is a bad idea. Good movies use the things that naturally frighten people to terrify them.

scary movie - terrifying

Rule #4: Never Reveal the Monster

The best directors can make a terrifying monster without ever actually showing it. They can imply horrific acts without actually filming any violence onscreen. For instance, rather than showing a monster literally tearing apart a victim using bad special effects or computer generated imaging, great directors would allude to the monster’s presence through the use of sound and shadows. The viewer knows that the monster has reached his victim when a shadow completely overruns them. The coup de grace is then showing blood running into a nearby gutter or the gory remains of a victim. This permits the audience to fill in their own idea of what the terrifying monster looks like and what the monster did to their victims with their imagination, making it much more excruciating than if the director simply gave his interpretation of the beast and the act. Great directors use their audiences’ imagination against them.

Rule #5: If You Break Rule #4, It Better Be Scary

Finally, if a director chooses to break Rule #4, then the monster has to be so frightening that any audience member would be scared stiff. There have been many offenders to this rule and each one has been totally detrimental to the movie, but the most recent offender was the recent adaptation of “The Wolfman.” The movie was both paralyzingly suspenseful and creepy until they showed the creature for the first time. The wolfman looked like a muppet and the movie was ruined. The same thing has happened when the alien was revealed in the movie Signs, it happened when the bat creature from Jeepers Creepers made his first appearance, and when several other movies showed their monstrous villains. If the monster ever shows its face, it needs to be terrifying.


After the wolfman was shown, the movie lost credibility. This guy looks like a Jim Henson-created caricature of a dark-skinned Mexican man with a Jheri-curl.

Reasons to Date a Fat Girl

3 May

big girl02

Every red-blooded American man wants to date a size two, 5’11″ supermodel with a huge natural rack and nice hips. But, dating this unicorn proves unrealistic for most guys. First, there are not a lot of women in the world who legitimately fit into the supermodel face with a lingerie model body category. Second, the women who have both an extremely beautiful face and a ridiculous shape generally date incredibly handsome men, incredibly wealthy men, or guys who are both good-looking and rich (Everyone hates you Tom Brady). The common dating man generally finds himself with ordinary women, and by the averages, some of these women will be more attractive than others for various reasons including but not limited to physical beauty, emotional compatibility, and sexual promiscuity. However, there is one group of women that has been largely ignored by normal American men based solely on their size, the big girls. With all the body positivity going around, now is the time to hook up with a fat girl. Big women are beautiful and have countless attributes that the average man would love. So let’s objectify some women.


1. Big Women Have Bigger Boobs

Everyone loves breasts. Gay men and straight men love them. Women love them too. We are wired to love breasts, and bigger boobs are an obvious advantage to dating larger women because big women generally have some pretty substantial boobs. Yes, 2018 is all about body positivity, but support and encouragement was created for the feminists who already hate themselves. Ignore all their ridiculous self-love propaganda. An angel cries every time a woman weighs over 200lbs. and reaches sexual maturity with a B cup, and since heaven is totally against big girls with flat chests, the phenomena is rare in real life. Breast tissue is mostly fat, and the larger a woman gets, the more likely that her breast size increases first. In fact, women generally gain weight in their hips and their bust before they add inches anywhere else on their body. That is science. More fat equals bigger cleavage, and a little extra weight can help to boost a woman’s physique. So, as a standard rule, big girls usually have bigger chests.

2. Big Girls Are Not Afraid to Eat

When you take a skinny woman out, inevitably she orders water, a side salad, and then is bitchy and irritable for the rest of the meal. She complains about her figure incessantly and harasses the waiter, not because she is a terrible person, but because she is hungry. Big women do not have this issue. If you date a fat girl, then the two of you will actually eat when you go out. Hell, she may pay for the meal too. Fat girls are not afraid to put away a few plates of food at the buffet, and they are probably decent with an apron on too. A woman who likes to eat, may learn to cook. Date a woman with a few more pounds because she may be able to prepare a decent meal for both of you, and she will not be afraid to be herself and eat when she is around you.


3. Fat Girls Are More Comfortable in Their Own Skin

Some women with a few more pounds are accustomed to smaller women getting more attention than they do, and they know themselves better because of it. Big women mature faster, and therefore are more confident in who they are as people. And, because they know themselves, they are more fun to be around. These ladies are more likely to love sports, they are more willing to try new things, and they are better company in general. A person who is confident in themselves takes the highs and lows of life in  stride. And, some big girls are also low maintenance. They do things for themselves rather than asking for you to do them. They can be very handy around the house, and they are well-equipped for dealing with your terrible attitude because they are used to dealing with selfish friends. Every big girl has a hot friend that is also a bitch. You could take that friend’s place.

big girls05

4. Big Women Are More Comfortable with Their Bodies

People think that the women who look like supermodels are the best in bed. This is a horrible lie. The women that men fawn over are invariably boring and uncreative at sex. Most men are just happy to sleep with hot women, so those women never learn to please themselves or their partners. A lot of big girls are comfortable with themselves sexually. They know what they want and they know how to please. These women have learned about their bodies and know how to get off. And, a person who knows how to please themselves probably has an idea of what other people like. Larger women are usually attentive to their partners and very animated in the bedroom. They love sex, are usually pretty good lovers, and a good number are orally fixated. Big girls know how to keep their man happy.


5. Big Girls Will Keep You Warm in the Winter

Whales swim in the freezing cold waters of the Pacific because they have blubber. Polar bears survive in the Arctic despite living on the frozen tundra because of a ever-present layer of fat. And, that crass and demeaning analogy was made to teach the lesson that fat is warm. When winter comes, you are going to need someone to keep you warm, and a beanpole with a head full of extensions is not going to do the job. Tiny girls will not keep you toasty on those long, winter nights and they will probably ask you for your jacket. But, the big girls will hold on to you through the night, and no one is more warm or cuddly than they are. Holding a large woman is like wrapping yourself around the softest, warmest pillow that you could imagine. A fun, lighthearted pillow with big boobs.


6. Big Girls Take Care of Themselves

If you pay closer attention to bigger women, you will begin to notice that a significant amount of them keep their hair and nails professionally done. These women are always made up, and they exude femininity. Big girls maintain themselves better than a lot of smaller women presumably because they have had to do more for attention. In the recent past, skinny has been the ideal for beauty so women who carried a few extra pounds have honed the finer skills of looking their best at all times. You will find that a lot of big girls maintain a fairly refined appearance.

big girl - booty

7. More Cushion for the Pushin’

Any man who has had a tiny woman grind her nonexistent butt into his pelvic bone knows that a woman needs a little meat on her bones for sex. This is not meant to bash petite women, but sex is only painful for men in two instances. One is when a woman has absolutely no knowledge or respect for a boner not being made of reinforced steel. This situation usually ends with a trip to the hospital for a broken penis (Yes, they can break). Two is the less traumatic, but nearly as painful continual slapping together of butt bone and pelvic bone. Neither of those two instances are fun for the butt slapper or the slappee. A lady with a little more butt remedies that problem.

ashley graham14

Fat girls are the new hot girls. They have taken over everything (i.e. Ashley Graham). Big girls are just as pretty as the skinny tarts but with more curves. They are better adjusted than the typical hot girl, and they are more likely to be cool and friendly than any other type of woman. We need a return to the Victorian standard of attractiveness when women with a little more weight were more desired than smaller women. Fat girls are sexy, and these are just a few of the reasons to actively date them.